|Reviews for Harry, In Slytherin|
| TrunksIzayaBossKadoDRRRotaku chapter 2 . 3/17/2014
...Well, I have to congratulate you on having barely any spelling or grammar errors, except for a few places here and there (in chapter 13 or 14, you said Shirley, instead of surely, which is what you needed there). In this chapter, you have no commas where you need them to be. Personally, not personally is what you want there. Commas give sentences proper flow, and without them, it doesn't look right.
"What are you blabbing about, old woman?" You need a question mark there in order to give it proper flow. Also you have a bad habit of repeating things you already said in a previous sentence, something that can be fixed with proofreading and going back over it. All you do is go to your stories, select one in preview mode, and highlight the entire chapter, and copy and paste it into your documents and then save it and reupload it to your document manager and click on replace, and edit chapter and then that'll be fixed. Easy enough.
The pros about this story: It's easy to read through, has little spelling issues, mostly makes sense, and Crystal seems like a very interesting character, if not a stand-in for Ron. Try and give her some flaws and that'll even her out and make her less of a Sue. Yellow14 was being a bit of an ass to you about that, but there's no need to flame over that. I like Ron being bashed, the idiot needs some punishment at times, and Dumbles is an idiot.
The cons:...OOC-ness can be a major letdown for some readers. My biggest issue was earlier in this chapter, where Minerva whines like a little kid about Harry not being in her house (something that is unlike her) and the Hat totally disses a Hogwarts professor and she throws this temper tantrum for a few moments and then screams. This is something characteristic of someone like Trelawney, and not Minerva. She's a stoic, composed individual.
The hat seems OOC, as well. Before writing, take care that you know how the characters act and think, otherwise it can be quite mystifying for someone who reads this and thinks something's amiss with the characters. Though OOC-ness can be justified if you explain why they're acting that way and what made them change. Sudden personality changes are unbelievable without explanation.
I assume this story is already finished, but I wanted to let you know how I felt.
| Guest chapter 13 . 2/1/2014
I like this one a lot plus Severus Snape is wormer to harry then in other fanfiction's I like that he is nicer than the headmaster since he is always hiding things from Harry potter from the start keep them coming.
| TruthAndHonesty chapter 50 . 12/2/2013
I am TruthAndHonesty, and I speak for Harpygirl24. Your going to heaven for your fanfic and hell for short chapters and Lucius.
| PiptheSnake chapter 10 . 10/24/2013
Are the books from dumbles, Draco, Snape or wormtail? Or someone else entirely?
This is very good, btw
| authorlouise chapter 64 . 7/6/2013
Leglimens is the spell to invade the mind.
| Revelation Rebel chapter 86 . 6/30/2013
Claire Elizabeth, Madeleine Rose, and Daniel Remus.
| GakuenLME chapter 1 . 6/27/2013
yay like this so far! yea though i am ok with weasley (excluding Ginny) bashing. I dislike any form of bashing of Hermione because she began as nothing but a knowledgeable muggleborn. Love how Hermione is not just lumped with Ron in this and it is sort of because of Harry that she became friends with Ron in the first place! Chapter one done so many more to go!
| harrypotterfan chapter 56 . 6/11/2013
Didn't pansy die? Or has she just returned as a ghost...
| Guest chapter 52 . 6/11/2013
| Guest chapter 58 . 5/24/2013
Didn't pansy die earlier in the story?
| Hannah chapter 7 . 3/16/2013
I have just sarted to read your stuff and it's good but do you hate ron weasley or something?
| theHuntress101 chapter 122 . 1/27/2013
This story has been delayed for 1 and a half years. If you PM me by the end of February, then I'll do my best to help you. Please update soon!
| snakedrag chapter 122 . 8/7/2012
i love your story! better than the original
| Guest chapter 29 . 7/21/2012
To be honest I absolutely hats the fact that hermionie is slytherins heir and I'm disgusted and furious
| Sailor Ninja Turtle chapter 79 . 7/11/2012
Severus John, Poppy Minerva and Jamilah Katherine :3