|Reviews for Come Home|
| Little Lotte chapter 9 . 3/11/2009
Please,please do NOT take this as flaming your 't.I have no intention of flaming;in my opinion the only fics that deserve flames are the ones resembling "My Immortal"by Tara Gilesbie (look it up for a laugh)only,NOT done on purpose.
I've been reading your work and it's been eating me,there are some things I wanted to tell 's start with my basic opinion:
You have amazing story ideas-original and award worthy.I myself could never come up with half the plots you ,along the way,something always happens(with a few exceptions)and you waste your good idea adding certain moments that turn/or remind your story of a soap opera-the best examples are Sixteen Candles and The make up this wonderful character,have a pretty sweet story idea and what-she's the GM and nothing interesting happens in the ,I was actually looking forward to her ruling Raw with an iron fist,making some mistakes along the way(like any 19 year old would do,she's still a kid after all),thinking up interesting matches,anything at all!But maybe,judging from the date those stories were posted,your excuse could be you being too young and these being rookie mistakes.
The characters are interesting,only problem is you make them way too attractive to you jump on me for being jealous/ugly,I have to remind you that they can still be beautiful,but with at least one small at all,just so they can be human and easier to relate ntray to what society tends to force on us,the world is not filled with picture perfect people,there are the pretty ones,the average ones,the ugly ones,the plain get it?They need to be realistic looking;sure you can have 1-2 model like characters if you want it so badly,but every single one?Please.
*sigh* The cannon characters are OOC at times.I can't stress that much though,cause let's face it,I don't know these people so for all it could be they might actually act the way you write 's just that...you're 17 and that defends you completely,because you make them sound like teenagers,not 30 something use the word "like" a little too much;try finding interviews and doing some research to make them as close as they actually are(it's not possible for them to be 1:1,like I said,we don't know them).
And last,unrealistic ...unappropriate me use this chapter to make a point:
Lacey sniffled, as tears welled up in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you sad…”
“Oh.” Lacey smiled goofily. “Yayy! I don’t like when you’re sad.”
She can't be crying one second,then having a huge grin in the second;it doesn't work that don't just dissappear-you should've written "she wiped away her tears and a goofy smile appeared on her features"or "she quickly smiled,forgetting how upset she was a second ago",but writing it down like this-come this is the least one and I'm just being picky,the others are more bothersome.
Jeff and his family find out Trish has kept the biggest secret you can keep from Jeff and how exactly do they react?"Oh!How could you do this...*shakes finger*No desert for you tonight,Stratus...now let's go to a rock show."
Amy doesn't have to be upset,but Matt and mr Hardy should be damn well pissed off and furious;as for Jeff...he has the right to sue and take Lacey away from Trish without a single what does he do?Sulk for a halk chapter,then return and start hitting on Trish,acting all calm,maybe a little bit depressed an unapproving-for fuck's sake,girl!He's not a robot.I understand Trish is one of the hottest woman alive,he loves her,but hiding a child's existanse is too much;I'm not saying he shouldn't forgive her,I'm not saying they shouldn't be together,but give the man some you were a man and realise the woman you care for so much made a life-changing choice for you,would you actually consider even looking at her ever again?
And like I said,this is Matt we're talking Moore guy who does EVERYTHING for his little brother-you think that if Jeff doesn't react after this bomb is dropped on him,at least he as a obejctive observer was right with her statement,the other two Hardys should hate her,at least in the first moment;they should've been furious,angry,confused...
Then there's the moment when Jeff takes one look at Lacey and is like "Is she mine?..."how can he make such an assumpion when he hasn't seen Trish in years and she could've very well slept with a thousand men in that period?And scratch that as being paranoid,he doesn't even ask for a DNA test?On that note,how is Trish sure the child is his?
Jeff has legal custody rights,he can press charges any moment he wants to,without harming ,Lacey can't have Hardy as her last name without Trish being married to Jeff or Jeff signing a document in which he recognises her as his daughter.
"Oh God, Jeff groaned. I almost killed my own daughter."
This is overreacting;you make characters calm about serious things,then freak out over spilled should've just mentally cursed his luck for not knowing,but "almost killing my daughter"is a little too much.
Now that I stated what I dislike about your writing,it's only fair to say the things I do plots,like I stated,are original,especially in Love is a Battlefield and At all write strong,respectful characters,coming against real life problems,fighting for their right to be happy and like those actually can give courage to people with similar issues and strike pity in the hearts of the more fortunate ones.
Your writing style has improved,as shown in Love is a vocabulary has become richer and the characters seem more mature;your OC are down to instanse,I like Rachel,she shows a different side to the usual,stereotypical "loose" character,where it is seen that she's the way she is not just for fun and kicks,but as a result of a painful past moment.
I also like your oneshots,you truly are a comedy genius AND you work well with the romance ones jokes are so original,the humor is just right,not too thin,but not going overboard and forcing it down the reader's Anonymous was pure awesome and why you would ever decide to stop writing it is a mystery to me,but that's your choice!
I just made the longest review ever...if it gets posted,I'll be -
Once again,please don't think of this as a flame.I'm being completely honest with everything I say;you have potential and talent and you should use them.I wanted to help you improve your skills(for what even I don't know,but still...maybe you could be a writer someday and you'll need it!I don't know if that's your carreer choice).I know that,contray to what I say,you and your friends will probably drown me in insults and mock,this review will most likely get deleted and my effort would've been pointless,but I wanted to try.I wanted to help,because I respect your work and you,as a human being(I don't know you,but every single good-hearted person deserves respect)and you are free to react in whichever way you like.
I am truly sorry if any of my words offended can be a bit harsh,as a writer you have to manage with it every hey,this is just my opinion,everyone has the right to their own,so you are free to ignore it!
What else...hmm...oh yeah,if for any reason you want to contact me,I'll send you my e-mail.
Now let the insults begin!
Have a great day.
| virgil-t-stone chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
again another great chapter... once again I await the next one anxiously
| Jessi chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
OMFG woman how could u in the end of that... n. love love loved it. can't wait for more...
JEFF KICKS ASS and when paried with Trish step back cos here comes hell.
sorry couldn't resist love ya and the story
| iNdy MiLk chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
that was a great chapter as per usual ]
Jeff is such a drama junkie, nd Lacey is such a dotey thing
I'm looking forward to the next chapter
| Orton-good-kisses chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Jeff shouldn't over exagerate,luckily Lacey was honet about it and didn't eat it.
I think if she gives him a chance, Jeff will grow on her and vice versa.
| AlwaysLove90 chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Poor Jeff! He's trying so hard bless him! I can't decide if not telling Lacey yet is good or not, she seems a clever one and might not be best pleased when it comes out in the end.
I think Matt's getting broody...what will Amy say?
More soon please?
| LilMary chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Haha, I thought she was actually going to eat it and Jeff would freak out and not know what to do. Great chapter! :)
| Adrian Jade chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Aww poor Jeff. Somehow I think that is what Trish forgot to tell him lol. Great update.
| trishjeffhardy chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
aw lacey is soo cute...
its good that lacey knows she's llergic to nuts.. lolz!
cant w8 what will happen next..
more jeff and lacey moments.. and also jeff/trish... :)
| justkimmy chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Wow I loved this chapter. Really can't wait for more!
| Rita chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
Loved it please continue
| mod.sun chapter 9 . 3/10/2009
That was so cute.
Jeff kissed Trish! Thats good.
Cant wait for next update.
| virgil-t-stone chapter 8 . 3/9/2009
This so cool I love it and can't wait for the next chapter
| deeeeeeactivated chapter 8 . 3/8/2009
Sorry I'm so late on reviewing!
I loved the last two chapters, by the way. :)
Lacey is so precious. So so precious. Aw, she shouldn't feel
like nobody likes her! I like her! :p
Trish and Jeff just need to go on and hook upp. They love eachother. Hehe.
Update soon, Tiff! I'll try to review earlier next time. I promise.
| Jessi chapter 8 . 3/6/2009
OMG SO sorry i didn't read the review the last chapter i jkust read them back to back and OMG i love the end of this chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter. That ending was juist wow... BUT FYI I HATE CLIFFY's like that. *glares*
UPDATE UPDATE SOON PLZ PLZ PLZ!