Reviews for Harry Potter, Apprentice
agnar chapter 1 . 7/20
This was good, but there was a continuity error early on n the fic. When Harry studies the first 2 chapters, before he has his first day with Ollivander, he uses an old notebook to take notes and arrange his thoughts, etc. on the theory book. He then thinks he should've studied all his subjects this way and he needs to go buy some charmed notebooks for each subject, even makes a note of needing to buy them.

Then when he gathers his stuff and goes with Ollivander, suddenly he already HAS 2 or 3 charmed notebooks PER subject under a fidelius charm that he used to study and take notes in the previous year.

Just a bit confusing that he'd think he needed to take notes and needs notebooks to do so, but actually already has multiple notebooks per subject and so on.

The only other bit that felt, off, was the horcrux tracking part. Dumbledore just asking Harry to use a connection which was never really addressed in this fic (no mention of the LV or Nagini dreams) to track them down, and Harry apparently doing so despite only having studied some theory on that side of the mental arts, seemed off.

Interrogating LV's homunculus, or the unspeakables or Bill knowing some way to trace the connections or something would seem more plausible I think, or some addition to explain how Harry managed it without any real training at all or apparently even knowing of that connection before that meeting seems needed. As it is, it just kind of comes out of nowhere.

But outside those 2 bits, this was good, though could be expanded obviously to a longer, multi-chapter. But it had lots of good changes in canon events, a nicely done move to create the stronger, more competent, proactive Harry.

And I found it hilariously ironic that Karkaroff got hit by the Crucio when Harry dodged it. :)
geetac chapter 1 . 1/21
I like the chapter very much.
Osmodious chapter 1 . 12/10/2014
Nice little story...could be expanded to novel-length with some details of some events, but it is quite satisfying at this length, too. Thanks for posting it!
Venus914 chapter 1 . 1/23/2014
At least he didnt marry Hermione. :)
Laura chapter 1 . 8/30/2013
Good story...
Fyreheart chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
Wow, I was on board with what was happening until Sirius was fined for escaping from an illegal imprisonment! He was never convicted of a crime, so he wasn’t a legal prisoner. On top of that, fining Harry and Hermione for helping Sirius escape when he wasn’t a convict? Ridiculous. I lost faith in Madame Bones after that. She’s as bad as the rest of a corrupt Ministry.

I was also pretty disappointed with the "responsible" adults, who saw nothing wrong with asking a teenager to execute Voldemort.
TharzZzDunN chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
My first thought after reading the letter from Dumbledore is that you have no idea what an apprentice is, because the headmaster of a school would have zero room for input. It is a legal contract from one person to another there might be an arbiter if negotiation was requested, otherwise the meddling fool can drop head first into the black lake for all his opinion matters.
The Dursleys couldn't charge him rent anyway without a renters agreement and he would have to be over the age of eighteen.
So of course, the next thing in the story is a contract that violates Harry's rights, nicely played.

He quickly packed the items, and chose to add his notebooks that were under the Fidelius Charm.
I'm sorry, explain this to me why a high energy secrecy spell that buries a secret in someone's soul would be used on notebooks? How would that even work, when both previous uses have been on buildings.

But you can be assured that we will come and get him if we have one inkling that you or a member of your family is abusing him."

Petunia shirked back.

"How will you know?"

"We have ways, Mrs. Dursley," Ollivander said.
I'm so glad that this Harry isn't clever enough to think this through or he might have realized that Dumbledore did nothing to protect him and try to kill the man.

"Lesson one, magic can deceive you.
Wrong on every level, lesson one in every path is to question everything.

Harry nodded and then moved chairs and Ollivander took the chair that Harry vacated while looking at the books on the desk.
"What are those, and why do you have them under a version of the Fidelius Charm?"
Unless that contract included a disclosure clause about the Fidelius in specific Ollivander would be unable to perceive their existence.

I was unable to finish reading as the pattern was a little too close to the "Gringotts Tells Harry He Inherits Everything" plot line.

Sorry that your story makes the snark in me come out so easily.
Rori Potter chapter 1 . 10/24/2011
That was brilliant.
darkplayer35 chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
Great story.
slashslut chapter 1 . 7/10/2010
very enjoyable!
Wolfric chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
I enjoyed the story. I wonder what happened to all of Harry's wealth as no children were mentioned. Thanks for writing. W.
stealacandy chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
Wow. That story doesn't have anything in it I haven't read dozens of times before. While, at times, that might be excused, if the story is good, or captivating, but this is not the case this time. All those cliches are just collected together and narrated in a dry, uninteresting manner, which doesn't encourage reading it much. To make thing worse, there are several deus-ex-machina that carry the story along in pivotal moments for the sole reason of saving you from actually having to think up anything original.

In short, disappointing.
jbfritz chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
Excellent!
ObsessedWithHPFanFic chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
Good story and just goes to show how much a little help can be. Thanks for sharing!
Cassandra30 chapter 1 . 9/29/2009
Superb lovely story! Highly creative!
26 | Page 1 2 Next »