Reviews for Betrayal prt1
readingisdabest chapter 1 . 3/29/2012
yi is awesome
Midge chapter 10 . 3/27/2009
wop wwop!

go leslie

ow no is she gonna lie?

did she give max her life?

i luv the plot!

my favourite so far!

i sumin gonna happen with iggy n leslie?


is max fang n iggy still 14 nudge 11 Gazzy 8 n Ange 6 or have they had a birthday resently?


fivearemine7 chapter 7 . 3/12/2009
Yikes...I didn't see that coming! I am getting a little confused about which characters are girls/boys. Keep going, I am definately in, and there is NO QUESTION that I am without a doubt your biggest fan!
fivearemine7 chapter 6 . 3/12/2009
I would love to hear more about the up and away! And I also want to know much more about who Leslie is.
fivearemine7 chapter 5 . 3/12/2009
When you feel "stuck" you might want to go back to what you have already written and pull the storyline through one of your characters. Let's just say, for instance, you go with Ella and the break-up with her boyfriend. You decide, do you want to go way back to when they met, or if they aren't important to the story, just fill in with some chatter about the breakup. Then you could look at why Max is so mad...
fivearemine7 chapter 4 . 3/12/2009
Slow down...this is a terrific story. Take the time to tell it. I want to know more about Ella and how she impacts the world (flock) around her. Something tells me she is going to set some of the storyline in motion. And for those of us who haven't read the book, can you fill in just a bit more about Max?
fivearemine7 chapter 3 . 3/12/2009
I really enjoy the pace of your story, but I also like it when you stay longer in a moment and REALLY help me SEE what is happening. Do you know what I mean?
djpc450 chapter 6 . 3/11/2009
its good

hope u right more :)
Jen Romeo chapter 1 . 3/8/2009
I think it sounds great. you definately have me hooked. I got a little confused at the paragraph "his name was Will he said". Keep writing, I can't wait to hear more...thanks for including me. Aunt Jen
Vicky Hauser chapter 1 . 3/5/2009
I think this chapter is off to a wonderful start. I haven't read "Maximum Ride," but I definitely want to read more of this story. The last 2 paragraphs need a little proofreading, but the descriptions of what you saw, felt and heard make me want to read more. Isn't that what a great book makes you feel?
Tjaiden chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Really well written! up date soon
Tjaiden chapter 2 . 3/3/2009
Tjaiden chapter 3 . 3/3/2009
Keep it up! I really love your writting
fivearemine7 chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
I really like your is easy to read. Your words flow very nicely.
fivearemine7 chapter 2 . 3/2/2009
Wonderful...I can "see" the entire scene. Great imagery.