|Reviews for Sitra Ahra|
| Mighty Pen 20 chapter 28 . 8/24
Damn great chapter! There's not much else to say than well done. Oh, we of course have to mention the best line-scene of the story that makes its appearance here: 'Get away from me seeker ye bastard!' (Cue heroic music)
| Mighty Pen 20 chapter 22 . 8/23
Man, this is a really good story. There is barely a shred of similarity to canon — other than the 'very' main plot points — and the fact that it is quite well written helps, of course. You've got a very good narrative voice in general, keeping me always interested. And it seems that the conflict is going to go up another notch after the end of this chapter. Very nice!
The only point where you lose me a bit are those long 'boss' fights that sometimes happen — though there are not many in the story so far (Just two or three if I remember correctly) . It's not that they are bad, but they are simply less interesting than what you usually write if they are lengthy. In this chapter for example the fight was fine, because it did not drag on for too long. Anyway this does not matter much in the end, because the passages I am referring to make up just a couple thousand words (or less) of this huge story.
Well done. Just like Elizium (which I am a fan of) , this looks like a great piece of work so far.
| Diaspared chapter 15 . 6/23
I'm always, /always/, partial to corruption in place of hatred.
I hope your Voldemort variant sees it as a process, not an immediate thing; the best executed version of this is in a specific Star Wars fanfiction trilogy on this site, a story where Palpatine breaks Luke utterly until he is dark enough to control.
Tom Riddle always seemed like he could be more.
| Diaspared chapter 14 . 6/23
If I may offer a statement: I think you're too detail oriented to focus on non-action or non-drama for this long. Well, at least insofar as you want to craft a story that appeals to me; others may be less susceptible to your descriptive pace.
I myself tend towards ludicrously long introspection when writing, which works wonders for characterization. It is also utter shite, to borrow the British spelling, for anything even approaching action. When I try to speed up, as it were, I tend to write less description and more flashes of action, because for all that I feel I'm at least adequate at showing thought processes and discussion, I'm horrible at the third point of the narrative triumvirate, the setting.
With you, and this may be my insomnia talking, the story feels slow. I think it's due to your skill with descriptions, where the sheer density of the work plays a part in the weight of the story.
| Diaspared chapter 10 . 6/23
You probably should have added "mystery" to the category line.
You also absolutely should not have done what you did with the sorting hat: by allowing an avenue in, you've put the onus on Harry to tell Dumbledore that the hat could see through. And by doing so, when you fail to write this scene and all that follows, and instead reveal at a moment of greater drama, you'll have me (and, perhaps, others like me) reacting not with shock but mild disdain. I'm supposed to feel intrigue, but all I feel is impatience.
| Diaspared chapter 9 . 6/23
You've gone missing, for a given value thereof, but I just put together most of the pieces you've hinted at. Well, beyond your, to borrow a term from the most unpleasant website that is tvtropes, diabolus ex machina in the form of this "legion"; you could stand to give a few more clues regarding what is inevitably the greater evil in this story. I mean, clues beyond either a reference to Good Omens, an actual demon, or Supernatural.
But as I see it, your main goals were simple: increase ministry power, prepare Harry prior to Hogwarts, remove his need to die, add an extra horcrux absolutely no one knows about, and ignore, until absolutely necessary, the need to actually develop a reasonable means, in background terms, of increasing Harry's strength. What doesn't fit in is the death of Tonks: it feels gratuitous at the very best, and uncalled for at worst. I question the need for her death, especially as I find it dubious in the extreme that her shapeshifting properties extend to those using polyjuice to take her form (which, as I gather, is the real reason she's dead: so that Narcissa Malfoy, and by extension the death eaters, have access to shapeshifting abilities.) It feels cheap, unnecessary, and shortsighted.
| The Other World chapter 30 . 6/1
I hope you're still active on this site and the story isn't abandoned - you haven't updated for two years but I really hope you're going to continue this! A really interesting Harry-in-Slytherin take, and his past has me so intensely curious! I wish he'd just open his mind and get on with it instead of taking it so gradually. Millicent and Regina's deaths were really shocking, and I feel so sorry for Harry.
I'm glad Sirius has escaped Azakaban (poor guy) and I wonder if Harry will be able to talk with him soon. I wonder why he escaped though, we haven't seen Scabbers in this story (At least, I don't think so), so why escape now and not before?
Hmm... what else? I'm surprised the Flamels are letting him go back to Hogwarts every year - God knows my parents wouldn't dream of it if I went through what he did - and I can't really figure out what Fudge's game is. So... I would love you to update soon!
Thanks for this really nice story 3
| Serenarey Chiba chapter 30 . 5/16
Well, now. I see your muse has left you, and that's a shame, but I really enjoyed reading this. I lost precious sleep making sure I finished this, although the initial couple of chapters made me wonder if it was in my best interests to continue reading. Even so, I don't think I regret doing so. Thank you for making this story a reality.
| hhrforeverhhr chapter 30 . 4/26
this story is amazing! i couldn't stop once i started.. read the whole thing in few days. it's a shame that it was dropped..
| hypnoticageregression chapter 1 . 4/24
Contrary to your AN, this was a very good first chapter and very interesting! I've read this scene many times but it's normally over very quickly and has nothing special or unique in it. I enjoyed tihs.
| fmlfavedtoomuchsmut chapter 7 . 3/4
Holy moly, this story is progressing so slowly... Like I don't even know how many words I've read and I feel like you're sacrificing character development for a larger number of characters. It's pretty well written, but the premise is kind of flimsy since you really haven't dedicated much time to it all things considered...
| Graham chapter 30 . 2/24
I hope to god you pick this back up, very original, very interested to see where it's going... :C
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/21
Magical cores? Mindscapes?
This cannot be the incredibly creative author who wrote "Elizium for the Sleepless Souls".
| Cherri202 chapter 30 . 2/11
Still not really sure how to feel about this story. On one hand, you've opened up a lot of interesting mysteries, and quite often your characters are on point, which is certainly keeping me interested. You've got some really creative ideas, and you aren't afraid of pushing beyond the comfortable to achieve them, which is good.
On the other hand, your spelling and grammar is really lacking, and you frequently use awkward phrasing, repeat ideas, and forget to adequately describe situations. It would definitely be worth rereading this story and correcting some of the major faults (and Fanfiction does let you edit chapters). Plot holes run rampant, or at least situations in which a clever character should see another solution that is quickly obvious to a reader, and yet they do not. I also feel that sometimes you forget that characters are not canon characters. Harry's scar is hardly 'infamous' in this world, and Ron would probably still be calling Hermione 'Granger'.
I am interested to see where you take this story, and will follow it in case you ever decide to come back to it, but I do think you need to acknowledge your reviewers and actually correct some of their complaints, as I've seen some of the things I think of echoed in old reviews and never changed.
| Cherri202 chapter 11 . 2/4
Well this does seem to be picking up as you get into the flow of things. Despite a few poor phrases and missed opportunities (such as Harry possibly telling his friends he'd slept like that 'for as long as he remembered' rather than outright lying) I'm starting to enjoy myself.