|Reviews for The Commonwealth|
| Alpharious chapter 2 . 12/11/2013
This is off to a great start; here's hoping you continue it, I'm rather curious to see where you take it.
Passing idea for codenames:
Guptah - Psy
Drake - Bootneck
Spencer - Hard Rock / Gibraltar
| Fulgrim chapter 2 . 6/21/2012
Excellent 'fic! Definitely like your OCs; would love to see Chapter 3 sometime soon. :)
| Soap chapter 2 . 6/14/2012
Nice 'fic - hope you update one of these days. Looking forward to Chapter 3! :)
By the way, I vote Corporal Drake adopts the codename 'Bootneck' if he wants to keep his identity from the general public. ;D
| Tom Robinson chapter 2 . 3/17/2009
Very nice, I'm glad to find a uk based fic in this universe.
I hope you keep with it. :)
| JovianJeff chapter 2 . 3/3/2009
A wonderful follow up to a first chapter. I love the bonding going on here, especially when the doc stood up for the other two and they edged for their weapons. Wonderful work. I now find myself looking forward for the next chapter.
| JovianJeff chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Now that was a surprise. I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy a marvel story, but like the author's work and decided to give it a go. I was not disappointed. The action and humor were well balanced here and everything was explained well enough so someone unfamiliar with the marvel universe, at least anything current, wasn't lost. A nice beginning.
| Gogolu chapter 2 . 3/3/2009
Could be fun.
| King Hawke chapter 2 . 2/28/2009
you gotta hate the government who "requests" your help and reinforces the reasons why you Should agree. aka, help us or else. good story so far. the fighting was interesting to read. keep up the good work.
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 2/26/2009
I like the irony of the Skrulls invading this prison facility (whatever their reasons are) and apparently not realizing that some of the inmates - this Omega-class guy, for instance - are likely to be much more dangerous to the Skrulls than the other way around.
It's been a heck of a long time since I reread any of the old "New Universe" material in my collection, so I don't remember it well, but I have no objections to your wanting to include some of its ideas in your story.
However, there are lots of little things which could stand some polish in your writing. For instance, it seems to me that you sometimes have trouble with the punctuation of passages which include dialogue, other text, and then more dialogue, all in the same paragraph. Let me offer one example:
* “So much for the bloody Hippocratic Oath.” The psychiatrist muttered to herself as she looked round at the devastation, “I'm going to need help with this.” *
Although it may be arguable, I think that would work much better if it were punctuated so that the verb "muttered" applied to the first bit of dialogue in that paragraph, rather than the second bit at the tail end of the paragraph. I would have punctuated it as:
“So much for the bloody Hippocratic Oath,” the psychiatrist muttered to herself as she looked round at the devastation. “I'm going to need help with this.”
There are other cases where I'm certain (instead of just thinking it's "probable" or "arguable") that your punctuation of such passages could stand some editing. And beyond that, there are various other little typographical orders which caught my eye.
For instance, you refer to Dr. Guptah as having "a lightning-bolt shaped scare."
I suspect you meant it was a "scar."
In the next paragraph, you say "she let the darkens inside her mind take control."
I suspect you meant "darkness" instead of "darkens."
And I'm reasonably certain that the plural of "Skrull" is simply "Skrulls" - without any apostrophe.
There are lots of other little things which caught my eye - any single misspelled word is trivial, but I see enough little problems in here to make me think you'd do well to ask a Beta Reader to proofread your material before you post it, and thus help you spot a handful of common mistakes which interfere with my enjoying what you're doing as you start off with what is, admittedly, a suspenseful action sequence as alien invaders run wild through a prison with superhuman inmates.
| ccwgtb chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
A sane(ish) Justice and an incarcerated Star Brand. I forsee a lot of dead Skrulls in the future of this fic. :)
| King Hawke chapter 1 . 2/24/2009
interesting story so far. it had plenty of good detail and characters. I recognize the basics of it, as a marvel fan. keep up the good work