|Reviews for Spin Theory|
| RJ Frazer chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
The VP/Vice-President comment was a neat little in-joke alluding to the old scanlation translation problems, and one that helpfully isn't obscure to those who aren't clued in to it (as they can just take the remark at face value). That's a strong element of the story
The text was a bit ponderous to trudge through, though - too much of "I did this... then I did that...". Triela may be working through her day methodically, but that doesn't mean that the text itself has to read like a list.
A couple of sections could have done with a little more explanation - for instance, when she's getting her breakfast you could add "As I have a physical examination later today, I need to eat light..." to make the meaning more explicit. That's only a small thing, though.
I also think that you really didn't take as much advantage of the concept of swapping around Claes and Triela that you could have done. While the final scene is a surprising twist, but it comes out of nowhere, which makes it feel a little contrived. Including a few allusions to the changed situation as the narrative progressed would appear more consistent and be more satisfying for the reader. Say that the story begins as normal - we recognise the breakfast scene, and it's all very familiar and safe, but when she dreams in the book room rather than thinking about fishing something provokes a memory of Maria and she's watching a soccer game in her dream instead, and feeling strange and discomfited that she's not experiencing the same excitement as the rest of the crowd in the stadium. When she's watching the film, it's not "A River Runs Through It" but "Ice Cold in Alex" or something to do with North Africa (I'm not a film buff so I'll leave that to you), which provokes contemplation of her Tunisian childhhood.
So, the story will have began formulaically and predictably but these changes in detail will have puzzled readers who are expecting you just to be writing out a simple episode synopsis in the first person. They will thus be actively wondering about what changes you've made, and will both follow the story to the end be in a position to consider and better appreciate the final reveal.
| ubergrif500 chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
Excellent telling of the events from the GSG manga chapter Tiny Joy, Tearless Grief. I did just want to add, however, that the movie Claes was watching did not depict scenes of Italy, but was actually A River Runs Through It (according to the translator's notes at the end of manga volume 4. Other than that, great job. I have enjoyed your other works as well.