That was good. The Meyerpires are a bit too indestructible.

I thought about this particular problem long and hard and my solution was to rip off their arms and legs, then, while the body was still trying to crawl back together, chop off their stomachs. Set fire to everything but the head/chest combo, then encase that in concrete up to the bottom of the chin, and keep the souvenir as a trophy.
Maybe I have a creepy imagination.

I am the stocker abuser boyfriend Ben and now you all die slow the end

Yes. Just yes.

LOL I know, if your going to make your characters THAT invincible, at least make htem antagonists. Oh, and, where do they sell Anti-Sparkle Lotion? it's okay, I know a spot in the library where Twi-hards don't enter: THE HARRY POTTER SECTION!:D::D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Frickin' Genius.
Those 2 words pretty much sums this story up.
Go Meyer haters!

I love these things o.O

Anti-Sparkle Cream? GENIUS! Very inspiring.

Imma go keelhaul all the Twilight authors/fangirls now. It's been so long...I've actually had some trouble with them. Thank you; Now I can finally heal the world of this Vampy menace.

-cackles evilly and runs off to the Twilight section wielding a hammer covered in Anti-Sparkle cream and a lighter-

you are comepletely and totally right now wheres my hammer

beautiful, just beautiful. while my twillghtard friend said it was ugly, well screw twillght fans and burn them with a stake through their hearts... i don't want my friend to die so let's just do that to ...step something meyer... nyahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

OHMYGOSH! I was laughing my head off during this whole thing! So hilarious and so true! Every part about it! XD I love when you go through the whole list of normal things and use examples ;) AWESOME! :D

Here's why Meyerpires sparkle:

They're cold, aren't they?

And hard?

So: condensation.

Simple.

OH MY GOSH! My thoughts exactly. Mary-Sues, a whole race of 'em.

This definitely made my day. xD

I actually found out yesterday that Edward Cullen literally sparkles. o.o I thought people just meant that he's so perfect and awesome and whatever, but not, he actually SPRAKLES. That just makes me mad. e_e -hasn't read the book-

This was really hilarious. I mean, just pure The sad part is, apparently it's all true. Are you guys planning to write more? Oh wait, you've written a whole ton of stories. My bad. X'D

-runs off to show this to her Twilight-fan friend-

Now this is how Twilight should be. Thankies!

~CorruptionToday