|Reviews for Jeanne D'Arc|
| Alpha Centarus chapter 10 . 10/11/2010
I love this. Please keep it come'in!
| Danny Barefoot chapter 10 . 10/9/2010
Very interesting and detailed; Isley is exceptionally cool as well. Joan/Jeanne probably wasn't too up on tactics (unless you read Mark Twain's Joan of Arc, who's a bit of a Mary Sue); she was mainly such a psycological threat some fortresses surrendered before she even attacked them. Looking forward to next chapter.
| shelter chapter 10 . 6/1/2009
Looks much better than when I first saw it.
As said before, I'm not sure if Miria & Tabitha's inclusion into the story will help things, especially since the focus of these few chapters has been the attack on Orleans. At most, their presence is a bit distracting to the reader. So it might be best to include them only after the battle is over.
| steamrick chapter 10 . 5/26/2009
How come the Duke of Alençon calls Isley by his real name? I thought he was known as Jean d'Aulon...
| steamrick chapter 9 . 5/14/2009
I really enjoy this story.
You're a fantastic writer.
Don't worry about taking long. We'll survive the wait. After all, this is supposed to be enjoyable for you.
| shelter chapter 8 . 4/10/2009
Short chapter, although the action within it is actually quite significant. It would've been wiser either to embed this incident of Jeanne defeating Claude in a bigger setting, or to expand the duel (which is difficult because it's so fast).
The swearing seems a bit out of place since the setting is, what, 12th century France?
Jeanne's battle with Claude is right to the point: rapid, descriptive, although a bit too many phrases in each sentence.
And yes, I can beta. Currently busy, but will be free after 1st week of May.
| shelter chapter 7 . 3/27/2009
Apologies for not reviewing earlier.
I must say that I'm a bit confused. From Chapter 4 onwards the story seems to have taken a self-obsessed turn. In Chapter 4, I didn't understand why Jeanne was battling against the French until you're footnote at the end of the chapter. And, as is the case for most of your chapters, the last footnote explains much more than the whole chapter's content sometimes.
All these short snippets of crucial info that you've told us in the footnotes. Why not integrate them into your chapters? Don't tell us that Isley is posing as the Dauphin, SHOW it to us. SHOW to us through Jeanne's surprise, Isley's cunning & the interplay of either flashback or dialogue.
Secondly: I can see why Useful Oxymoron's stories are so much of an inspiration here. The Jeanne/ Isley pairing is quite obvious, but I think you lack the essential chemistry that comes along with the romance. Isley is obviously the one making the moves, but you don't need to keep repeating his feelings. Emphasize on his actions, attitudes or change in them (if any). Also, Jeanne's motives up to now remain a bit unclear - & the part about the longbow & the Eastern connection felt a bit out of place.
Great work on your detail on settings. Just keep in mind to put everything in past tense. Change your "is" to "was" or "were" whenever appropriate.
There's a very telling scene in Chapter 6 when Isley & Jeanne exchange some personal thoughts on their positions in the world & with him as the king. That's the potential of detail & characterization: a personal scene where most of the important info is shown through their different reactions.
As said before. You update, I'll review. Hope that encourages you.
| X-elemental chapter 7 . 3/24/2009
Well, it was mildly interesting (idea).
However, human soldiers VS single-digit Claymore isn't really that much of a battle.
| Quiet Abyss chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
DFGAOPEI TU;ALSKFJ ALDFJ;ALKD FAI!
| samurai89 chapter 4 . 2/26/2009
Great chapter! The French were conservative about their forces, you can tell, they lost most of their battles. Also, i don't think "shelling" is the proper wording for firing cannons since artillery shells really didn't exist at that time. I have no idea about the formation of medival armies though, i thought they were just commanded by royalty and sometimes experienced veterans.
| samurai89 chapter 3 . 2/24/2009
This is a good improvement from last time, it's not so rushed anymore! Keep going!
| shelter chapter 2 . 2/20/2009
The idea is there. The play on Jean's name & the implication of her as Joan of Arc is very good story. It's what made me stop to read.
But I felt your story is being let down by your grammar. You can't seem to decide whether to keep the story in present/ past tense, & you're using a mishmash of both. Please keep everything in past tense. Also, you might want to slow down the story - because things are going very fast.
My suggestion is to increase detail: you've hardly described the environment Jean is in beyond your illustration of the timeline & the French localities. Why not add in landscape, scenery, people, emotions? It'll help to strengthen the content of your story.
Will continue reading. Hope to see the plot thicken :)
| samurai89 chapter 2 . 2/19/2009
Great chapter, though i felt it was a bit fast paced. Also, if you are going to introduce other Claymore members you can say they are "Soldiers of Saints" or "The Heavenly Swords", people back in those days were really religious and it does kinda tie in to Jeans Saints visions.
| samurai89 chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
This looks cool, are you going to follow the original Jean D'Arc story or do something else?