|Reviews for Movement In The Dark|
| Shadarus chapter 14 . 3/17/2009
need more... its great.
| Kesendipity chapter 14 . 3/17/2009
You kiddin'? She'll be putty in his hands by daybreak, what with him talkin' all charming-like and batting his big brown eyes. Ness is a promising character so far: good luck with avoiding Mary Sueishness, you're on the right track!
Excellent job toning down the accent as well. We can hear him in our head pretty well anywho. :D However, speaking as a Southerner, don't be afraid of all southernisms as far as words go. 'Y'all' is a perfectly legitimate attempt to fill a lexical gap (the lack of a third-person plural in English), and other words like 'britches', used in moderation, help keep the flavour of the dialogue-with certain syntactical variations in grammar, of course. ("Don't you go flirtin' with none of them power princesses, now! She's like to turn you over her knee, man.")
I pontificate because I care. XD Write on, noble author, write on!
| Sonic Kes chapter 13 . 3/16/2009
*shifty eyes* ...the world may never know!
Another couple of good chapters...really, you are quite amazing at balancing crazy and cunning. One thing you might want to look out for in writing accent; it works well occasionally, where the pronunciation is significantly different (ie 'you' vs 'ya', 'want to' vs 'wanna'), but be careful not to use when not really necessary (imho, 'I' vs 'ah'). A very small nitpick. :)
Hah! I bet Murdock captured him a girlie. He's so chivalrous, it's gotta be. ;) And hey, if you ever want to include cameos by the others that would be amazing. Keep up the good work. :D
| Kes chapter 11 . 3/15/2009
Now, since childhood I have found the entire A-Team to be a veritable smorgasbord of crushable fugitive almost-an-SG-team goodness, but Murdock is my eternal favourite. You have captured him perfectly, in all his pilot-y, heroical, crazy-yet-clever glory and I am delighted. GOOD SHOW.
*goes to fav and watch!*
| Kes chapter 10 . 3/15/2009
"Well, if you did have connections, I'd rather see something done about him before you get hurt and not after. You keep putting yourself in harm's way whenever you think someone needs you, and in your mind, everyone needs you."
Heart! Heart, heart, heart, heart, heart! *loves Murdock with unholy fervor*
| Kes chapter 7 . 3/15/2009
My keen skills, given me by two whole semesters of French, says that you did great except that 'beau' should go BEFORE 'jour'. Goodness knows I am not an authority. :P
If you're takin' votes, I vote that Ness is actually a supernatural force of some sort! XD Murdock is definitely the sort to attract that sort of thing.
| Keth chapter 5 . 3/15/2009
I thowt I thucht leaf a wuhwuh, scho woo...
This is too hard. Good thing I have teeth! Great story. Very good knack for dialogue, you have, and a nice balance between show and tell. Keep up the good work,
| seastarr chapter 7 . 3/9/2009
Another couple of good chapters. You are SO right about Ghostbusters!
Can't wait to see what's up next.
| Belker chapter 1 . 3/8/2009
I'm really enjoying this!
| Seastarr chapter 5 . 3/6/2009
Wow, my hat is off to you - Behl's toothless dialect is something else! ( and fun to try to translate).
Good luck with the computer issues! Looking forward to the next installment.
| DMandNCISFan chapter 5 . 3/6/2009
This fanfic is really good, I love Murdock and I'm really enjoying it - sounds just like him too :D
Gr at The Mammoth though, the big bully - hope someone sorts that guy out soon! :)
| seastarr chapter 4 . 3/4/2009
Enjoying the story so far! You've got the Murdock-speak down well. Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Cap'n Awesome chapter 2 . 3/3/2009
I like this, its cool. I love the peanut butter guy already! His dialogue is easy enough to understand except for this 'ya schnowt' I'm not quite sure what that means! Maybe you could let me know next time you update (as soon as possible please? :D). I do love Murdock!