|Reviews for Reversal of Fortunes|
| Loatroll chapter 6 . 9/9/2009
Interesting story! Looking forward to more.
| Tri-Emperor of The Twilight chapter 6 . 9/2/2009
Great story. It's Ranma/Ukyo/Shampoo correct?
| Mackon chapter 6 . 8/27/2009
Hehe the girls sure are getting themselves mixed up, can not wait to see how this turns out.
Thanks for sharing.
| Toutsei chapter 6 . 8/1/2009
This has been a very cool story so far!
| Ganheim chapter 6 . 7/27/2009
Good evening, Great
[Is this spoken aloud, thought, or something else? There’s neither punctuation nor formatting to isolate it from standard narrative]
She acknowledges your presence now at least."
[I’m a little confused by the interaction and characterization with Shampoo not so much as acknowledging her father. Yes, he does show up in the manga, but his appearance was so spartan (I only recal him in one chapter) that my guess was Takahashi decided to cut his role and removed him as much as she could without being able to go back. Anyway, I’m still trying to figure out how what seems to be a pretty socially starved Shampoo would totally close herself off from somebody – particularly a non-threatening and potentially helpful figure as her father – when she tolerates somebody who interferes as much as Mousse. In canon she was by no means friendly to the Fiancee Brigade, but I feel that there’s something askew. It will probably be clarified/smoothed as the story progresses, and I’m sorry I can’t provide anything more specific, and maybe there’s more to that interaction, but it’s a nagging feeling]
"So, what is it?" the night shift controller asked. "It's the size of a small biplane
[ It’s Snoopy]
There was a giant flying bull descending upon Nerima.
[Funny how I didn’t expect Taro to make a show here. There goes another of my suppositions]
[Extra apostrophe after ‘don’t’]
"Shampoo specialty is fighting in air.
[I remember her pulling some vicious weapon moves, and she’s pretty adaptable, but if her fighting style was based in the air I’d think she’d take to the air a lot more often. At least, based on canon. Still, this is no great stretch of suspense of disbelief and it works fairly well]
Only shooting one or two snide comments in as many hours? That was not Shampoo.
[Then again, relations between the Fiancee Brigade were always tenuous at best, things always got worse when Ranma was involved, and Shampoo never seemed to be involved unless Ranma was involved. Ukyo and Akane got along because they were together in things that didn’t involve Ranma (and therefore didn’t spawn the vicious competitiveness). My perspective, anyway]
They had went two days without trying to kill each other and the thought of going back to "normal" made Ukyo feel uncomfortable, despite telling herself otherwise.
[Funny how outside adversity can screw up rivalries and antagonism like that, huh?]
If she wouldn't kill a threat like that the raven-haired teen doubted Shampoo would go after her first.
[I believe ‘raven-haired’ refers to Ukyo, but I’m pretty sure that she’s got brown hair. It may have been blue once in a Japanese poster, but then again girl-Ranma’s hair has been every color from blue to pink in the manga. Shampoo also usually has black hair in the manga, if I remember correctly, though she’s had various shades of blue in a few covers and merchandise posters vary even more]
caught the bonbari
[‘bonbori’, although since that can reference a Japanese paper lantern I prefer the proper term ‘chúi’ or just ‘mace’]
was familiar as was
[I think the pacing needs a comma after ‘familiar’]
felt the bit dislocate
not even feeling her foot being caught at the last moment before she went over the edge...
[Despite the last-minute save, she’s still probably pretty messed up]
but Taro ducked out of the way and retaliated with punch that was much faster than Shampoo expected for such a bulky appendage.
[Taro is deceptively fast in his cursed form isn’t he? I’ll have to keep that in mind when he shows in The Best Laid Plans]
brought her bonbari
[‘bonbori’, though as that references a paper lantern I prefer ‘mace’ or its proper name ‘chúi’]
impacted her she had
hadn't went over,
[hadn’t _gone_ over seems to flow slightly better to me, though both do work I suppose]
Peace was peace, but when it came to getting this close to Ranma then all bets were off.
[Sounds true to the characters]
Shampoo broke a rib and a finger.
[Given the blows that went back and forth, I’m surprised she didn’t break a lot of ribs and phalangeal/metacarpal bones]
when he got all sweaty while exorcising!"
[Unless Ranma’s been doing secret training against demons, I think you mean ‘exercising’]
at her fiancée'
Ukyo couldn't help but return it. In a way, Ukyo knew she was playing with fire; getting too close to Shampoo was a problem that would certainly come back to bite her in the ass down the road. Only one person could win, after all, and anything other than rivalry or hate would get in the way of that.
[Sounds quite like the barriers they put up between each other in canon]
made the two partner's
"Hello, Auntie Nodoka."
[I called that!]
Although I knew that twist at the end was coming, it still had that sudden comic tinge characterizing the Ranmaverse. The fight against Pantyhose Taro was also sell done (trying to drag it out could've really ruined things, but as is felt right), and it will be interesting to see how things develop as they are forced to spend more time around each other without fighting, as well as Ranma’s increasing role (or potentially). Nodoka’s looming presence is also something I’ll look forward to seeing everybody scramble trying to figure out how to deal with.
| Hat O' Doom chapter 6 . 7/24/2009
Exellent chapter! The intereactions between the two are written very well. Becoming friends though somewhat reluctantly...screw it. All your writing is good! I find no faults with it.
So Nodoka has arrived. Hopefully Ranma will appreciate what they did after the initial firestorm dies down.
| Mizuno Tenshi2 chapter 6 . 7/23/2009
Cool chapter, things are building up nicely. This will be so awesome if it works well and goes towards the threesome it suggests. Keep up the great writing!
| kzinti7 chapter 6 . 7/18/2009
i love "what if" stories. when they are well wrighten and so dude ths is great' PLEASE complete this story
| For Spite chapter 6 . 7/18/2009
This remains enjoyable as the alterations to canon spread. Whether this is a friendship fic or a romance you do a good job showing the characters bonding and their own uneasiness over how close they are getting, interspersed with humor (which is highly appropriate given the source material).
One mild problem, Pantyhose Tarou's pantyhose is not actually visible when he's in monster form (he's got the magically appearing and disappearing clothes Genma does, maybe from practicing with the curse from birth) and Ukyo didn't mention it, so "pantyhose wearing freak" is not an insult Ranma would know to use.
| loaned chapter 6 . 7/17/2009
Cool, keep up the good work.
| R.T.Stephens chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
At the end of this chapter, I'm sure Ukyo and Shampoo would rather go ten more rounds with Taro than deal with the latest problem.
Nice resolution to the last chapter and building into the next. There's a real flow here and keeps me waiting for the next installment.
Saw a few spelling and grammatical errors sprinkled throughout so might want to do a quick read-through to fix those up. My only other nitpick is that Taro's cursed form seemed underpowered. I'm basing my knowledge off of the manga and haven't seen the anime where he appeared (yeah, I know, this makes me a heretic) but I remember him being RIDICULOUSLY strong. Possibly even stronger than Lime from the Musk. His hands were shown to be able to completely hold a person in his grip and four people at a time could be on his back while he flew. Only Happosai and Cologne were able to go toe-to-toe with him. He's also a pretty darn good martial artist while human. It's not a story breaker but the perfectionist (read: fanboy) in me noticed that. However, it was awesome how Shampoo was able to fight him so I'll give props for that.
Looking forward to the resolution to the semi-unexpected guest that everyone will have to deal with.
| Wulfenbach chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
To quote Kasumi, "Oh my"
| Dumbledork chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
Oh boy! Can't wait for next chapter. Great job here once again.
| rewind gone nuts chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
Ooh, now this is going to get messy. And some nasty injuries, too- but, then again, Taro always was a vicious little bastard. Wouldn't Cologne probably know some sort of special remedies -herbal, accupuncture, pressure points, moxibustion, whatever- that can accelerate the healing process, though? Just out of curiosity. If so, I wonder if she'd share them with Ukyo because she wanted to avoid breaking their truce or because she genuinely has become that friendly... ah well, one will never know, eh?
In before anyone can say that Ranma was too stupid about the 'evidence', I'll just say this. Firstly, Ranma is willing to believe the better of those who make up his social circle. Secondly, both Shampoo and Ukyo are known by Ranma to be capable of lustful thoughts towards him- witness Ukyo's begging Genma to move his thumb and let her catch a glimpse of Ranma "full frontal" in the manga version of the Hiryu Shoten Ha storyline (the anime censored that, so Ranma effectively preserved his own modesty in the picture), or Shampoo's... well, I don't think I need to point out a particular moment with her, now do I? In all honesty, I'd believe that Ranma had personally come to the same conclusion as Nabiki, plus the reasoning that they wouldn't want to pay Nabiki's extortionate prices anyway (not only don't they like her, Ukyo's survival literally depends on the money she makes, so she can't afford to throw it away like Kuno can), and his claim about them being bird-watching was obfuscating stupidity to avoid the potential for trouble just revealing that would bring.
I really like how you're developing the friendly relationship between the two girls. While I don't, personally, think either of them is really bisexual, I do consider them the "Ryoga and Ranma" of the girls' circle (when it comes to Akane, however, they're both Kuno and she is Ranma); they're staunch rivals, but they're also the closest thing each other has to a friend of the same gender. I think you're doing a good job of handling their growth and so far I continue to enjoy this story.
| Digital Dragon Productions chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
Excellent Chapter. Good thing they dodged that bullet. If Nabiki started selling that they were working together to get Ranma. . say to the Kunos things would quickly get out of hand.
Imagine Kodachi looking at a list of potential allies to even the playing field. Asuka the white rose - pass. Akane - pass . The entire rhythmic martial artist team that I command. . .maybe.. .do I need to get them their parents to sign a permission slip for that ? *Sigh* things were easier when you could fight fairly before the fight.