|Reviews for The Right to Live|
| coyote86401 chapter 5 . 6/13/2009
Very interesting story. Glad I found it and read it. Thank you for writting it. :)
| mimichan88 chapter 5 . 6/13/2009
i liked it .I feel so sad for Naruto completely wait for next chapter
| Transient Fossil chapter 4 . 6/12/2009
fantastic idea! wonderfully written too! but . . . is Naruto going to receive clothes anytime soon or is she going to continue to wear Cat's cloak like a robe? anyways, can't wait for the next installment!
| I am Driven chapter 4 . 6/12/2009
Brilliant! Heart-achingly, wonderfully brilliant...
| Midnightfairie57 chapter 4 . 6/11/2009
love it so much
| Leaprechaun1 chapter 4 . 6/10/2009
Seems like a good chapter to me, please update soon.
| MoonPrincess623 chapter 4 . 6/10/2009
I love this! I just have two questions.
1) Will Naruto be trained as a ninja? Before or during the Academy?
2) Will Naruto be paired with someone? I can only think of three who would be able to care for her, two may be undestand her pain. Gaara the most, Sasuke for the lonilness, and Shika because he is just careful.
I love your story, you are an incredible author. This story is truly amazing, a bit sad to think of what has happened to her, but awesome! I cannot wait for the next chapter!
| Midday Aria chapter 4 . 6/10/2009
Great story! I'm looking forward to reading future chapters!
| Aikori Shukrai chapter 4 . 6/9/2009
This story is highly interesting. I look forward to reading more of it.
| RakeeshJ4 chapter 2 . 5/15/2009
One thing that is slightly problematic: if Naruto can see the other children, doesn't that mean at least some of them would be able to see her as well?
It's not a big loose end or anything, but if one kid could see Naruto, then it stands to reason more than one kid could. Many kids, even. Now, certainly She would put a serious veil of fear and silence over the matter...
But, well, we're talking years and years here. That's dozens or even scores of little kids knowing there's something no one is supposed to talk about crammed into the walls, watching them. Well, perhaps not so many...but Her efforts to keep Naruto's status secret face problems considering gabby kids might also know.
My constructive (hopefully) idea to deal with this (in my opinion) loose end would be to have that dealt with in whatever investigation Sarutobi holds into the matter. Like, for example, the hole in the wall was well hidden, maybe in shadow or something. Or maybe She spread other stories, like kids who talk about it won't get adopted, or something.
Some unnecessary commas here and there, but nothing major.
Naruto's apparently inherent optimism and cheerfulness (nice of the breeze to help everyone out) is touching:)
Ants are fascinating even to children who *aren't* being horribly abused by solitary confinement. So that little peek on her life was also amusing, and touching:)
I like the allusions to Naruto's apprently enhanced senses, or at least hearing. Being able to hear *ants* moving? And Sarutobi's or Cat's footsteps? I wonder if that's something special, or just a product of incredible isolation-her ears must get more work than her eyes, I suspect. And she has to pay more attention to her senses than a well-adjusted kid-no other input, after all.
Naruto's first look at Sarutobi is quite well done. Though since Naruto apparently has little knowledge of gender, how would she know Sarutobi is a man, or what a goatee is;)? Is that an error on your part, or just a product of recollection?
It's strange that Naruto would be such a clever observer of human expressions. She's only had one subject, ever, to work that particular skill on-Her. And hardly a wide array of expressions to study, either.
The fearful reaction to Sarutobi and Cat, though I'm only guessing, seems very fitting.
Boy, She must definitely be mad to express such fury even when caught by Sarutobi like this.
Two more implausibilities: one, that Sarutobi would permit himself to go without direct reports of Naruto for so long. That's a bit of a stretch, partially - IMO - explained by the tracker, and by his incredibly busy status, I imagine. Still, for someone as important as Naruto (aside from emotional and moral concerns), it seems unlikely Sarutobi would be so lax-I think that could use some explaining, as I may've said in my last review.
The other implausibility is this: I'm no physician, but I think severe malnutrition (to the point of torture) wreaks all sorts of havoc on the body, havoc that a tracker that detects 'serious injury' might be expected to detect also. That can be handwaved away, but it's just a thought.
The little note of protocol about Hokages going out was interesting. I like how it shows you've given thought to politics and strategy in your (so far) emotionally-based story.
The description by Cat of Naruto is suitably tragic and infuriating. It conveys all the appropriately horrible imagery.
Cat's detachment is also interesting. She is an ANBU, after all. I like how she doesn't instantly and emotionally go totally onto Naruto's side-that happens a lot in the 'Naruto was abused' stories. She's seen awful things, after all, and probably done pretty awful things to. One abused child wouldn't be enough to make an ANBU, I would think, break professionalism.
Nice touch alluding to Naruto's intelligence just by her roving eyes.
Whew! Man, this is getting awfully rambly-sorry about that.
I think I'll stop there, in order not to abuse your reviews page, heh.
| clockworkchaos chapter 4 . 5/15/2009
Wow... this is good, this is really good. I mean I've read abused Naruto stories before, and this one doesn't make me want to bang my head against the wall.
I really, really like that you don't make the abuse cheap. A lot of writers have Naruto horribly abused in the past just to make him (or her) more sympathetic, but don't actually show anything. Another subset just uses it as an excuse to have a dark! Naruto.
I also like that the abuse is portrayed realistically. A lot of author's fall back of overly dramatic stories of broken bones every night, with only the Kyubbi keeping Naruto alive. Your's does a good job showing how damaging it can be without overt physical action.
Finally I really like that third isn't a complete idiot, like he's portrayed in many of these stories. I've always found the idea of rioting civilians chasing Naruto every night stupid. He's a freaking military dictator, the word "mass executions" springs to mind.
| Bjorn chapter 4 . 5/15/2009
Oh, absolutely delightful. Certainly not what I was expecting.
First person present works so well for this story. It gives the reader a sense that they're truly there, along for the ride.
The characters are real. Even the spiteful matron has her reasons for being who she is, and though on the outside they're the stock ones you might see in any other story, you manage to make them seem new again. Sarutobi's regret is almost palpable, as is his joy at seeing Naruto slowly break out of her shell. To say nothing of Naruto herself. Her flat practicality and borderline cynicism somehow mesh so well with her childlike sense of wonder.
I don't review often, but this one was so refreshing I just had to log in. If more chapters are on the way, you can bet I'll be reading them.
| The Unicorn chapter 4 . 5/14/2009
Very nice story, quite believable abuse sequence although I found the Hokage a bit too willing to believe everything was fine. I really like how you've written Naruto.
Two things however bug me. First you have Naruto know things I can't imagine how she'd know such as what an army looks like, or what a painting is for that matter. Second you seem to have skipped over the part where Naruto is given proper clothes (no, cat's cloak doesn't count, although it was a great scene) since you don't have anyone reacting to seeing a naked (or nearly naked if she's wrapped up in Cat's cloak) running around.
| BDude0000 chapter 4 . 5/14/2009
This story is amazing. The depth and feelings you give to the character truely make them come alive. and to listen to the thoughts of those involved makes your characters seem alive. i cant wait for you to show the thoughts and feelings of Aya and Shigeru. Please keep up the amazing work
| RakeeshJ4 chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
Well, if reader feedback is worth anything, allow me to chime in that if this is a sample, you're definitely not horrible:)
I'm afraid I don't have much constructive to offer about this chapter. Grammar, spelling, flow, all are good. Fortunately (very fortunately) I have no real experience in dealing with this sort of abuse, so I lack a framework to respond to its portrayal knowledgeably. However, it rings true and plausible, if that means anything.
I heard this was a fem-Naruto story, but it's amusing (and appropriate) that in the beginning, I have no way of knowing.
Also very appropriate - though extremely sad, of course - that Naruto arrives at this 'crying doesn't solve anything' philosophy of hers. Surely the truth of that lesson is even *MORE* apparent given her upbringing!
It's also appropriate that I deeply hate Her, in spite of the genuine pity I feel for her (she's gotta be nucking futs over her daughter to over such a long period subject Naruto to this). That's a tricky, tricky needle to thread in my experience-feeling not one but two deep feelings for a character, and often mutually exclusive feelings no less.
Anyway, the worst thing I can think of about your first offering is that maybe you WILL be a procrastinator. That'd be awful!:)
Thanks much for sharing.