|Reviews for Victoria's Revenge|
| ViaTistan chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
| liz.scissom chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
Awe really a cliffhanger, please post again soon. I want to find out what happens next.
| I'm Not Your Ex chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
Haha, this sucks. It's just a block of text with no grammar skills and no sense of dialogue. It's like a seven-year-old wrote it.
Also, I notice you're a repeat reviewer (someone who submits the same review more than twice on the same story). Nobody likes a repeat reviewer. Stop it.
| Alice Danielle chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
OK, so first of all: Thank you so much for your reviews on my insanely old (and in my opinion, but apparently not yours, thank you) and crappy story. :D
Second: It seems that many people here are being mean to you in their reviews, and I'd like to help you a bit. And I'm going to try to be nice about it.
I wouldn't put the whole story in one paragraph, because it is VERY confusing to the people reading it, and becomes sort of a headache-causer. When reading paragraphs, the brain doesn't pause as much between words, and this causes a lot of this to run together- therefore, half of the content is skipped over by the brain, confusing everyone.
When a new person talks, ALWAYS click the enter key. It's a rule; you have to if you're gonna write.
When starting a generally new idea, it's also good to go to the next paragraph, so the two don't run together.
Also:: If you're going to write, please write. In other words, don't just say actions and words, describe the actions with adjectives, and explain what is happening. Some ways to do this are to explain the people's expressions, emotions, and of course, how they say things. Before one character says that another character is crying, you might want to say something like, "While talking, Bella began to cry. Edward observed this with sadness, and pointed out tearfully, 'Bella, you're crying.'"
Also, you might want to add some mopre commas, semicolons, colons, or dashes- Anything to separate the mass of words you have put in one sentence. Reading so many words without anything to punctuate and add realness to them will cause the reader to get confused and reach for a container of tylenol. (AKA: what I ha to do after reading this. So sorry)
Run-on sentences are another thing you should REALLY try to avoid. No one likes run-on sentences, unless you make them make sense and add punctuation. Even then, of course, it would have to be fitting in the story and have purpose. So use more periods, which includes punctation, I guess.
Basic grammar is also something you should be careful of when writing/posting on fanfiction. Things such as the incorrect use of the two words your and you're can be seen in YOUR (not you're) writing, and people do NOT take too kindly to such mistakes.
This, unfortunately, is only the beginning of things you need to learn before you start writing, and, in my opinion, is why you should take this down before people start hating even more. I only hope you read and consider this and take it as constructive criticism (which it is) instead of angry hate. Thank you so much!
Trust me, if this wasn't worth changing what I've told you to change (it bothers me immensely) than I would not have taken the time to type all of this.
| Queen Omaha Nebraska chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
Do you know what an ENTER key is? Cause it appears you don't. Close down this sh/i/t fic, now. You are a disgrace to the world. And the world hates you. Well, I do.
Have a wonderful f/u/c/k/i/n/g day
| Don't Talk Shit About Total chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
ENTER/RETURN KEY Ever hear of it?
Well I can tell you haven't because I can't read this shit you call a fanfic. Figures this would come from someone who can only review "Loved it" on a shitfic. You have no taste and no talent. Fix your return key then come back with what you like to call a sad sad sad attempt at a fic.
Don't Talk Shit About Total
The Flame Union
| Merina 2 chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Please use grammar and spelling a bit more and i might be impressed.
| TsukiyoTenshi chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
I need 2 tell u something, and sending a review 2 tell u is the 1st thing i thought of.
did u get a review or some sort of message from a person called "Lassitude"? It seems that she/he has been writing mean and rude things to a few authors on Fanfiction, if not more.
My best friend "sierraphantom" wrote a story called "Switching the Ghost and Cat" and "Lassitude sent a mean review to her.
Go 2 this "Lassitude's" page and you'll see something that she wrote about u a few others.
And if u scroll 2 the bottom of the page, u'll see that she typed up the private message i sent her after he/she sent that review to my best friend, "sierraphantom".
If u wonder about why I wrote what I wrote it is because, "sierraphantom" is my best friend, and all the other friends i've had always turned on me and left me.
I stuck up for my friend! Is there something wrong about that?
Please, if u want 2 respond to what I have sent 2 u, go to my page on Fanfiction, and place a review on any of the chapters of my Shugo Chara story.
If I recieve a review, I will send an anonymous review under the name of "Moonlight" (that's the name I use for anonymous reviews.
| Lassitude chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
You have been provided with a spell-checker. Please use it.
You have been provided with education of the English language. Please us it.
You have been provided with a brain. Please use it.
| Inkfire chapter 1 . 3/7/2009
Hey, but you managed! Is the chapter finished? It seems to end a bit weirdly... Oh, yes, I'd love to help you! I can give you pieces of advice, but I surely won't be able to do much more but anyway it's better, because it's your story Did you mean just give you quick pieces of advice, and maybe for the whole posting thing too, or more? Anyway, I'd LOVE to help you! (as much as Ican ) Especially for a Victoria/James story! The story seems quite interesting, as far as I can tell for the little you posted. Some things that disturbed me when I was reading: first, please choose a way to tell the story and stick to it! You ended up saying "They arrive at the Cullen's house and we walk in.". Who's we and who's they? If you change the pov, it would be fairer for the readers to be notified, so they won't be too lost. If it's just a lack of attention, hey, take care! Besides, the only thing I didn't like was your way of saying "..." Bella said to Edward, "..." Edward said to Bella, "..." Bella said to Edward, "..." Edward said to Bella... That is a bit tiring, and I hope you know another verb but "to say"! To answer, to tell, to reply...? I don't want to end up firing and to seem mean to you at all, I just try to see things clearly. Your story seems good and it would be too bad to mess it up or lose readers because of a few annoying defaults. Wouldn't it? So, I hope I helped you a bit and let me know what you think of my advices. If there are mistakes in this mail, don't be surprised, I'm French and writing very fast to end this reveiw before leaving my computer. Good luck for the rest of your story! XOXOX