Reviews for Shadowfang
hallescomet97 chapter 4 . 6/23
I'd love to know what happened to sirius in this version. Did he die? did they get pettegrew back to the castle and free him? Do he and snape EVER forgive and become friends?
For.the.LOVE.of.Severus chapter 4 . 12/31/2013
I know it's been years but I hope you finish this
narutonarutolove chapter 4 . 5/22/2011
i like this story alot!
SoulMore chapter 4 . 2/19/2011
FAN!
Sakura Lisel chapter 3 . 6/4/2010
Wait wasn't Severus FRIENDS with the Maruaders this time around? SO why's he being so MEAN to Harry in this universe, instead of treating him like he would the son of one of his friends? *lol*
sjrodgers23 chapter 4 . 6/3/2010
love the story so far. keep updates coming .thank you
Enefet chapter 3 . 9/25/2009
This story fails to make any sense.

First off, please don't include A/Ns in the middle of a story. It interrupts the flow, not to mention the fact that yours are completely mundane. Who gives a shit about a friend we don't know saying they like a candy? Why was the story interrupted for that? Also, some just insult the reader's intelligence. I’m sure the majority of mankind knows that stars can appear before the moon does.

To be completely honest, this story is very flat, rushed, and has a bunch of dialogue filler. That would be cool if the dialogue wasn't so boring. You don’t describe enough, it’s just empty talking that doesn’t lead anywhere.

Also, your page breaks are hideous. There is a button for that; it makes the page being read all that much neater. As it is, it just looks like you had an html fit on the keyboard. Also, since you are apparently adverse to the simpler page breaks, be sure to double space so they don’t run together.

Not to mention the horrendous plot holes. Gaping plot holes from which no light will ever escape.

Chapter 1:

I’m not exactly sure why Snape didn’t know Lily in this. Not that that’s a bad thing, just curious.

You also lay it on too heavy with the hair and eye color. A lot of readers skip this stuff, but it comprises a surprising amount of space here.

Their meeting was not as interesting as it could have been. Pointless talking on the train and a sorting are well-trod ground, and quite pointless. If there were significant reactions to it then it’d be entertaining.

I cannot see Snape EVER asking anyone to call him Sev. Someone close to him calling him that is one thing, him asking them to is another. Especially strangers.

Also, Lucius was a prefect when Severus, Lily, and the marauders were first years. There's not much of a point in putting him here as a first year if you didn't even use him.

Chapter 2:

So it takes two weeks before Sirius knows about Severus' condition? Really?

And Remus has turned Severus into a werewolf. Something that receives an incredible amount of prejudice. Something doomed to horribly painful transformations every month, it's called the shrieking shack for a reason.

Severus takes this absurdly well, and Remus smiles while delivering the news? Not to mention how he doesn't seem all that upset in the first place? His apology doesn't hold water. It's completely unrealistic. Would this be your reaction? No really, think about it. Truly consider how you'd feel about the infection.

How about this, a loved one infects you with the HIV virus. How would you react? Come now. Would you just gloss that over? Or would you be mad, just mad at everyone and everything? Would your feelings and trust not be turbulent? Would you be immune to the terror of others finding out you were infected with this? Think!

I’m insanely interested as to why Snape was kept out of the know on Remus’ illness and the groups animagi forms. He is Remus’ BEST friend right? So what gives? It doesn’t make sense. If anything, glossing it over like that just bares how lazy this truly is.

You could have been a little more original than simply regurgitating the same old scene at the Whomping Willow. Especially when the end result is so retarded in its ineptitude.

Also, Half-Blood Prince was clever. Shadowfang is not.

It is cheesy though.

Chapter 3:

So Severus and Remus are friends. Why have they not kept in contact? Severus can brew the wolfsbane potion but he can't owl any of it to Remus, not to mention the fact that Remus isn't even aware of the potion in the first place. No correspondence, eh?

This line got me:

“Did you hear about Sirius and Peter?” - The f*ck? Where have they been these past 11 years? Why is he asking about Peter? Why are they discussing James and Lily like it happened yesterday? The more I read, the more I’m convinced that you don’t think.

All in all, you need a little method to the madness. The *idea* has potential. The more interesting ideas I’ve come across are always handled so poorly. It’s a shame.
sjrodgers23 chapter 3 . 6/30/2009
loved it please update soon thank you
snapealina chapter 3 . 6/29/2009
It's so weird seeing Severus and Remus as close friends when Remus comes to teach :) The way that Severus welcomed him..aw..

I loved your little comment about Trelawney :)

I felt that the rest of the chapter was almost just a transcript of the movie but with a little twist at the end, but because of that twist I'm curious how the story will turn out next chapter.
snapealina chapter 2 . 6/29/2009
I notice that I feel a little bit angry at the others for keeping Severus out of their little 'club'. I can't believe they didn't include him in the map in the first place, or told him about Remus. Mostly I can't believe that Remus didn't tell him about it when the others found out...

Luckily they decided to include him now :) And I can't believe how well Severus is taking all this!

I'm curious about the rest of this fic :)
snapealina chapter 1 . 6/29/2009
I read this story a while back and put it on alert, and when I reread the first chapter today (since I sort of forgotten what happened) I realized that I hadn't reviewed! (Shame on me)

I really liked the first chapter. Now I just keep thinking how Severus' life at Hogwarts would have been if the scene on the train had actually happened. I liked how you kept Sirius really sceptical :) And of course I liked that he's a bit closer to Remus... :)

Severus is of course a bit OOC in this fic, but who cares? He's a young boy and I like him this way too :)
orphen chica chapter 1 . 3/20/2009
Interesting story, I like it. Are you going to continue?