|Reviews for The End of The Prophecy|
| sassyrox chapter 1 . 2/3/2010
Excellent job! I believe all of the technical points have already been made by those before me, so my comments are based on the storyline. But I really enjoyed it - I can't wait to read some more. I'm anxious to see where your imagination takes us with our favorite characters.
| Gemini Explorer chapter 1 . 8/26/2009
As another reviewer noted, you need to sort out who's saying what. Indent as each speaker speaks. It lets readers keep track.
Learn the differences between vial (a lab beaker or special bottle) and "vile" (noxious or disgusting). Also, pale and pail. The words sound the same, but are very different. Pale is a shallow color; pail is a bucket.
I kept looking for Finn, one of my favorite characters. I admit to having a crush on her. I like her so much that all the episodes without her seem incomplete...Well, you finally mentioned that she'd gone back to the 21st Century. That was one of the possible plot twists discussed by the show's writers. I'd have missed her so much that I'm glad that the 4th Season never happened., They were going to go off too much like Star Trek, anyway. In my own Fics (not on this board), I kept her around and ignored the 4th Season. In fact, most of my stories revolve around her and Challenger, although all of the Treehouse crew is well represented.
Your having Marguerite name her daughter after Finn was a nice touch. If you had to write her out of the story, you at least did it in a nice way. Thanks.
| Missing Linka chapter 1 . 2/13/2009
The story was really interesting, but I think there's more to come ...
God bless you!
| Bingo32 chapter 1 . 2/11/2009
I like your take on Marguerite in this line:
“Not too bad, I suppose.” This was quite an admission from the woman. For though she complained incessantly, she never liked to show pain...
The woman sure does complain. But she hides all her own pain.
Two things made your story hard for me to follow; both caused confusion as to who was performing the action or speaking.
- First: The pronouns. He, she, her, him… too many times in one sentence (or paragraph), I lost track of who the pronoun was referring to.
- Second: You have an action of one character in the sentence with another character’s dialogue. The natural assumption is that the person performing the action and the person speaking are the same.
“How about a game of cards now eh, Roxton?”
“Huh?” Ned dragged the poor fellow to the table and dealt out the cards.
“Veronica? How’s she doing?” There was a gentle knock on the door and the scientist entered. “Here’s the potion.” Veronica thanked him.
As to the story itself, I enjoyed hearing a new tale from the plateau. Your characterizations ring true, like hearing the voices of my old friends.
Thank you for bringing them to life.