Reviews for The Cracking Dawn
Taeniaea chapter 18 . 9/28/2010
good story
Darth Ebon chapter 1 . 5/15/2009
Hey, I like that name, Umbra Styx. I actually had several Sith names for Dark!Luke a while back, including Darth Zoon, Darth Phlegethon, Darth Cain, and Darth Quisling. Darth Cain seemed to work the best.
JohnPeacekeeper chapter 2 . 3/12/2009
I expected this would happen to her, given her nature.

But even Dark Jedi shouldn't give up their lightsabers
TheMacUnleashed chapter 12 . 3/8/2009
Good job. Some grammar mistakes made this harder to read, but other than that, it was interedting.
Shinen no Hikari chapter 9 . 3/2/2009
there's a large plot flaw. you see captain rex was the 501st legion's commanding officer and the 501st was the battalion of troops sent with Anakin to seize the temple so how was Rex with Ahsoka and not leading his troops like he was supposed to. also the 501st became Vader's fist so how could they do that without a leader.
TheMacUnleashed chapter 11 . 2/26/2009
Good job; Zaar is an interesting OC. The only thinkg that I'm wondering is why you underlined the entire chapter. That made it kind if hard to read.
TurtleFeathers chapter 10 . 2/21/2009
Poor Ahsoka, what lies in her shell? A seed to be revived once more? Or was that, too, stomped out: now fading like the embers of a fire. Luke may deside the fate of the galaxy, but only Ahsoka can control her own. What will she do now, I wonder?
TheMacUnleashed chapter 10 . 2/21/2009
Good chapter; good writing. However, it was a bit hard to read, as it was entirely underlined.
TheMacUnleashed chapter 9 . 2/21/2009
Good chapter. A few typos, but still rather good.
TheMacUnleashed chapter 8 . 2/19/2009
Good job! There were a few grammar mistakes, but other than that, it was very well-written.
TurtleFeathers chapter 8 . 2/18/2009
And thus it is revealed.
Paul Cousins chapter 7 . 2/18/2009
Hello drsdino,

I will be honest with you. What you have typed out here is a good overview of a well plotted story.

This overview has the makings of a great story, if you flesh it out into a full length story.

Right now, you are only showing Ahsoka point of view in a broad form. You need to be more detailed and add dialog scenes and actions scenes.

Other than that, you got talent, you just to need to work on fleshing out your story.


Paul Cousins
TheMacUnleashed chapter 7 . 2/18/2009
Good job. I did notice some grammar mistakes in the past two chapters, though. Your plot and overall writing was good, but the typos could be distracting.
jedigal125 chapter 7 . 2/17/2009
i wonder what will happen next?
jedigal125 chapter 6 . 2/17/2009
good chapter, poor Ahsoka
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