|Reviews for Clandestine Valentine|
| P.T. Piranha chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
Yeah, this was done pretty well.
The canon issue would normally bug me, but you at least tried to justify your reasoning, and everyone was pretty much perfectly in character, so everything works out.
| lazyguy90 chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
Haha, this is hilarious.
| banges chapter 1 . 12/23/2012
oh man. this is pretty much gold. the way you wrote this was just really... awesome to read. and the Souji/Yukiko... goddamn. you wrote them so well. faved!
| Mage of Hope chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
LOL! LOVE THIS STORY!
| Lone Wulffe chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
I was alternating between laughing my head off and going d'aww. But mostly laughing my head off.
| The Genius Mage chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
People didn't get the lipstick? Why so? I got it. XD
Anyway, uh, I love this story to bits. Hehe. It's hilariously awesome, and very in-character. I smiled to myself a few times. Awesome work.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
It really didn't surprise Yukiko that his Persona had appeared without a Shadow; nothing seemed to faze him.
[Or a darker interpretation: he never confronted the darkness within himself, and hence some of that conflict went on to strengthen each and every shadow they faced]
warning bell ringed
Her best friend snorted. "Seriously? That's your excuse? Oh, Yukiko…" Shaking her head, Chie patted Yukiko's head fondly.
[This is so close to exactly what I envisioned Chie doing in an event like this it’s scary]
I see what you're doing! You want to know if you have a chance with Souji, huh? Man, you aim high."
"But then again, I talk to you guys a lot, and I'm sure as hell not dating Chie."
"Ooh, did I come in time for a lover's spat?" Rise skipped over to her seat and giggled at the flustered three.
[I’d say “she’s in a different class, being a year below”, but since you already acknowledged that you’re shuffling things to give a different yet related story and things have been portrayed excellently so far]
Plus, that guy only talks when he absolutely has to
[I don’t know if that’s a cheap way of referencing the “silent protagonist” (which was broken earlier in this story) or hilarious for almost those exact reasons]
"Yosuke feels close to Senpai?" Rise gasped. "Well, I must warn you, Yosuke-senpai—I have ample feminine charms to combat you with. I shall not lose Senpai without a fight!"
Chie coughed. "Actually, I meant Yukiko and Souji are close."
"Oh. Well, then." She whirled on Yukiko instead. "Then I must warn you, Yukiko-senpai—I have ample feminine charms to combat you with. I shall not lose Senpai without a—!"
[This is brilliantly funny. The fact that it’s not taking itself too seriously (unlike most pairing-fics) makes it even better]
Chie crowed, standing up. She danced from left to right, singing, "Steak's on Yoooosuke, steak's on Yoooosuke—"
…The brunette smiled wickedly. "Yukiko, would you care to enlighten our poor befuddled Yosuke? Steak is involved."
[Your story is relentlessly funny]
"Oh, God forbid a celebrity lie. That's totally never happened before."
And people say I'm entertaining," Rise quipped. "Those two are like their own romance drama, minus commercials."
[You’re right, they are that much better…]
if they break up, Senpai is gonna need a shoulder to cry on. And I've got perfect shoulders!"
"I don't blame you for swinging the way you do."
…Oh, I got ya. That was actually kinda like a compliment, right?"
"Something like that, Kanji.
And I know my Souji lacked all personality.
[Actually, he had at least two lines. This gives him volumes of characterization…for a silent protagonist. I say it works, I’ve read stories where people try to express a silent protagonist and there was only one where it worked: a joke fic where Serge from “Chrono Cross” meets Link from “The Legend of Zelda” and they communicate using sign language]
I only have two real complaints: first was the lipstick, that just confused me. Fan mail, death threats, or congratulations (sarcastic or serious) I could definitely see, but lipstick just made me go “huh?” The other is about claiming to move things around when you could’ve easily done a ‘post-Morooka’ fic with absolutely everything here. Rise may be a year below and in a different class, but they still meet frequently outside of class (typically at Junes but not absolutely always, especially if the group’s not completely together) and Rise’s just waltzed into the classroom outside of class time, so that wouldn’t have been a factor. Morooka is definitely a jerk, but his replacement Kashiwagi is disliked at least as much judging by complaints from students, and if she caught the kiss she might be equally vicious (maybe she felt her vanity insulted?). Just ideas in case you’re interested.
Besides that, the characters feel spot-on true to their canon selves and the humor was light and flawlessly paced. It’s definitely earned another fav.
| Xoraan chapter 1 . 3/29/2010
Love it, because it's Yukiko/Souji. :p
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
UWE HE HE, THIS IS REALLY GOOD, I MEAN REALLY GOOD, I ACTUALLY WISH CAPS WERE BIGGER THAN THEY ARE NOW, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| thesavorofpan chapter 1 . 3/12/2009
Wow i must say that was very creative and intersting not to mention pretty funny
| FenixPhoenix chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Very nicely written :). I like it.
| Aruta Rianu chapter 1 . 2/27/2009
haha! I love Yukiko too
| Poecilia chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
It's like a hidden scene straight out of the game, you got every single characters down, so so perfectly! xD "that guy only talks when he absolutely has to" ... pretty much all the personality we get by playing through Souji. And I assure you, your Rise remains unabashed in character.
| Wrathie Winsre chapter 1 . 2/24/2009
GOOD god FINALLY i can review..
good job in the characterilization, Souji is suppose to be emotionless, non-speakin so it's fine.
The rumor about Souji and the lipstick is unclear to me but otherwise it is fine.
That said, I can't really tell any ChieXYosuke implied in there...
and Rise is fine too.
| The Real Nowhere-Man chapter 1 . 2/20/2009
I didn't get that part about the lipstick in Souji's locker. what was the deal with that?