|Reviews for The Past Now Present Taiyoukai|
| Bunny Lover chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
It was alright.I like the new one better.
| Kags Sesshy Lover chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
Loved one is still better.
| Sesshy Supper Fan chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
Ok I will say the rewrote version was alot better.
| Disappointed chapter 1 . 11/14/2009
That was so lmao. too rushed and not very believable.
| Anime Fan chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
I like the rewrote version alot better
| mthgirl chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
no offense, but it wasnt that deep. not enough emotion. like, how did she feal when she found out the well was closed. and also it went a little fast. hope this helps in the future
| 1Blue504 chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
fried chicken, corn, and champaigne? really? ok
| Danmaku Grazer chapter 1 . 1/30/2009
I like it, I'm glad you got it edited. To tell the truth though, I think your beta got a bit lazy (no offense to her.) Just I seen some mistakes and other things.
Ignoring that though, I liked it :D
| Gothic Lust chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
Cute, but there are many things that this story is lacking in.
The one thing that strikes me as most obvious is Sesshoumaru's personality. He is far too complaisant in this fanfiction. I expect Sesshoumaru to be more abrasive and arrogant, even if it is with Kagome.
Another thing that I must point out… well two things that really bothered me:
One is their fast rekindling love. You must think about it, for Sesshomaru it’s been over 500 years since he’s last seen Kagome. Sure, her presence would not leave him if he truly loved her, but it would be hard to keep such love alive if so much time has separated them with nothing to tie him to a solid future (I doubt that he could be so resolute to search for her until he found her again…that is if he knew she was from the future at all). I would expect for Sesshoumaru to re-evaluate his emotions, and possibly take a few steps back to court Kagome again before rushing into such a decision again. Her leaving must have hurt him, even if he doesn’t blame her (which that subject was never touched upon) and I’d expect him to shield himself accordingly to that.
The second thing that really struck me as odd… is how fast Kagome’s pregnancy matured. One minute she was in the throws of passion and the next she’s pregnant just as the sheets were cooling. It is rather odd, especially with the sudden morning sickness. And besides, Kagome, at least in my opinion, would not just gallivant off with Sesshomaru, no matter how much she loved him. Again, time would have passed for her as well. Four years is plenty of time for her to come to some sort of realization that Sesshoumaru isn’t around, and won’t be around. I’d say that she may have lost hope in ever seeing him again (since that was not touched upon either).
All I’m saying is that there are many aspects of this story that still need to be smoothed out and reworked.
I’m not trying to bash this story in anyway. I liked the idea, and found it rather enjoyable. I just did not like the haphazard flow with which the plot was told. I believe that you can do much better than that if you tried a bit more (not that you haven’t tried, since you’ve already had it edited).
Speaking of editing: I found some grammar mistakes… well, mainly two spelling mistakes and a couple of sentences that needed another touch or two to fix.
Other than some of those problems, I liked this idea, and I hope that you will continue to write in the world of fanfiction.
You may reply to me if you wish, or contact me through my PM on fanfiction, if you ever need any help, or if you wish to curse my brains out for such a review (which I hope that you do not)…
- Gothic Lust
| Deazana chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
I read some of your other stories and you need to keep up with your betas as they can proofread and correct any typos and grammer mistakes. I can tell that thought went into this but you need to make the story not only from Kagome's point of view but also from Sesshoumaru's point of view. How did he feel about not seeing Kagome for 500 years and then she turns out to be his secretary. I don't think he would immediately run over to her and start a relationship from where it left off. Remember he doesn't know that she from the future. Take all of these things into consideration when writing the next story and ease them into a love relationship. Remember Kagome has to win him over since he hates most humans and she is with his brother-whether romantic or not and he hates most things associated with his brother. The story is not bad. It just needs to be tweeked a ;ittle bit. Good effort on the one shot thodh
| Nique-chan chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
Im sorry to say it would have been a great story but you need to work on your writting form... or the way you word things... double check your spelling and proof read. this may be a fanfiction site but there is still a certain quality that is expected from writers by readers
| whatever chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
One of the worse stories. There is no structure. Hated it, didn't even finish it it was so bad. ICK
| Gargoyles cause i said so chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
Hey, you fixed your grammer and spelling.
Just a few new things here when someone talks and you ended the sentence they talk, the , or . always goes before "
Oh and Kirara is not spelled like Kilala for some really odd reason. I have an episode and it says "The Suspicious Faith Healer and the Black Kirara."
All in all good job.
| mz.demon-inuyasha chapter 1 . 1/28/2009