|Reviews for GUILTY|
| vapanalley chapter 1 . 7/23/2009
You are over punctuating. A lot. The excessive use of periods is unnecessary and in the very first two or three lines there is a problem already. I didn't read farther than that. It would have been pointless.
('... T-This... might feel good... The sweet and warm feeling of those rotting blood... On my hand... It felt so good...!'The male thought ect.)
Using quotation marks during a thought process is a no-no.
When you wrote "might feel good" that wasn't very bright because obviously he was totally feeling good.
"those rotting blood" Blood is a liquid and does not /rot/ like flesh.
In "It felt so good" the guy is talking about what exactly? "The male" unless you're referring to a subspecies of humans, then you can refer to "him" as a man.
By the way, the K rating is too low if you're going to attempt to write gore.
Try rereading your own writing for editing purposes, please.
Have a nice day. C:
| kmbloomy chapter 1 . 3/6/2009
hmm...no offense but I'm not quiet sure what to think of this. again, no offense but there are quiet a few spelling and grammer mistakes, but even i have those. it was an interesting story that kept me reading.