|Reviews for Reversal of Fortunes|
| The Gandhara chapter 5 . 7/6/2009
This story is amazing. I can't believe how well you're developing Shampoo's and Ukyo's characters, and the incredibly natural way you're making their friendship grow. Good job.
| Dumbledork chapter 5 . 7/5/2009
Nice new twist. Good idea to bring in Taro.
| R.T.Stephens chapter 5 . 7/5/2009
The interactions between Ukyo and Shampoo in this chapter really struck one of the cords that most fanfic writers miss when reading through the original source material. That the characters are very lonely and want to reach out to others but are too socially awkward and stubborn/prideful to do so. Some might say that I'm reading too much into the series but I don't think so considering half the cast is obsessed with being with a significant other. They all put a lot of effort, physical and emotional, into gaining the affections of one particular person not really realizing that they could all be friends if they just stopped looking at each other as competition. I think Ryoga highlights this theme perfectly.
I think it's excellent that Ukyo and Shampoo are unintentionally reaching out to be friends but are still clumsy about doing it. I look forward to reading how this ends up.
And wow, I haven't seen sleep-attacking Shampoo since the Pink and Link arc in the manga! Very cute and funny!
| rewind gone nuts chapter 5 . 7/5/2009
An interesting chapter, a very interesting one. A nice look into Ukyo's mind with this chapter, the parts where each girl was somewhat envious of the other's figure and unaware that the other felt the same way felt very realistic, and the character development is well done as well. The bit where Ukyo realised Shampoo has similar 'sleep fighting training' to Ranma was both a nice bit of comedy and a good reference to the fact that, though she doesn't get to show it very often, Shampoo is a legitimately skilled warrior herself- refer to her display of defensive talents in the manga version of the Takeout Race.
I do think that you had Ukyo underestimate herself a bit. In the anime, it's pretty much canon that the skill gap between them is very close- Ranma the Lady Killer has them fight for about an hour or so offscreen, with neither of them coming off the winner. But, I will admit that Shampoo probably does have a slight edge in skill, and she's more likely to be the more skilled of them at aerial combat.
| Wrin chapter 4 . 7/2/2009
Really good so far. Wish I'd gotten to read it earlier, but my e-mail client go screwed up and I couldn't get the alerts for a while. Keep up the good work!
| Digital Dragon Productions chapter 4 . 7/1/2009
Excellent Chapter. Looking forward to more. I can just imagine Akane trying to get Ranma to remember what he was doing. "Come On Ranma. I know that there is a non pervert trying to get out of you! "
| Ganheim chapter 4 . 6/30/2009
Predictably, Shampoo had already scampered off, leaving Ukyo to hold the bag.
[True to form, definitely]
making it's way
[‘its’ is the possessive of ‘it’, ‘it's’ is the contraction of ‘it is’]
Ukyo stared long and hard a the Amazon, but the girl had an incredible poker face.
[The girls all have a talent at cunning and manipulation, don’t they?]
the Amazon had came through.
[I think ‘come’ fits slightly better]
she was the good fiancée';
[I think it’s missing an opening inverted comma before ‘good’, if I read the emphasis right]
She wasn't even trying to taunt Ukyo anymore
[So what was with the pants?]
Genma was still either deflected
[The ‘was’ seems unnecessary]
That need, that want, to pound him flat but the inability to do it. Made him down-right nostalgic.
[I thought that it’s amusing how little Genma’s concerned about Shampoo – which, given the circumstances, I think is quite true to how things might be going]
with Akane who's years of experience
At least she was at least to see if Ukyo
[I think there’s a repeated ‘at least’ instead of whatever Akane was supposed to be doing]
call the teen a lier,
In fact, the middle Tendo looked almost speculative as she watched events unfold which struck Ukyo as being odd.
[I have the sense that Nabiki was actually paying attention to the accusations/explanations, and is planning a way of conniving a lot of money out of this]
What the heck would I have done if you'd hurt each other?”
[Wow, I hadn’t even considered what should have been the likely possibility that Akane would put it on ‘wrong’. Good move]
Soun's demon head was was threatening to take the roof off the house, and four, Kasumi let out a low, “Oh my.”
[How comically true to Ranmaverse form]
Akane had picked up the nearest thing, which happened to be her writing desk,
[I’d ask ‘where’d she get that’, but she’s thrown anvils so I guess this is by no means something she couldn’t somehow get her hands ahold of while in the Saotome/guest room]
almost taking off one of Shampoo's trademark locks of hair in the process.
[One of the odango, if I have the name of the hairstyle correct?]
but he was was still
“Spit it out, Shampoo,” Ukyo added through teeth clenched in a happy smile.
they could only hope that they had changed things for the better.
[Things have most definitely changed, that’s for sure]
"Shampoo not." "Not a thing, Ranchan."
Ranma sighed; they were up to something.
[How does the old saying go? The only time witnesses agree on a story is when they’re colluding?]
"I guess that's why I grew up to be such a tomboy; it was always just me and my dad until I was six."
[A sensible explanation – a pity that canon never delves into this]
see Ranchan as a real man so he'll move in with her!"
[I’m slightly confused, is there a comma missing after ‘man’]
"All we have to do is..." She leaned in, whispering to Ukyo.
[Although this creates the requisite gap in information to heighten suspense, the narrative has been centering on those two girls, so it still carries the impression that we should hear whatever they hear. That’s the sense I get]
"Airen and Shampoo use too-too good disguise on Ryoga for waterproof soap."
[Ah, then it’s guaranteed to work on an idiot. Which applies to 90 percent of the Neriman Wrecking Crew (including extended members)]
off towards one of the far wards of Nerima.
[Wards in Tokyo, as Nerima is a ward of Tokyo itself? Granted it still has what would translate in English as its own ‘neighborhoods’ or various sub-districts]
It wasn't until she caught Shampoo's eyes did Ukyo notice the katana hanging on the woman's back.
[Well, it is typically wrapped up, isn’t it?]
Whether or not they walked to their salvation or doom, though, Ukyo couldn't even begin to fathom...
[I vote ‘both’]
There is nothing like reading an excellent fiction by someone else to get you motivated to work on your own.
"Please, excuse the mess," Nodoka said as they entered, though there was no mess at all.
[Sounds like a traditional thing to say to me - it seems to be expected that you in some manner degrade what you're talking about when you are introducing a new friend/outsider to your house/family. For families they are spoken of with lower honorifics, for houses they are often applied negative descriptors that often aren’t true – like this]
practically covering the table, was a full spread of food; there was practically enough to feed several families.
"I hope this is enough," Nodoka said. "I'm only used to cooking for myself, so I prepared what I used to when Ranma and Genma were home."
'Even Genma couldn't eat all this,' Ukyo and Shampoo thought together.
[I could very easily believe this, particularly the jibe against Genma, who’s probably sneezing or hiccupping somewhere]
As good as it was, she seemed to not enjoy it very much.
[A subtle yet very effective means of continuously reinforcing her depression. Very well put without going overboard]
“Yes, Shana does look awfully fit! You should join her so you'll fill out some and get some muscles.” Ukyo tried to grit her teeth and nod, but Shampoo's quiet snickers and smug look weren't helping.
[It must have been quite the effort not to audibly grind her teeth]
"When I was forced to marry my husband,
[I know this was supposed to be a serious segment, but maybe the phrasing reminded me of Faulty Towers. “Remember when we were first manacled together?”]
That was something
but I thought it best that your boyfriend talk to you first."
There was a cracking sound as the dish Shampoo was drying snapped in half. "Boyfriend? Ukito?" Oh god. All the looks, the whispering, the sitting next to each other; no wonder Nodoka had figured that. "No, no, no!
She was finally released and instantly got out of glomp range.
[And Shampoo, better than the rest of the NWC, would probably know precisely what that range is]
Airen move out.
[Actually, all they have is that the contract is (probably) no longer a concern, and a suspicion that Ranma’s curse is not the threat they feared – it still might be, but I’m doubting that based on the consistency of Nodoka’s pining as you’ve portrayed. Still possible]
No could fight in strange armor, people hear you sneaking up on them."
[Actually, Shampoo’s got a point. Mecha are generally about as subtle as thermonuclear weapons, with similar levels of property damage]
living nothing but the moment.
Because tomorrow...it could all be over.
[Much like something else]
That was extremely well done. I was glad to see the story picked back up, but concerned at the shorter chapters. As they’ve kept coming, the quality has remained consistently high and I’m liking the degree of introspection/speculation that we’re seeing on characters that never had their fair share of the limelight in canon. This last chapter seemed to center a lot on Shampoo, I wonder if the story’s going to remain centering on her of if there’s going to be any alternating between she and Ukyo. Either way, I’m looking forward to your next installments.
| R.T.Stephens chapter 4 . 6/30/2009
Interesting take on Nodoka. She is, quite possibly, one of the hardest of the Ranma 1/2 cast to write. There's very little we know about her or how she really thinks. Takahashi kept Ranma guessing, as well as us, the reader, all the way to the end whether she would go through with that contract or not. And even afterwords, there were glimpses that she might still be holding to it. Your take is certainly plausible even though it takes some of the tension out of the story the way you revealed her. However, that gives you more room to focus on the two schemers and I certainly can't get enough of them!
Drat those feelings of camaraderie! They just worm their way in and won't let go.
| Dumbledork chapter 4 . 6/30/2009
WOW! Excellent chapter here.
| Nysk chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
In Nerima, nothing is that easy... I wonder what can go wrong...
Surprise us.. please :)
| rewind gone nuts chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
Not bad, not bad at all. I'm personally of the opinion that Nodoka would uphold that contract, if only because she is, in her way, as obsessed with duty as her husband and son are, but every person has their own opinion. That Ukyo and Shampoo took steps to make sure she really was serious about her claims of only intending to frighten Genma was a nice touch that helped it flow more fluidly, so good work with that.
| Hat O' Doom chapter 3 . 6/29/2009
Nice story-wwriting! Interesting plan the girls have there. Almost foolproof. What could possibly go wrong?
| loaned chapter 3 . 6/23/2009
Cool, keep up the good work. It's really turning out to be cool.
| Dumbledork chapter 3 . 6/22/2009
I really enjoy this story so far.
| For Spite chapter 3 . 6/22/2009
It's interesting how much you have this one incident spiral out. Of course, Ranma (and a lot of episodic series) has quite a few points where things could change but don't. Still, you do a good job characterizing Ukyo and Shampoo's uneasy alliance. In fact, I'm surprised Ukyo's not on the character list for this since she probably gets more screen time than Ranma does. Does it only limit you to two? Oh well, no complaints, just something I noticed. Noticing the mother's theme this chapter I wonder if anything happened to Shampoo's since I don't believe we ever see her.
And it'd be nice if we got a theory behind Ranma's oddly low key reactions to Akane under the jewel (low key and reversed relative to everyone else and what one would think they'd be).
As for your chapter sizes, I prefer big chapters to small chapters and small chapters to no updates. So, I'll take what I can get.