|Reviews for Monday|
| LadySnowTheStark chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
Normally, I dont really like TyHil pairings. KaiOC for me, but I can see this going somewhere, and I'm liking it :D
Keep going! A few more ideas and this will be awesome!
| Han Qing chapter 1 . 2/12/2010
Well ... that was interesting.
The frequent use of suffixes got pretty annoying, regardless whether this story took place in Japan or not. If you're writing in English, just please keep it in English unless it's important to the understanding of characters (i.e In Naruto, Naruto calling Sakura "Sakura-chan") but I would still avoid it. The syntax and structure of the story was also pretty distracting, since there was like a new paragraph for every one/two/three sentences. Without those issues, it would probably be easier to read.
It was a nice slice-of-life story, or a prelude to a greater story, but as it stands, it lacks quite a bit of plot or depth. It has potential, if you flesh it out more. Your character, An-chan, is likeable enough and the high school situation can certainly be explored. Also, while your characters are fairly in character, I feel like your interpretation of Kai is a little off.
It wasn't bad, but it wasn't exactly good either. Keep working. :]
| lilli chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
omg, very cool. i like it a lot, pls continue!
| illycullen chapter 1 . 2/1/2009
OMFG CONTINUTE THIS NOW.
you have no choice.
i am hooked, and you MUST do it.
absolutely mesmerizing. i loved it :D!