|Reviews for Red Flower Child|
| Gershlack chapter 3 . 3/16/2009
Agin your wrighting is amazing, please keep up the great work!
| applepielover chapter 3 . 2/25/2009
I like your use of imagery, especially during the part about Aaro looking at the ruin of the buildings.
Again I look forward to the next chapter when you're able to.
"His ears were also notched, showing who he was slave to." I believe "a" should be between was and slave.
"Aaro had watched Morlock male’s compete for mates out in the open moon-light." I believe it's males.
"Even if it met a whole lifetime of no peace and quiet." I believe it's meant.
"His master was smart enough to place him in a spot where there was no sharp rocks to cut the rope with." Was (second one) should be were.
"If there was one saying kept in heart by the owners of these warped savages was that the gentlest creature in the world was the Morlocks worst nightmare." It's Morlock's.
"Were they eve alive?" I believe it's even.
"He was so used the constant rumble of the machinery." I believe "to" should be between used and the.
"He stretched his limbs and continued on going true." Shouldn't it be through?
"The setting sun drew him forward on the tips of it’s orange rays, beckoning him on." Its.
“Well we can’t have a overly smart Eloi running havoc out there." I believe it's an overly.
"Here was a fallen city millennia’s old." I believe it's millennias.
| applepielover chapter 2 . 2/17/2009
In response to your review reply: You're welcome. Thank you for sharing wonderful stories.
That was horrid what the Morlocks are doing to Aaro. Poor Eloi was forced to do those thing out of his will. I look forward to reading the next chapter when you're able to.
"It was a few hour walk to a far away place that Aaro was being carried off to." I think it's hours.
"He couldn't get over it's stench." It's its.
"The anger inside him vanished but not without leaving it’s mark." Its.
"Where were the others than that were taken away?" It's then.
"He patted the tiny head, seeing if it would open it’s eyes." Its.
"Beat one of the top fighters.” Should it be beats?
"He come to see his own master had a large cave with a few sections inside it." I think come should be came.
"Being used doing this in his own herd..." I think "to" should be between used and doing.
"It had a face similar to his but it’s many Morlock features fooled him." Its.
"It roared out at the both of them, shaking it’s deformed arms." Its.
"It was a cross gone bad by it’s shape." Its.
"The mad creature’s head wobbled about on it’s too long of a neck." Its.
"It was clearly out of it’s mind as well." Its.
"The hybrid swung it’s overgrown claws at him..." Its.
| applepielover chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
Wow, this is interesting. Well written. I like the characterization of Aaro. You managed to portray an Eloi's point of view. Great job! :D
"He hardly seen this creatures." I believe this should be the.
"Or was he really that lucky." I think there should be a question mark at the end.
| J u s t . E s c a p e chapter 2 . 2/3/2009
It's all very good and I like it very much. You're very creative with this concept so keep going.