|Reviews for Breakdown|
| Camilla10 chapter 3 . 6/29/2014
Still very good at rereading
| Guest chapter 3 . 4/18/2014
I’m glad you did write this third chapter. Yes, their sexual intimacy has no doubt given Bella brand new confidence in the solidity of their connection, but they need the words too.
‘I force my eyes open and he's there, leaning against the wall by my window. Dressed in nothing more than a pair of jeans hanging low on his hips, the button unfastened, he's too gorgeous to bear.’
Holy shit, this image just leaves me speechless.
Nice: ‘Something in his eyes and his expression as he looks at me, tells me that maybe I don't look as bad as I think I do. His familiar half-smile is warm, an approving glint in his eyes.’
Thank goodness we’re not getting guilt, regret, and angst!
Delicious: ‘He places his fingers beneath my chin … lifting my head. I drink in the sight of him all the way up. His bare feet, his jean clad thighs, the undone button low on his abs, the thin trail of hair across an otherwise smooth, hard expanse of skin. Higher still, to the planes of his chest, the column of his throat and finally his impossibly handsome face and expressive eyes.’
Lovely illustration of how things are different now: ‘I hear him sigh heavily, a sound usually synonymous with the sentence: 'Please be reasonable, Bella.' He doesn't say it though…’
A sweet, intimate moment, brushing out her hair. Very Edward: “"I wanted to tell you a lot of things last night, Bella. … I'm starting at the beginning, love, don't distract me." A whole inventory of the things he adores about her body – what a boost for her confidence.
Aww: ‘I don't miss that he calls it 'making love' despite the fact the full act never happened. Edward is nothing if not a gentleman.’ And in a good way this time.
Yeah, entirely believable: ‘I think he's wrong, I can imagine. At least I can if it feels anything at all like the way his skin felt against mine. Not that I can tell him that. Not that I could tell him anything right now when he's stolen my ability to breathe.’
‘I force myself to stay very still while I commit every word he's just said to memory. Later, when I'm alone, I will remember each and every detail of this moment.’ Oh, for a vampire memory right about now!
I love that she figures out it’s important for her to be honest about her breakdown and exactly what led to it. And ‘Edward deserves more than a weak answer like, I don't know.’
In a way, her simple, straightforward answers take more courage than wordy, overthought essays.
Perfect conclusion: "I know."
Once again, thanks so much for this gem of a story!
| Renee Aubin chapter 2 . 4/11/2014
Yummm: “let me show you all the things I can't find words for." Just what she needs – she won’t believe words anyway.
The way that he takes his time is just delicious. All of this is such a perfect description of what finally allowing this exploration would be like for these two.
Vivid, and very vampire: ‘Edward is once again above me, completely still except for the ragged rise and fall of his chest as his breath rasps noisily through his open mouth. His eyes are shut, his jaw so tightly clenched I fear it must be painful. I watch him swallow, the muscles of his throat completing the action with an almost violent spasm. He does it again and again, and I know that the venom must burn his throat as it makes its way down.’
Other favorite lines:
‘I don't know how he is holding on to his control; I only know mine is gone completely.’
‘Terrified that he will leave me now with my body tied in these agonizing knots…’
‘He shakes his head, smiling slowly, a controlled yet dangerous edge to his expression. Lowering his head, he brushes my mouth with his, and I know he's drinking in my scent.’
‘I'm pinned to the bed by nothing more than the expression on his face.’
‘I ache to touch him, though I keep my hands to myself, too afraid of making any movement that might shatter his control and end this.’
‘Not even our most passionate petting sessions, nor any one of my own fumbling self-explorations, has taught me what my body is capable of. Now, hovering on the very edge, I want only to chase this feeling that has so long eluded me.’
‘For a second the pleasure is so intense that I'm afraid. Edward raises his head, sensing instantly that I'm holding back, fighting the feelings I've never experienced. I feel and taste the cool sweetness of his breath as he presses his mouth just below my ear.
"I will never leave you, Bella, never. Let go, love...come to me."’
And how lovely that she's finally able to fall asleep peacefully, confident that he'll be there when she wakes. Happy sigh.
| Renee Aubin chapter 1 . 4/5/2014
OK, so is it silly for me to get all excited about an 8000-word story that was published five YEARS ago? If so, too bad! I love it when talented writers have their own take on canon, developing themes that were neglected by the author. I only wish I had found this one much earlier in my fanfic career, it would have soothed my heart after reading the books! Canon was absurdly weak about having both of them deal with the fallout of Edward’s desertion.
‘In my defense, though, I've gotten so good at hiding these particular skeletons at the back of my closet, I'd almost forgotten they existed.’ Yes, we all do that, don’t we?
I like the way you wrote the counterpoint of the justifications vs. the doubts in her mind.
‘Edward is the only antidote, but he isn't here.’ A subtle but excellent illustration of her dilemma – she’s only sure of him when he’s physically present. That can’t work.
Well said: ‘The vortex or the past sucks me down and away from all the rational beliefs I've surrounded myself with since Italy and the near miss of losing...everything.’
Such a lovely image of being held in his lap and soothed out of her panic. She needed to feel both the panic and the soothing. ‘…aside from the blanket, I am completely and utterly naked in his arms.’ There’s something so grown up about that.
"Oh, Bella," he sighs. "What have I done to you?"
Interesting: ‘A hot rush of humiliation makes me stop talking. Having him see me like this is my worst nightmare.’ Another thing she needs to experience and accept, then.
Oh, good for him: ‘He growls with a low tight sound that clearly conveys his frustration. "I will not have you defending me, protecting me any longer, Bella. It ends now."’
"Edward, how did you get here?“ ...
"I've always known I was fast, Bella. I just never knew how fast until today."
"[Alice] was on her way here to you. … She didn't need to say anything, Bella. I could see what she saw, I could hear you crying. She said she's been seeing the possibility of this for weeks, but that it kept changing which is why she didn't tell me sooner. You'd come close to falling apart then find some kind
of strength to push it back down…"
Striking image: ‘I can taste the residue of my tears - bitter brine next to the honeyed sweetness of his mouth.’
Sounds like Bella: ‘I want very much to keep it together now, but my emotions are so out of control that I can't seem to keep reins on any of them. It's all too much. I sob against his mouth, hating myself for doing this to him, hating my weakness.’
It’s sooo encouraging that he sees this:
"I've known for a while now that you've been struggling, but like a fool I've tried to deny it. … There are things we've left in the past that need to be brought back up into the light, aren't there?"
‘Even with all his promises, nothing changes. There is a part of me still that can't believe he won't find another reason to leave.’ Of course, after that spectacular display of unilateral arrogance.
Wow: "Your heart beats for both of us now, and it will keep beating until the day we silence it together in exchange for our eternity." “us” and “we” and “together” and “our” – those are the words that have been in short supply.
‘"Edward." My voice is a throaty whisper, and I lick my lips nervously. … "Your hand is on my…"
He smiles, a half grin that doesn't really reach his eyes. "Yes." Simple, straight to the point, and I wait breathlessly, knowing it will only be a second before he removes it. … A second passes, and then another and another, and still he stays.’
‘Prove it, prove it now, right now. But I can't speak because if he turns me away, if he says no, again, I will break…’ Yes, a frightening - and all too likely - probability.
Oooh fun: ‘I watch as understanding suddenly sparks in his eyes. His nostrils flare, and his eyes turn blacker than I have ever seen them, blacker even than the midnight color that marks his thirst.’ The light goes on!
Terrific ending, a deft combination of intense emotion and equally intense pride/determination:
‘I need you to touch me, show me what you cannot show me with empty words, but my mouth remains closed, and the pain begins to creep back in. I close my eyes to hide it from him, pressing my face back against his neck, choking on tears I refuse to shed more of.
I won't beg.
Good for her.
More good phrases:
‘…the odd dizzying feeling of movement that doesn't come from my own volition…’
‘trying to drown my fear in his kisses’
‘the icy coolness of his fingers sends darts of contradictory warmth spiralling over my skin’
‘Need, powerful and heavy, pins me in my place’
Can you tell I liked it?
| MoJo40 - Ffaddward chapter 3 . 3/17/2014
That was absolutely amazing!
| Mell C chapter 3 . 2/3/2014
Well done. Thanks for writing and sharing with us.
| cfigueroa78 chapter 1 . 12/25/2013
Such a great and beautifully written story. This glimpse into something very real that was not explored the way it should have in the original books is amazing and heartbreaking. What Bella is feeling is very natural and expected but never fully explored by SM. I wondered about it very often while reading the books. The love of her life left her, broke her and even though he returned - those actions leave a permanent mark. Of course she will worry that he'll leave again - the doubt is sadly something he put there and solely responsible for.
| Major-Fire-Blaze chapter 3 . 12/15/2013
beautiful story :,)
| brenda.warren.1257 chapter 3 . 11/8/2013
that was nice something he needed to say and her needing t hear and believe ad she does now thanks to last nght thank god
| brenda.warren.1257 chapter 2 . 11/8/2013
well that was different not the Edward we all know and love. hope she enjoyed that don't you hope he enjoyed it as well
| brenda.warren.1257 chapter 1 . 11/8/2013
well she finally has hiss hands on her breast wonder what he is thinking at this point we know what she's thinking and wanting
| ForeverRobsessed chapter 3 . 10/28/2013
| philipno2 chapter 3 . 6/9/2013
| Siriusmunchkin chapter 3 . 3/13/2013
Things that always needed to be said. Nicely done.
| Tish the Dish chapter 3 . 10/25/2012
Powerful! "Thank you, for letting me love you." Awesome! "I know" simple, direct and straight to the heart. Conviction! Healing! Unconditional love! Beautiful!