|Reviews for Illumination|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/20/2017
Solo voy a preguntar esto...
¿Qué mierda te fumaste al hacer esto?
Es la trama más estúpida, sin sentido y forzada que e visto en mi puta vida.
Esto no parece un fanfic, parece una puta parodia de una mala telenovela.
¿Qué mierda pensaste al meter algo así en un mundo como el de dragón Ball?
Como sea, estoy fuera.
| nancy103 chapter 25 . 12/21/2016
One of your best chapters yet! Loved this so much! The fighting with the brother and sister was definitely a nice touch. And then the comradery between them all, quite excellent. Great work!
| SilviaS7 chapter 25 . 12/8/2016
Dear anonymous reviewer,
I would really love to chat with you and discuss my story. I am so curious to know, are you still reading this fic? And if so, why? You don't seem to enjoy it. I do not wish to argue with you or make you change your mind, I am just interested in a discussion so I can ask you more about your criticisms. Please sign in and PM me, you can make a dummy account, I don't mind. :]
| La Kalaka chapter 22 . 12/5/2016
Well, Dax appears and also Nassas, mmmh, mhhh, love when some unrelated characters cross paths in some way, despite not talking to each other, it's interesting. I can't be mad at Dax, he looks like he has his own agenda, and at least have some sort of respect for Armada (if we go by what Nassas is saying), although I would like to know why he took her money from her. I need to re read and know if that money has a purpose thus the reason he took it away from her.
I think my favorite part is to see how Trunks and Armada's relationship has changed to the point he was about to reveal her where he is coming from. Wow that was big and even more surprising is the fact that Armada stopped him from doing it and even making a point to make him remember why he has to keep it to himself considering the danger they are in. Tenderness is not necessary to make a touching scene and I am glad Trunks' opinion on her is changing too. Friendship is forming between them and I am loving it.
Sooo, Preva is also friends with Ryan, mmmh, same as Corvus. Also that Armada was key in the defeat of Preva, also the revelation of a different type of fighter who was dangerous for that hability more than his physical strenght. Shame he died, I liked his personality and the fact that he was ready to sacrifice everything to win, lots of respect for him, at some point it makes me thing that you reversed the common trope of the hero trying to surpass the powerful villain with everything he got. But in this case it was the villain/antagonist who was trying to surpass the hero.
However I dunno, maybe Corvus left a great impression but I think there is something about Preva that didn't manage to convince me, although I liked his personality. Dunno, i think it lacked more in the side of knowing more about his relationship with Corvus before this battle to make it more emotionally charged, because althougg he mentioned he wanted to avenge his friend, prior to this we didn't know about that and just telling it... mmmh i think it lacked here. but for the rest was a good fight and a good chance to see Armada and Trunks working as a team and caring for each other.
Oooh and there is a weapon and Laiserta doing mischief, i am worried, sometimes Laiserta is a wild card and I worry she is gonna put the group in seriouys shit if she gets to fix that weapon which is a very dangerous one.
Which makes me wonder if that's the reason why Rieve is so mad at her. You know, if she destroyed the only fabric and that's the only weapon that survived...
| La Kalaka chapter 21 . 12/5/2016
Oooh, wow, that was some nice intro with Armada's story, glad to know more about her, it was about time! :DDDD Ah, poor Armada, a child soldier who obviously got no said in the matter, no wonder she is so protective of Marice and for that she wants to drop her at the Refugee program so she doesn't have to deal with all this crazyness. She trust our favorite demi saiyan to try to keep her safe.
Doctor Rema is GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!, I like his sass and his snarkyness. He is rough but still a good person, i laughed at his conversation with Armada xD.
Oooh, neat explanation about the Minovsky field, like it :D and yay! Trunks gonna train Marice! Yeah, she at least needs to defend herself and I am sure she is stronger than she is letting on 3
Wah! another member to the group! I think I am liking the fact that she can survive in hstile enviroments makes for some interesting missions and makes me think of pairing her with Marice. Oh boy if it wasn't a very tense moment when she mnanaged to corner Armada. And Trunks working along Laiserta and even cracking some jokes with her and having fun, I am loving this pair :D aaah yes, that's how a good team works, they get along and they talk to each other (learn something Kubo!)
Very smart of Naxaime to go under another's identity, i wonder what sort of places goes doctor Ackerman that Naxaime doesn't need to worry about ppl trying to hunt down the elderly man.
And again Laiserta keeps pushing Marice towards their crazy lives despite Armada's intentions (first was when she was used as jailbait). Mmmh, i do wonder if Armada will confront Laiserta about all of this, i find it a bit off putting since it could put Marice in danger. Which has me wonder also where was Marice the whole time when they were braking havoc in the casino, did she was in the ship all the time? or was she in the casino?
| La Kalaka chapter 19 . 11/30/2016
Shit, i messed up and now I have to put my review for chapter 20 here, sorry!
I think chapter 20 was a very funny and wholesome chapter, the group meets unexpected complications, we get so see Laiserta's home and how much she loves her homeplanet, also that she also has her own secrets and past and is not as sunny as she likes to pretend to be. I like my characters with more that one face 3 And I think we gonna get more of that in the future, isn't it? about Dr. Ibrahim.
Thank you for the info about their ages, poor Trunks, missing home and keeping himself guarded about Earth and everything related to it, he is quite the secretive guy for someone so easy to read, he is learning, i am glad you are making a point showing he is not only Vegeta's son but also Bulma's, I was very pleased to see him handling technology easily because it's expected and very logical being the son of a genius. Brand and brains, good convo if you ask me :D
I also liked Armada's protectiveness over Marice, the more when Laiserta suggested using her as bait for the pedophile and how she asked Trunks to help her and Keep Marice away from the mercenary life, although I think is not gonna be as easy. But truly loved that side of her 3 I am looking foward to Armada's journey as much as Trunks.
I think i was relieved that Marice didn't get in any danger and that the team took care of the bastard easily, i was feeling stressed!, that sort of thing doesn't sit well with me, so i was happy to see you solved it quickly :D
The Cintas' guy and their attack on Laiserta was unexpected but enjoyable nonetheless, some more action, Marice rescue which has me all cheering over team mercenary, oooh poor punks, they didn't know what hit them, LOL
And slice of life moments courtesy of Laiserta and Marice, the last scene with them dragging Armada with them was sweet and touching, love it, i truly enjoy this bunch of people that has become Trunks allies :D
BTW, those clothes Marice wore to meet the pedophile... weren't you describing Launch clothes? the top, the mini shorts and the suspenders, even the wig made me think of Launch hairstyle, LOL xDDDD is that an easter egg? ROFL!
Loved it to pieces, among my fave chapters, still Corvus vs Trunks is my all time favorite chapter 3
| La Kalaka chapter 20 . 11/30/2016
Okay, read 3 chapters in one sit, if it wasn't for the fact that I am busy i would read everything in one sit, but then my scattered brain would make a jumbled mess of this review... well it's gonna be a jumbled mess anyways, i hope it's at least legible.
I love your OC cast, everyone truly adds something new to Trunks and Armada little squad; Laiserta has added humor and sarcams, I do love sarcams and a playful personalities, which are hard to do because it's easy to make the character annoying, thankfully you manage well with Laiserta, she is well balanced, she can be lighthearted and funny, making fun of Trunks and teasing Armada who is so serious, they both make a nice contrast; but at the same time I can see glimpses of a more serious personality and as the rest of the cast, she also has a dark past behind her and her own secrets if her reactions to the news about that doctor are something to go by.
Love to see also a more human side of Armada in the way she treats Marice, i like that subtlety in her behaviour and how Trunks has caught up on that. So Armada is a child soldier uh?, no wonder she looks a bit more caring towards Marice.
And talking about Marice, such a good addition to the team, yes, I am sure she is more than meets the eye. I think it was Laiserta who noticed her unusual strenght, besides she looks like the type who has good surviving skills in hostile enviroments after a whole life living in Euphoria. What an ironic name for a post apocaliptic planet :_D She acts pretty much like a young girl and it adds a touch of sweetness and innocence to the team.
Trunks is someone I am loving pretty much, keeping himself guarded at all times despite how hard is for someone so open like him, as the other members minus Marice, he keeps his secrets as guarded as he can. I also appreciate he has some of VEgeta's personality traits, like a great pride, a touch of arrogance over his powers and how less forgiving he is when fighting or letting someone who almost killed him to go unscathed and also that he is very protective of the earth and his loved ones.
Good job overall.
About the chaptes, I think Chapter 18 was a very quiet and quite normal chapter, easy mission with some bumps in the ride, courtesy of a drunk alien, poor Trunks xD Laiserta weights too much, LOL but the most interesting part has been Nasas and his reintroduction to the story, what a fanboy! xDDDDD but i worry about Laiserta and the rest of the team, Nassas has a silver tonge and is very tricky, so i want to see what's gonna happend with him and the cast when they meet again.
Chapter 19; well that was one of my favorite chapters, because the whole Minovsky field over the whole planet and that Marice appeared and was pretty much a very treacherous kid, but yes, she is a survivor and she has to do her best to help her people. Too much weight for someone so young, Laiserta was spot on not trusting her but glad to see the group managed to get out safely. I was surprised that the captain of the squad decided to come back for his people instead of get out with the device since it was a very important record that would put his nation to shame due nto its content, I would expect him to leave his men behind and follow orders; convenient for the group but a bit odd for me. For the rest, I enjoyed seeing Marice using her surviving skills and going with the group, although I was frowning the entire time when she asked to get taken away from Euphoria despite her being the negotiator to keep her little town alive, but then she told them about how she was the only one fighting while the others just have given up... and I couldn't help but agree, too much responsability for someone so young, she has a right to live her life the best she can. Curiously I am looking foward to her relationship with Armada, I think she would be a good catalist for her, someone she feel related to and maybe open a bit more :D
BTW I have to thank you that you are not making all the girls fall for Trunks, thank you, maybe Marice could have a crush (dunno if that would happen) but I am glad you are giving these women better goals than just be love interests and if something happens, maybe it will be in a future and I trust your skills to develop that as well as your characters and this story. For all I care i am very much glad to see them bonding and becoming a true team and friends and for Armada to be saved not only through Trunks but also the rest of the team. Yeah, these are my kind of stories, loving this so, so much!
I will comment on chapter 20 later! must come back to my job! :D
| La Kalaka chapter 17 . 11/27/2016
I do like Neis as I do like the rest of your OC cast, you have a way to make interesting OCs who are more than background meat. I liked the way he was able to trick Seventeen with just his intelligence and a peach, LOL XD that was great and that he became Trunks friend, good to see him have a friend his age.
I think i need to draw Trunks in the funeral clothes, the way you described them makes me want to draw him. Poor Murtole ;_; and poor Trunks too, but Laiserta is right, he can't let this to bring him down, he has to continue, even if he can't see the enemy directly. I suppose in a way I do believe Armada tried to help with his grief, in her own way but she tried, but I still think Trunks should tell him about Dax, i fear this is gonna be other thing that gonna backfire in Trunks face, again.
BTW I am glad Laiserta is with them, she adds a nice touch of humor and funny enough, warm and a more compasionate view that Armada, at least in the way she noticed Trunks' mood and tried to help and even informed Armada about it.
Te scene at teh funerary though, it was a weird mix between the tailor so pumed for the challenge along Rei to Trunks mood, i liked how you make it change from one second to the next.
I hope to read more tomorrow! 3
| La Kalaka chapter 16 . 11/26/2016
Hi there Silvie! I am here again after years and years xDDD
I have to made a quick re read to get in touch again with your story. You really have a way with words and character construction, Armada is a good OC and the rest of the cast that is not from the Dragon Ball universe is charming in their own ways, even that cheating trash called Dax, after Armada i like doctor Rema the best and Nassas is fun too, Laiserta is growing on me a lot.
Okay coming down to bussiness with the breaking secutiry of chapter 14, it surprised me the fact that Trunks lacks technique in his fighting tecnique and relies way too much in the strenght given by his ki. It's a good angle to play with its character and very logical for me, because it gives room for Trunks to grow and not be just a stale walking powerhouse, plus the Minovsky field and the existence of technology able to stop someone like him. That's one of my favorite elements of the story.
This chapter was fun to read and see Trunks fare as a normal human being, the persecution was good and it keep me glued till the end. Glad to see the guys scape even if it was for a thin marging. Another thing that called my attention and that I liked is how unsettled Trunks is when Laiserta shows some robotic behaviour and hey I can't get why and I like how this add dimension to Trunks, I want to see where you gonna take it, it's interesting.
The mission with the pirates is suspicious and I wonder if it's connected to Rieve, those tablets seem very important.
Armada is starting to trust Trunks, and i can see that is surprising in itself, even if she can rationalize it as just being practical for the sake of their objective. Poor Trunks, he got his ass handed by her xD Vewgeta would be rolling on his tomb, LOL
Well and then Dax appears and I didn't know what to do... seriously Trunks, your father would have blasted the damn bastard to smithereens, again he shows how naive is, he should start taking some advice from Armada in terms of that, although she doesn't help with her attitude, poor Quarry ;_; which also makes me worry about Murtole and the others if we remember Dax words about Rieve wanting to kill everyone related to them. The guy was smart enought to connect the dots and know it as Trunks.
Dax is intriguing, because he seems to be sincere at least about Armada and not all that 100% loyal on Rieve but still making his job. He is interesting to say the least.
I will read more later! 3
I do wonder
| CloakSky chapter 9 . 10/26/2016
Great chapter! I'm a bit disappointed that you killed off Corvus. He was a fun character and I thought I'd see him again. Ah well.
I felt you made Trunks too strong, to be so much stronger than someone on Cell's 2nd form's level in his normal form. Well, I figure he's had years to train since he killed Imperfect Cell from his own timeline, so it's not implausible for him to be that strong.
I liked the line where Corvus had "the distinct feeling of being hit by a train," or something like that, it was funny. xD I'm a little surprised Corvus didn't seem to know about Saiyans, I mean sure they are extinct, but they used to rule the universe under Freeza. Then again, I guess the legend of the Super Saiyan isn't all that well known. And Trunks doesn't look like a Saiyan, either.
Anyway, that was a solid follow-up. Good action and nice flow. Good job. *thumb up*
| nancy103 chapter 24 . 10/13/2016
I really enjoyed this chapter! I do like the way you wrote it as it did seem to flow faster and easier. I enjoyed the past scenes quire a bit. Thanks for updating! Love this story!
| CloakSky chapter 8 . 10/8/2016
Saving each other's lives, huh. Nice was in real danger for the first time and it's what I've been waiting to happen (not that I want him to suffer but it makes the story more interesting). When Armada was interrogating the guy I suddenly wondered why she's not trying to investigate and find Dax to get her money back, or why Trunks isn't doing that either. It would certainly be a lot simpler than earning all that money back. I liked the doctor character, he's very likable. I also enjoyed Trunks' train of thought throughout the chapter, from the beginning when he was strolling around and enjoying Ute, to the description of his illness, to him waking up, and his thoughts on Armada, as well as their interactions at the beginning and the end of the chapter. Although, when he got the package I thought it was a bomb, but I guess I wasn't that far off. They still need the ship now anyway so blowing it up wouldn't have been convenient for what's following, I'm guessing. Well, I think I went over everything. Nice work as always! :D
| CloakSky chapter 7 . 10/3/2016
The last couple scenes were pretty funny, hehe. Of course I knew Armada was playing Noran, and honestly Trunks should've known better haha. xD Though Noran's "declaration" kinda came out of nowhere. One scene he's punching her nose and the next he's asking her to be with him? Lol. A little weird but fun nonetheless. :)
I'm curious to know what Noran and the senator will do with a replica of the ship. It's intriguing and a bit confusing too. I also wonder what they had initially planned to do at the station, since whatever it was they never got to put their plan into action since the kids turned up and tried to kidnap the senator.
Overall, interesting introduction of those new characters. I'm also curious about Trunks' side investigation. Good job as always! :D
| CloakSky chapter 6 . 10/2/2016
Excellent chapter! The storyline is visibly picking up, and it's getting better and better! I love that Trunks is doing "detective work", as I've always loved the mystery genre. I'm fairly certain he was so upset about what happened to Armada, and at Armada, because he's starting to care about her and her getting hurt struck a nerve. But obviously he doesn't know it yet LOL! xD I like Murtole too, I feel bad for him that Trunks can't visit him anymore, poor guy. But I'm sure we'll see more of him soon! Right? Lol. Oh! And the scene with Trunks remembering about himself training when he was badly injured was really good too, I loved that his sword triggered it. I hope we'll see Trunks use his sword again in the future! :D Good job as always, Silv! *hearts*
| CloakSky chapter 5 . 10/2/2016
Great chapter! This time you put Trunks out of his comfort zone with the bomb, though it was obvious that he was just going to take off with it lol. The fact that he had a time limit also added to the tension, and that he was alone in this. Very cool mission. Also, nice fun scene at the beginning. I remember you mentioning Trunks getting upset when Armada criticizes his attire, so that was pretty funny. xD The paint fight was a nice touch, it was nice to see them have fun for once. I like how Trunks is always trying to decipher Armada lol. Let's see how this goes! :D