|Reviews for Movement In The Dark|
| kisa-alpha chapter 18 . 4/9/2009
you need to work on the torcher part a bit. we guess you never been hit with a cattle prod.
| kisa chapter 18 . 4/9/2009
i love where you stopped it. great[ place to take a break :p
| mlpsunflower chapter 18 . 4/7/2009
Poor Murdock. I can only hope that rest of the team come in and beat this guy to a pulp! Love the story can't wait to see the rest.
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 18 . 4/6/2009
OH MY GOD! 'Scuse me while I beat the Mammoth to death with an encyclapedia. He can't do this to Murdock! Surley Richter wouldn't have left the Mammoth behind with Murdock all drugged up to his eyeballs? Somebody do something (I've been shouting at my computer for the last 10 minutes and it hasn't worked). You have to update right now so somebody can save Murdock, I'll be having nightmare 'till you do T-T Please save Murdock?
| Kes chapter 18 . 4/5/2009
Facey and Hannibal and BA are going to END HIM. With MURDERATIONOUS RAGE.
I wanna watch.
| kisa chapter 17 . 4/5/2009
i feel sorry for who ever they leave behind. i really don't see Murdock reacting like that to the mammoths comment.. well unless it was just an off day for him.
i can't wait to see what Murdock does to/with his chaperon.
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 17 . 4/3/2009
Did someone say update? *Swings down from the luggage rack* Oh yay! What movie are they going to see? ... Wait a mo. You can't leave Murdock with the Mammoth! (There was a mammoth in our video in biology today -made me think of this! :D) save Murdock! Ah maybe Ness will? I just thought of that, or maybe Murdock will showcase what makes him 'Cap'n Awesome' and escape? Oh please update I have to know that Murdock is okay! Aww and Behl was so sorry, I really love him, you did an excellent job with Behl - just hearing his random talikg is enough to make me smile :) see? Update soon?
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 16 . 3/30/2009
Hey nonny nonny! (I'm road testing this as a greeting, bear with me) I love you for updating! It made my day! :D Oh poor Ness and her brain, and she's all on her own, 'cept for Murdock, poor girl. Maybe Murdok can help her out? I still like Behl bestest of all and that star machine is just awesome (I reread parts of your story xD, I still love bandlewather, perhaps a spinoff is in order? lol!). Please do keep updating regularly, I prefer reading fanfics to studying anyday!
| Kes chapter 16 . 3/30/2009
Kudos indeed! This chapter could have easily turned into "HAI GUISE HEER ARE MI CHARAS SEE WHAT THEY ARE LIEK!1" but you actually kept it engaging and believable. It's always interesting to read something from someone who falls firmly on the "He's legitimately screwed up in the head" side of the Great Murdock Debate. Write on!
| MarsPFlyer chapter 8 . 3/27/2009
AWESOME flight scene!
Sounds about right, I'm an 85 hour Private Pilot, single engine, fixed wing (basically more like the little ultralight the boys put together in the early seasons (1.9, Holiday in the Hills) but not the big jets / more than one engine planes or choppers Murdock flies regularly.
I'm quite enjoying this story. Though I could use a translation on Behl at times.
Keep up the good writing. I'm going to finish what's posted :)
| seastarr chapter 15 . 3/24/2009
Sorry, life's been beyond hectic here and I haven't had a chance to catch up on the story until now. And look at all that's happened! I liked the food fight scene a few chapters back and the Mammoth finally getting caught out - though I hope he gets a more dramatic come up-ants ( sp?) later. (*hopeful smile*) Keep up the good work!
| JustReviewing chapter 15 . 3/24/2009
Hi there. My gnomish scout asked me to review this.
First off, Behl is a great character. Very nicely written, and indeed, well formed. However, while the dialogue is fascinating (and well done) it's too straining. Remember that a reader's eye is travelling along, moving at the fast pace in which you've set the story. To have the eye stop and attempt to translate the words is too much to ask for your readers. Yes, I understand it adds a nuance, but this sort of gimmick should be reserved for a smaller story... probably 3,0 or less.
Murdock – I can tell you have him down. I’m not sure if it’s the tone of the story, but you seem to only scratch the surface of his psyche. He’s not “FUN crazy” as you said. Murdock is driven by a deeply inset trauma...a trauma that I sense you know and understand. Yet for some reason, you seem to veer away from this darkness inside of him. I wish you would investigate this darkness further, because I think you would do it justice.
The only other piece of advice I want to give you is to never, ever capitalize words in fiction. First of all, you are an excellent writer. You must trust the reader to know and understand the word needs emphasis. And I can say, with confidence, the reader will know. That is how good you are. But capitalizing words is the sure sign of an amateur and I don’t want you to be labeled like that.
The very last thing is more of a question. Is this story supposed to be solely a dialogue? It seems you shy away from descriptive text. Which confuses me; the text in here is excellent. So I know you can do it. But for some reason, you tend to have dialogue in scenes where the reader needs, and wants, more description. I think you should try to write the story as the dialogue dictates, then come back and fill in the descriptions. It’s much easier to write this way, especially if you are dialogue-driven.
On a personal note, remember that Murdock is from Texas, not the South. It’s two completely different accents, and trust me when I say that Southern readers are extremely insulted by the (mis)use of words. I’m glad you toned down the drawl. *smile* Also, I was thrilled to hear you say this: “hearing' the dialogue in my head to make sure it sounds right.” That is, of course, mostly what I lecture on. That said, remember that commas are a slight hesitation, so don’t throw them around all willy-nilly.
All in all, this is good. I think you probably need some tightening, but I can see you published. My little friend was right, kudos again. She’s a good one.
| kisa chapter 15 . 3/23/2009
that is a hell of a monster under ones bed...cookie boy *giggles*
ok i'm no good at well rounded feed back i just want more story *stomps foot*
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 15 . 3/22/2009
Wo! Behl needs a lady friend! Teehee. I'm glad you have a computer to play on, so delighted infact I went grave robbing and 'borrowed' a hand. Bless those zombies for not minding so much :D All hail Murdok and his Palandromic T shirt (I would buy one, are you printing?). I hope Palandromic is a word. Of course the line: "Fear me! I am Bandle-Whather, god of the air, and I demand sacrifices!" Is going down on my all time favorite list in the back of my school planner (Its fabulous for whiling away those dull chemistry lessons xD) And 75% less hick? Wow, I guess I missed that, aww. I would have probably assumed Murdock was pretending to be a Hill Billy, anyways, so all's well as is Hickless! Oh and Ness is progressing well and I have my Sue Bashin' Spatula at the ready if she misbehaves! 0_o
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 4 . 3/22/2009
Yay! If you could picture me doing an Irish Jig, that's what I'm doing! I just read chapter 4 and had to review now!I' loving this so much! I don't drop by for a while and now there's like a whole story!