|Reviews for Koudoukou: Fool's Gold|
| modjodjodjo90 chapter 10 . 5/10
I am loving your take on the Naruto universe and how it works so far. I hope you choose to continue this eventually. Or give us more in another story. Please!
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/7/2016
This chap was fuckin hilarious and awesome
| master1527 chapter 11 . 10/21/2015
yep good story please continue
| Whynot chapter 11 . 8/1/2015
Alright, I know this fic is dead, but I just want to say this is one of the best Naruto fics I've ever read and it has without doubt the most coherently put together Chackra theory I've ever seen. So, congratulations... I'll keep an eye out if you ever update this.
| Winter's Folly - Summer's Vice chapter 11 . 7/21/2015
Hopefully your not dead.
| Winter's Folly - Summer's Vice chapter 10 . 7/21/2015
This is epic.
| Winter's Folly - Summer's Vice chapter 4 . 7/20/2015
Fantastic. I love how you made the basics kill. [pun]
| Winter's Folly - Summer's Vice chapter 1 . 7/20/2015
| conan.lagace chapter 11 . 6/26/2015
The pun at the end was terrible, but I love the story and wish you would finish it.
| RyuukTheHatter chapter 11 . 6/8/2015
your story is good, and the plot twists are interesting. some parts completely lost me but the concept is very good.
| RyuukTheHatter chapter 3 . 6/7/2015
dattebayo believe it. its what naruto says all the time like his mother kushina used dattebane believe me. and arashi was a typo its officially minato(his trading car says so), just the little things you pick up from comparing the manga sub and dub episodes. sorry if this sounds rude. but i think i am going to end up saying it a lot you people... aside from that my friends get really nasty when people make the mistakes, and then i have to hear it so now its kinda a reflex for me. your writing other wise is very well done and i am going to continue reading.
| juubi shinobi chapter 1 . 5/25/2015
I thought this was pretty funny I acidentaly replace blows with brows so I thought gai said why are u using chakra to enchants ur brows
| Joebob the Fifth chapter 4 . 5/14/2015
Be careful what you ask for if you want a real edit. If I choose to focus on the writing rather than the story, I can give you a hardline edit. For now though, there's just a few things I've noticed. You repeat yourself, not as bad as some, but it's noticeable. You reuse the exact same phrasing or repeat an event without adding new information, specifically the drinking scenes and a few comments associated with those. I like the scenes, but they still need new content, especially when you have different characters use the same words. As readers, the best way to mentally define a character is their speech. If different people all talk the same way, you have a mass of faceless zombies rather than characters. A good rule of thumb is don't include anything that doesn't forward the plot or character development in some way. Second, I rather dislike your method of providing translations. It takes me right out of the story every time. Resolutions to this drawing attention to the writing and away from the story include: pick one language and stick with it. If you want Naruto to say jiji, then do it, don't explain it. If you're worried your readers won't understand, either stick with english or explain the word in context. For instance, Naruto said, "I miss Jiji." For the life of her, Sakura never understood how Naruto got away with calling the Hokage an old man. Last, and most important, you explain too much. If you skim through your writing, you'll notice large passages explaining facets of the story which Naruto will easy boil into one or two sentences. Do so. This method of widening the world is fine if it's pertinant, but if it's just filler, you're only distracting your readers from the plot. For example, the bit about country development in this chapter was long winded, roundabout, and repetitive. It is pertinant, though, because it explains the Wave situation. So just get rid of the roundabout and repetitive parts, and it'll be fine. The bit about sealing mechanics, however, seems to serve no purpose. The fuse box comment was all that was really needed and another showing him struggle, much as you show him improve with each Kakashi training-beating. Those are excellent by the way. There's the end of the critique. I hope it's helpful and wish you luck with publishers. You may want to look up the book, 'How Not to Write a Novel,' I might be off on the title. It's cute, an easy read, and absolutely essential to knowing why editors turn you down, as opposed to every other how to write/publish a book-book ever. Again, good luck getting published.
| GeneralChaos9 chapter 2 . 2/27/2015
And with this chapter the story moved from the "possible Gary Stu" bin to the "Awesome Marty Stu" bin. I love stories like this!
| Publicola chapter 10 . 10/15/2014
And now you've undercut Hinata's character as well. Yes, I get that you were trying to 'keep things real,' but did you have to take out Hinata as collateral damage? Yes, she lacks confidence, but as far as I can tell she's the one character in canon to dedicate herself seriously to fixing the issues that hold her back: she lacks any natural confidence holds Naruto as a model for herself to grow in self-assurance; she lacks any native sort of genius like Nejj or any mentor to train her like Lee, but works consistently to make up for it, tailoring a tradition-bound Juuken to her own chakra nature and strengths, and inventing multiple jutsu for her own use. There's a reason her character is a fan favorite, and only part of it has to do with the fact that she's just plain adorable.
...Sorry. I really don't care that much; it's just that the Naruto-verse is so unrelentingly grimdark (at least in the eyes of an adult observer) that it can be frustrating to read a fic that takes aim at one of the few silver linings in the story's world. It's kinda like reading a Harry Potter fic that goes out of its way to bash Hermione. It's not that I'm deeply personally invested in this character; it's just... why would you do that?! Especially when there are easier and far more justifiable targets nearby.