|Reviews for Shouldn't have said that REVISED AND DOUBLE SPACED|
| Luna Goddess of the Night chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
lol, wow. you should do a sequel!
| ronsbabiesmomma chapter 1 . 2/20/2009
please tell me you're going to add more or have a sequel
| Lola-Leexx chapter 1 . 2/15/2009
You need to start a different line every time someone speaks. Those first two, well I wouldn't really call them paragraphs, more like chunks of text, are really hard to read. Try to space them out.
The last bits are good. Just do the same for the first bits as they are the first thing the reader sees, and it's very off putting to have the text bocked toghether like that.
You'll attract more readers that way.
I would also type out the summary again, it's not very long!