|Reviews for Golden Moon|
| Lizbit chapter 9 . 3/16/2009
Hm...This chapter confused me a bit. I had thought the reason for Bella going out to see Jacob was that she was going to BEG him to go with her to the movies...When the thought suddenly came to her...I dunno. That didn't make sense to me.
I also thought Bella's spaz on Jacob a little too...out of the blue. Not her easily forgiving him - that's typical Bella, but he said something that seemed totally reasonable, and she freaked. I dunno. Just me.
I still love your work, Babe, so I'm on to read more (after my cup o' tea).
Keep up the great work!
| Insideitall chapter 20 . 3/16/2009
I just read the whole story and i was suposed to be asleep hours ago, work is guna suck tomorow.
Loved it, keep it up and post again soon!
| Lizbit chapter 8 . 3/16/2009
I never read your explanations at the beginning and end of each chapter - I hope you don't mind. I prefer to discover the reasons behind each word/conversation/decision in due course, within the confines of the story. Just so you know.
With that being said, I'll just give you my mental musings, and forgive them if they're ever addressed. Any questions I ask are purely rhitorical, and me not really wanting an answer from you.
Jasper has intregued me this chapter. Clearly, he's sick of being treated as a weakly, unable to have any self-control, which you've got to respect. I wonder at what the reasons which would drive Alice and he so apart as to not talk...
A couple of typos I noticed:
"knew Mike had liked me form" - meant 'from'
Missing question mark at: "If I was grounded, how would I come back to visit Jasper."
Overall, a really good chapter! I'm on to the next one!
| dragonett3 chapter 20 . 3/16/2009
That is so CUTE!
I love it!
| Lizbit chapter 7 . 3/16/2009
You setting Bella up with Mike in an uncormfortable situation is a lot less mean than some of the other things writers put their beloved characters through (look at my story). I think Bella would forgive you. :)
Remember, you never need to explain your motives. As the writer, your knowledge of the overall story is king.
As of right now, regarding your PM, I do find it odd that everything would be done with Edward, and that he will not have a role to play in the story - that he would so easily have moved on. For me, that's the weakest link in the chain.
However, as I've only just finished Chapter 7, and there are 13 chapters to go, I may feel differently as I go. We shall see.
Only one typo: "earning a disapproving glance form" - I think you meant 'from'
Another good one, Chicke!
| alwaysamom chapter 20 . 3/16/2009
I really like how the story is developing. Please figure out how to get them together, especially without hurting Alice. I really want the lightbulb to go on for both bella and jasper that they mutually have feelings for one another. Also, I like this relationship much better than her relationship with Edward because Bella and Jasper actually do things together, cook, discuss watch movies etc. Don't get me wrong I like Bella and Edward but I like how this story portrays Bella and Jasper.
| TwilightLurker chapter 20 . 3/16/2009
Another wonderful chapter. I like that their relationship is moving forward, though not too fast. (Though the crossed signals are killing me!)
Can't wait for their trip to Seattle!
| TwilightLurker chapter 19 . 3/16/2009
Loved this chapter. Poor Jasper in the supermarket! (Though it could have been worse...he could have thought that chick peas had something to do with baby poultry...)
| GODISAWESOME chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
I liked it. At first i wasnt sure because i didnt want Alice to get hurt, but now ii like it. I still dont want Alice to get hurt, but i like the side that were seeing of Jasper. I cant wait to see what happens next.
| Lizbit chapter 6 . 3/15/2009
I really liked this chapter. I liked seeing Jasper again - he's interesting. There's a lot going on with him upstairs, so I like that you're exploring his character.
I also thought the theory on the paper cup - not used to being around her, so didn't have as good a resiliance to her - really interesting and original.
Really, really liked it!
Unfortuantely, its now quarter after 1, so must go to bed. Will try to read more tomorrow morning.
| Lizbit chapter 5 . 3/15/2009
I think I would have been confused had you NOT included Jake... To me, THAT would not have made sense. So, good decision.
Jacob was...Jacob. Annoying in all that IS Jacob, but sweet at the same time. He's madly in love with Bella, so if he wasn't in your story, I'd be second guessing you.
Sorry if that was all very confusing. It just means, I think you're on track.
Bella's crying - if you end it too early, you risk the danger of her seeming like she never really loved him. Too late, and your readers get annoyed (hence why SM skipped over those months in the book). I think you've got it down pat here. We don't see her crying too often. It's not repeptative...
A few typos:
4th paragraph down - missing question mark
Used "weary", but think you meant "wary"
La Push two words, put as one
At "think I'll go to bed' & 'Goodnights', missing quotation marks
Seriously, ma'girl, these are my only complaints. Am totally loving the story!
Think I'll slip in one more chapter before bed...
| Lizbit chapter 4 . 3/15/2009
I'm good with a slow-build. Too fast, and I think it wouldn't be believeable.
I like how you displayed Bella's emotions in this chapter, and Jasper, too. He's very...complex, as I pictured Jasper to be.
A few typos, which I'll PM you later.
| lasweetie chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
*This is kind of a long review, hope you don't mind!*
All I can say is wow wow wow! I started this story this morning, and all day I've been switching back to it between homework and chores. I've never read a Jasper/Bella story before, but this one just makes sense. And I now officially love Jasper, hahaha. You've mentioned quite a few times that you're taking it slowly and I think that's great :) I like the pace a lot, except now I'm at the end of the line, and have to wait for more!
So I guess I should be a bit well-rounded with my critique. One thing that I find somewhat off is how little Bella thinks of Edward and her changed feelings towards him. I like that you've made her stronger, it helps the story move along, but for some chapters she hardly thinks of him. I know that Jasper, Jake, Mike, and all of that distracts her, but it doesn't seem natural for her to not think of him sometimes, like when she's doing homework or driving to school. But that's all the critique I have.
I really enjoy the suspense of waiting to see if the Cullens come back. I'm nervous/scared/excited to find out if Edward comes back, or if Alice finds out, what everyone's reactions will be! I think you've played out that suspense well, because it's not like "THE CULLENS ARE COMING BACK" but as a reader, and maybe it's just me, you assume that they have to re-enter the story.
One last thing, a question. I don't have the time to look through the reviews and see if this has been addressed, but are the Quileute boys becoming werewolves? You mentioned the bear thing, but I'm just wondering if that's going to be a part of the story.
Anyway, keep up the amazing work! I truly can not wait for the next chapter!
| Skadya chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
Love this story and cant wait to read more.
| Lizbit chapter 3 . 3/15/2009
OK, managed to sneek in reading another chappie while Hubbie was busy...
Really liked it. Liked Jasper. Thought you portrayed him perfectly. Loved how you show Bella's emotions - the highs and lows.
I'm curious which direction you may be taking this is. Is this a "Bella and Jasper get together until Edward comes back", or is this a "Bella and Jasper get together DESPITE Edward coming back"? You don't necessarily need to answer. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later. This is just the ponderings of my brain.
Love it, but Hubby is back again. Will read more soon...