Reviews for Golden Moon
Lizbit chapter 6 . 3/15/2009

I really liked this chapter. I liked seeing Jasper again - he's interesting. There's a lot going on with him upstairs, so I like that you're exploring his character.

I also thought the theory on the paper cup - not used to being around her, so didn't have as good a resiliance to her - really interesting and original.

Really, really liked it!

Unfortuantely, its now quarter after 1, so must go to bed. Will try to read more tomorrow morning.


Liz :)
Lizbit chapter 5 . 3/15/2009

I think I would have been confused had you NOT included Jake... To me, THAT would not have made sense. So, good decision.

Jacob was...Jacob. Annoying in all that IS Jacob, but sweet at the same time. He's madly in love with Bella, so if he wasn't in your story, I'd be second guessing you.

Sorry if that was all very confusing. It just means, I think you're on track.

Bella's crying - if you end it too early, you risk the danger of her seeming like she never really loved him. Too late, and your readers get annoyed (hence why SM skipped over those months in the book). I think you've got it down pat here. We don't see her crying too often. It's not repeptative...

A few typos:

4th paragraph down - missing question mark

Used "weary", but think you meant "wary"

La Push two words, put as one

At "think I'll go to bed' & 'Goodnights', missing quotation marks

Seriously, ma'girl, these are my only complaints. Am totally loving the story!

Think I'll slip in one more chapter before bed...

Liz :)
Lizbit chapter 4 . 3/15/2009

I'm good with a slow-build. Too fast, and I think it wouldn't be believeable.

I like how you displayed Bella's emotions in this chapter, and Jasper, too. He's very...complex, as I pictured Jasper to be.

A few typos, which I'll PM you later.

Overall, awesome!

Liz :)
lasweetie chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
*This is kind of a long review, hope you don't mind!*

All I can say is wow wow wow! I started this story this morning, and all day I've been switching back to it between homework and chores. I've never read a Jasper/Bella story before, but this one just makes sense. And I now officially love Jasper, hahaha. You've mentioned quite a few times that you're taking it slowly and I think that's great :) I like the pace a lot, except now I'm at the end of the line, and have to wait for more!

So I guess I should be a bit well-rounded with my critique. One thing that I find somewhat off is how little Bella thinks of Edward and her changed feelings towards him. I like that you've made her stronger, it helps the story move along, but for some chapters she hardly thinks of him. I know that Jasper, Jake, Mike, and all of that distracts her, but it doesn't seem natural for her to not think of him sometimes, like when she's doing homework or driving to school. But that's all the critique I have.

I really enjoy the suspense of waiting to see if the Cullens come back. I'm nervous/scared/excited to find out if Edward comes back, or if Alice finds out, what everyone's reactions will be! I think you've played out that suspense well, because it's not like "THE CULLENS ARE COMING BACK" but as a reader, and maybe it's just me, you assume that they have to re-enter the story.

One last thing, a question. I don't have the time to look through the reviews and see if this has been addressed, but are the Quileute boys becoming werewolves? You mentioned the bear thing, but I'm just wondering if that's going to be a part of the story.

Anyway, keep up the amazing work! I truly can not wait for the next chapter!
Skadya chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
Love this story and cant wait to read more.
Lizbit chapter 3 . 3/15/2009

OK, managed to sneek in reading another chappie while Hubbie was busy...

Really liked it. Liked Jasper. Thought you portrayed him perfectly. Loved how you show Bella's emotions - the highs and lows.

I'm curious which direction you may be taking this is. Is this a "Bella and Jasper get together until Edward comes back", or is this a "Bella and Jasper get together DESPITE Edward coming back"? You don't necessarily need to answer. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later. This is just the ponderings of my brain.

Love it, but Hubby is back again. Will read more soon...

Liz :)
Lizbit chapter 2 . 3/15/2009

Short, but really good! I think you've captured the characters dead on. Mike, Angela, Bella...they all seemed spot on, and i could picture it in my head perfectly. Kudos!

One typo I noticed, you wrote "old" water at the top, instead of "cold". Just something I noticed that spellchecker wouldn't check.

Loved it, but husband is bugging me, so will have to read more later.

Liz :)
Lizbit chapter 1 . 3/15/2009

I really liked it! I was unsure where or how you'd start it, normally I'm Team Edward all the way, but your plot-line is toally believeable. I like that Bella didn't fall completely to pieces, and that (*gasp*) actually got ANGRY at Edward! It was about time the girl grew a pair! *LOL*

Great beginning, and I'm not easily impressed!

Liz :)
FindingLoveInWonderland chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
SadieBoBadie13 chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
I love this story so much it is toottaly awesome!
aphrodite's pet chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
i was already head over heels for jasper lol but this story has made me like him more cant wait to read the rst of it :D
CullenMysteri chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
That was a cute chapter. Jasper is so jealous, I can't wait til she realizes why.
7pi42 chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
gasp! it was...okishful...kinda blech but not too much so...nothing expolded...that would be cool
Lillie Cullen chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
Another great chapter. I am slowly falling in love with this story...
Rena the Strange chapter 20 . 3/15/2009
I loved this chapter. And I was wondering if your putting Saturday and Sunday in the same chapter. Personal I don't think you should, it might feel a bit rushed. (hate it when writers jam to much in a single ch.) I look forward to your next update, I loved your writing style and your version of Bella and Jasper. Good luck on your fanfic.

Love, Leo
5,486 | « Prev Page 1 .. 339 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 359 .. Last Next »