|Reviews for Sekirei: The Fallen Sekirei|
| chaserboynoel chapter 4 . 8/13
| John chapter 12 . 6/22
I think the winging was rushed.
| Ikrani chapter 32 . 6/3
Eh, it was okay. There were a few bumps in the road, and more than enough places where the story felt a bit rushed or the characters generic. Unfortunately, I can't really rate this as more than mediocre. I just finished reading it and yet I can hardly recall a single thing about it. There were no big moments here, just a checklist of things to cover: the various wingings, Miya killing Karasuba because of course she does, Akitsu joining the harem because of course she does, Minaka dying because of course he does, etc.
Sidenote: what happened to Akitsu in the final chapter? She just stood there and didn't do anything. Did she even get winged?
Overall, this felt like a slightly different yet oddly watered-down version of "Minato's One and Only Wife". It has the same kind of ending, the same relationship between the primary two characters, Yume is characterized very much like Tsukiumi in terms of her dilemmas with the other Sekirei, and like I said, a lot of the same changes to the original story are made here as they were in lord of the land of fire's earlier fic.
I was also perplexed by your choice of lemons. I don't object to them, but I found it rather curious that you went into elaborate detail with Kazehana and Yume, but then only hinted at what went on with the rest. I question what purpose this served. If you're going to write lemons, write them. If you're not going to write them, don't write them. Consistency is all I'm saying, as it makes you feel like you're playing favorites with certain Sekirei.
| Ikrani chapter 21 . 6/2
If you have a character acting a certain way, just keep them consistent. It's kind of awkward to have Tsukiumi speak one way and then suddenly change for no reason other than because you want her to. Even with the heads-up it was still jarring. It doesn't matter how she speaks in one version or another, it's YOUR version of her. When you pull something like this and don't take the time to fix her previous dialog, it feels like you don't care. I hope you care, but putting in the extra effort really helps it show.
Also, anyone who wants to write Tsukiumi in her Shakespearean dialect, do a Google search of "michelle tufano weebly shakespeare conjugation". One of the first results will be a two-page PDF entitled "Shakespeare's Language", and it gives a thorough outline of contractions, conjugations, irregular verbs and pronouns. I highly recommend it to any Sekirei fanfic authors, because it really is a helpful bit of material.
| Ikrani chapter 13 . 6/1
Strange, I literally just wrote a review about how Miya was acting like a complete psycho, and you've managed to go even FURTHER with it.
If you're trying to make a comical moment with the flip-out, ask yourself this: "If the joke doesn't work, what are we left with?" In the case of this, we are left with a character getting way too worked up about a tiny little thing like a kiss, to the point where she beats a man unconscious. It's not charming, it's not a character moment that we haven't already seen before (shoot, you don't even change up the dialog much, just copy-paste "Improper relationships between unmarried men and women are strictly forbidden at Izumo Inn" and change a few words at most), it doesn't advance the plot, so what reason is there for it being there? It's the same question I ask for most instances but they're quiet enough so that I can allow them to slide. But this? She's practically Jason Voorhees with a ladle instead of a machete. Shoot, I think Jason would open his mouth for the first time to tell her to dial it down a notch.
Again, something like this needs to have build-up, because without build-up, there's no justification for a character going ape-sheit like Miya does, at least in the eyes of the audience. And if this is building to a different moment, (like where Miya discusses her own pent-up sexual frustration, or how seeing those kinds of displays re-opens old wounds left by her husband dying), drop us a hint, BEFORE you have the flip-out occur.
Anyway, I shall now read the rest of the chapter...
Really would've been nice to have all this info about Miya BEFORE the rage-explosion. I knew about Miya beforehand, because I watched the anime and read the manga (in that order), but this isn't those stories. This is YOUR story. These are YOUR versions of the characters, and even if they're exactly the same way, you still have to establish them in YOUR narrative. A story needs to be able to hold up, on its own, without the need of outside sources to prop it up. Supplemental material should be supplemental, not a vitality.
Still, once that whole thing blew over, it was an enjoyable chapter overall. In hindsight, I really like how much you differentiate Yume from Musubi. She's not the same lovey-dovey character like we saw in the anime/manga, she's a lot tougher and somewhat meaner. I can dig it. Because I know the reason for her more dour attitude.
| Ikrani chapter 12 . 6/1
Uh... Rather abrupt, wouldn't you say? Having Kazehana get over her old feelings so quickly? I mean, that's kind of a big part of her initial character and you didn't even bring it up before she winged herself.
Same thing with Tsukiumi: the same chapter she was introduced, she was over her prejudice. Even the anime at least gave a few episodes' worth of head-start before she changed. That's why it was satisfying. Joss Whedon once said that cool moments have to be earned. I understand the temptation to just rush ahead to the big moments, where awesome stuff happens, but if there's no build-up, then they don't feel awesome.
How awesome would it be if Rocky just reached the top of those steps before the montage even began? How awesome would it be if Edward and Al just up and FOUND the Philospher's Stone, or worse, had it given to them with a "No, really, it's yours" attached? That would suck. Because we wouldn't have seen the struggle. Characters are the same way. You need to build to the moments where they pour their hearts out to someone, or snap and go on a rampage, or realize they truly love someone or the like. The moments won't happen as quickly, or as frequently, but they'll really be meaningful when they do.
Finally, Miya seems a lot more tyrannical than she did in the anime or the manga. Yeah, she didn't like people getting raunchy or nasty, but from how she flips out from the mere act of kissing, you'd think she was a complete psychopath.
| 7137 chapter 24 . 11/18/2015
Although Akitsu is a 'Discarded Number', she is still technically Number 7 and therefore a single Number
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/8/2015
ooh thank god for some eason i dont like musubi
probly' 'cause she never learns . . . kuu learns faster
| Shade Seeker chapter 32 . 9/3/2015
This was a really good story. I would recommend revising the Middle English that Tsukiumi speaks (it is not simply replacing "you" with "thou").
I would also like to throw out a query. Is it possible for a Sekirei to wing another Sekirei? What would the effects be?
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/20/2015
Miya acts more like a mother than landlady and cor some reason even though minato is sappouse to be mani g up he still stays there and sa6s nothing
| K chapter 9 . 7/20/2015
So what happened to yukari and shina and why didnt miya say or anybody else say anything to them since he is barley older than kuu and she is 18
| Guest chapter 8 . 7/7/2015
Why does not one have a problem with yukari being with Shina he can't be more than a couple years older than kui
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/6/2015
So what happened to her card and the box of cloths
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/6/2015
Never understood why he only applied to one collage the second time around
| The King of the Game chapter 32 . 5/8/2015
To Pedowriter: Why the hell are you commenting if you have nothing constructive to state about the story?