Reviews for Please, Master, May I kill her?
Seifus chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
When Alucard has arrived in the middle east, he probably will be joined by Spike, Blade, and, somehow, D and Abel Nightroad as they begin their search for Bin Laden in order to "re-educate" *cough* kill *cough* Stephenie Meyer.

I loved this story, when I tried to read Twilight I nearly fell asleep after 20 pages. This is coming from a guy who has read the Lord of the Rings trilogy end to end.

I have not seen Nosferatu, but I have seen Dracula: Dead and Loving It, and while it is not as good as Brooks' other works like Young Frankenstein, it was entertaining, to me at least.

Keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to read more of your stories.
ThroughtheShadows chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
Yes! Do it Alucard! It IS the perfect trade! We get rid of that stupid terrorist that we've been gun-ho about, AND rid the world of the one responsible for making half of the world's teenage population believe that vampires are bloodsucking, fairies. Problems solved. I wonder if he would go so far as to anonamously post it on YouTube when he finally caught her...? LOL.

Anyway, I love your crack Hellsing stuff, especially when it comes to bashing Twilight and its nerds. I'm hoping to write one soon myself. Keep up the good work and keep the laughs coming.
blacksand1 chapter 1 . 2/18/2009

Alucard: I've got Bin Laden~! NOW GIMME THE BITCH! 8DD

America: Sure. *takes Bin Laden and gives Alucard Meyer*

Alucard: LOL *kills Meyer in a horrible, painful way* Now to the fangirls XD

LOL, I loved this. I HATE Twilight, and I loved this~ XD
Felix Falora chapter 1 . 2/18/2009

Jennifer: You read all the books too, y'know.

My intelligence has decreased from reading that series, but my friends wouldn't take the noose from my neck 'til I did T_T

Jennifer: 0.o Yes... We love it. She must die.
Crow T R0bot chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
Read this last night, and despite the fact that I normally disapprove of bashing books and other series, Twilight is one of those bits of media I'll make an exception for. It's still Shakespeare compared to...*shudders* Battlefield Earth though (awaits for Scientology lawyers to sue the pants off me for being a "Suppressive Person").

Wow, it figures Alucard would get into a kerfuffle over Twilight, but I didn't expect him to go on an extended rant on misrepresentation of vampirism in general. I had heard about how sunlight and other things were myths, though sadly I haven't seen "Nosferatu" or "Dracula, Dead and Loving It" and can't comment on it (same deal with the Invisible Man. I had to use wikipedia to find out what "The Agency" was, as the only other organization I know of called "The Agency" was the one from the Syphon Filter games).

While I have no problem with flexible rules about vampires, I'll have to agree with many that sparkling in sunlight is *out of the question.*

Alucard looking for Bin Laden just so he "correct" SMeyer on the subject of what a vampire is? How *dare* you, America would never give up one of its own for that...

...Add Mullah Omar, Ayman Al-Zawahiri, Raul Castro, Hugo Chavez, Muqtada Al-Sadr, the entire Saudi government, and Ayatollah Khameinei...*then* we'll give you SMeyer. We'll even throw in Anne Rice and Christopher Paolini if you hand over Kim Jong-Il and Joseph Kony. I know that last one isn't a vampire writer, but we want to be rid of him too.

Overall, excellent job. :P
xxyangxx2006 chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
This was funny. It was definately something that needed to be done. Not that I want Stephanie Myer dead or anything like that. I want her to live in peace while not writing anymore shiny vampire stories. I've read them and they are o.k but full of errors. And you're right. How can an undead man get a living female pregnant? Obsurd. O.k I'm rambling. Sorry for you having to read all of this but it is good and I wish you the best.
ImHappyPlz chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
This fic is so made of epic win. XD So many common thoughts about twilight, the sparkling, the fairys, and the vegietarian(vegans) part. This happly made my day.
quickyfant chapter 1 . 2/18/2009

You can make a bad day so much better! Thanks! This was so funny! I am not trying to push you into anything, but a second chapter of Alucard terrorizing the Middle East looking for Bin Laden! This was really so funny, They STILL sparkle! :) And Integra taking pity on him...but sensing she will regret it! And “What if I kill him first?”, LOL! But if I have to keep on saying what I liked the most, I would have to copy paste the whole thing!

And this is you not putting time into a story, WOW! Thanks really a lot, made me happy today!
Master of the Boot chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
I have to say that I am a Twilight fan, but this whole thing was pretty entertaining. I like it that you don't take Twilight too seriously, regarding it as some great blasphemy.

Alucard did have a lot of funny lines, the references to Nosferatu and Dead and loving it really worked out in your favor.

I'm not familiar with the agency but the talk of invisible nukes and invisibility glands was really funny. "I'll eat him first." Alucard is so thick in this but he's very funny.

Alucard tearing around the middle east. I don't think that Integra realizes what she's done.

And before I go I want to say that Hellsing is the most magnificent manga ever written.


Master of teh Boot
Alastor Vega chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
That was funny. But its weird, I actual like an artist who loves The Twilight series. And I actually read a Hellsing/Twilight crossover fic before. But you really dont like the Twilight series do you. But its alright but why dont you like it other then portraying them as weaklings?. But how can a vampire get someone pregnant? The only time I saw vampires pregnant was from Angel but that ended tragic And they are afraid of an immortal child? Are they not immortal themselves? And The Agency, thats from The Invisible Man series? But what medias do you think portray vampires with the respect they deserved. Funny fic. The Bin Laden think too me surprise. But the would be funny to see how he would react to seeing Alucard. And since Alucard hated the Twilight series he would die all over if he caught Seras reading it. LOL
Matoska chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
This is just too good. Your humour is too much - I love it. Not being at all familiar with Twilight, I take it the vampires in it somehow sparkle? How off the wall and not good is that if they do - yuck! Thanks for writing I for one thoroughly enjoy it!
Sammich Man chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
Quite funny... Quite funny... XD

You certainly did do your homework. Nosferatu was the first vampire story that actually dealt with vampires dying via sunlight. I think Anne Rice gave something else to vampires too, most likely the romanticism for vampires. Though out stories the rules of vampires have been slightly changed, they all have their own versions. Though I think when vampires sparkle, that's when a line must be drawn. No sparkly vamps! Evar!

The story itself is an interesting take from what you normally do, as in less action, this time focusing on dialogue. And you still did a good job! Sometimes I imagine some of the instances from the manga with the skull background whenever something somewhat funny but more of the morbid happens. XD
Azure Zangetsu chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
Wait, you're sorry? But this was hilarious! Stephenie Meyers for Osama Bin Laden, trade of the century! Trade of the Millennium! Speaking of Millennium, Hans and Alucard should get together and make a joint search. I'm sure our Millennium werewolf is rather displeased with the portrayal of his race as well, though not as badly as Alucard. Even so, this was funny, plain and simple. Nice.

Especially Entertained - Azure Zangetsu
Yoruichi the AlmosT HumaN chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
I might as just die out of laughing at this point xD xD xD this is a killer xD bwahahahahaha! I love your stories,I've been reading them for some time now..."Integras Shool Daze" is awesome but this one just cracked me xD! :D

Keep up the awesome work! :D

Rakero-chan chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
The best thing ever. HAve you considered posting this on deviantart?

They have 4-5 anti-twilight gourps there that would appreciate the contribution to the site..
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