|Reviews for Our Night|
| E chapter 4 . 8/1/2012
is the story over?
| Linasan chapter 3 . 4/14/2009
Please continue this, it's good!
| shelter chapter 3 . 2/6/2009
Quite substantial content in this chapter. So let me review this systematically:
1) Not exactly sure why you chose Deneve & Helen's POV when this story has consistently for the last 2 chapters been confined to Miria & Tabitha, & within Rabona. The link between Deneve & Helem wasn't too clear, although I can see the hint of potential trouble. Good foreshadowing.
2) I think you've touched very finely on Galatea without too much elaboration. A very smooth way you've introduced her - I suspect she will come back to influence the sparring pair.
3) This is a problem with most Claymore stories: they include a mock fight/ sparring session that serves either as method to thicken the plot & relationship of 2 characters OR an outlet for emotions/ desires too unseen in normal storytelling. It kinda reminds me of all those random fights in Chinese swordfighting movies :D The fight seems to serve both purposes here - and it's ok with me.
It's just that I thought the fight could've ended differently. If you wanted to illustrate Miria's doubt, I'm curious why you must use Galatea to sense it, when Tabitha (who is fighting Miria directly & is just a great yoki-detectors) is a much better character to unearth & be influenced by Miria's doubt.
But don't want to interrupt your storytelling process. It's progressing good - as far as I can see :)
| shelter chapter 2 . 2/3/2009
This is a story which has been long in coming. And while I'm a bit disappointed that I couldn't have written it, I think you will probably do a much better job than me :)
There are just 2 grouses I have with your story:
1) Perspective - I find that, while you've been quite creative in fashioning very romantic settings to use as a kind of pathetic fallacy for Miria & Tabitha, they are somewhat offset by your portrayal of the relationship. I feel it's not so much the actual plot, but the presentation style, which makes interaction & emotion between the 2 quite static.
Throughout most of the 2 chapters, you rely very heavily on dialogue. But considering Tabitha's (traditionally-interpreted) demure-ness & Miria's overpowering presence, the dialogue only serves to illustrate the plot - but not the emotional state of either one. When you reduced the dialogue in the last few paragraphs of chapter 2, only then did the story turn on its head, & the emotion became very clear & effective.
Besides, your dialogue makes the 2 characters equal. But it'll be interesting if there were to still enjoy each other's company in a setting where 1 person initiates more than the other.
2) Story - I apologize if I sound a bit harsh here, but after reading 2 stories, I find that the trajectory of the plot seems slightly predictable. I appreciate the scene in the library & also the very touching scene in the cathedral gardens. But hopefully your next few chapters can either move out of Rabona, OR throw in some conflict/ complication to the relationship that will help the 2 develop closer. If it's just going to be the two of them, I think it might get draggy over time.
I'll continue to read as long as you update :) I'm also willing to write a guest chapter if you'd like.
| ThreeDog chapter 2 . 1/30/2009
I'm loving this, Miria - Tabby is my favourite pairing, you are doing it great and also, this story was screaming to be written by somebody! so, keep it up )
| Ahri Senpai loves you chapter 2 . 1/29/2009
wow another nice chapter! lolz miria
| Rhauth chapter 2 . 1/29/2009
oBWAHAHAHA(insert:a very loud crying sound!bad ending!very bad ending!never EVER do that again!I hate when chapters end with a longing feeling.i hope you understand...can you make your chapters longer...PLEASE!i beg you...
PS:just kidding...write whatever you want...
| Ahri Senpai loves you chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
heh. loved the ending update soon! great job!