|Reviews for A Mother In Law's Love|
| X-elemental chapter 7 . 4/2/2012
Well, this was quite a piece...
Drat. I really, really should have seen the bad press coming.
And seems like I'm not the only one that doesn't understand what there's to forgive. However, what happened to LUNA!
And oh Harry, managing to woo even Kreacher with dinner date.
The Ch1 scene suddenly makes so much more sense, but...Having your surrogate mom/mother-in-law and your former lover jerk you off, while inside your head?
Well, Arthur was gotten through love potions. And it is more normal than masturbating with your sworn enemy, for relative values of normal.
Fighting is well done, however, though a bit cheesy. The usage of pool was truly brilliant. And I also don't see why would Tommies suddenly call Harry big guy nor why would any of their evil be erased. Given that it's from Harry's POV, I'm gonna call unreliable narrator :p.
And nukes aren't that small, too...km-wide crater is more on the scale of conventional explosives. But it would cause uproar nevertheless D. But again, what's it with surviving explosions point-blank? They're breaking the sound barrier lot of times, and he can whisper?
Still, Tom's got one of the better deals at immortality - at least he's never very bored.
CH6: I'm ...reminded...that jokes aside, there's a reason why girls give bjs.
Tom ain't exactly wrong here with his interests. After all, if it was done to Tommi it could happen to him too, right? Bye, bye, Voldemort would that be. By an underage witch too. Guess there's something to this 'do not insert into living beings'.
And Colin, bless his kinky soul, has his way with words of hurt. "Don't tell your gf constantly and at every opportunity that you're imaging his ex when you're banging her" seems to have missed his ears. Or maybe he hopes that Ginny wouldn't care. After all, women are incomprehensible.
Oh yeah, kind of predictable too. Hormones, please, but learn from mistakes perhaps?
I, spy, with my little i, a touhou shoutout.
The fight...was okay. Fiendfyre being compared to Patronus is nice and makes sense, but it came across as more...story than anything speedy. Maybe try present tense more?
Oh, and Harry merging with Tom seems to be last step on his long line down the slope...
Destroyed the world/risked it
Merged with/let free dangerous dark lord
Cheated on his love
Utterly selfish, expecting everyone to spin around him and love him(Almost completely right, though). Love's nowhere near equal, even if Ginny hardly was that last time either.
Yeah, given the amount of mental lowering he has to do, Ginny is only better than Gabrielle due being less horny and sharing a soul-bond. Still, not only is he older but he is more likely to grow bored as well given that he lived so long together with here before, and now...
As expected from DLP writer. This borders dangerously close to Boring Invincible Hero, though, which the earlier fic avoided.
The kitchen scene...was okay, though both outcomes were clearly visible. And stretching the suspension of disbelief. Though reading this fic altogether, it makes one kinda wonder what the Weasleys get up to at their house. Given the previous/later stuff, I was be kinda expecting Arthur going down on Ginny in Molly's body in ch7. Again, the wizarding society, at some times seems kind of barmy. But with their mind arts/polyjuice and magic's general power in helping life it is a surprise they're so well-adjusted(though what would happen if one would poly a vampire, I wonder...)
Ron and Hermy, well, they're pissed off for a reason, but hey, at least Harry brought something good back so overall it is better, right?
And Harry being any good, given Ch7, is rather doubtful now on the recheck:p. In hindsight, probably he was quite bad.
The difference between magic artifacts, and single-spell-masteryy craft is rather jarring here as it was in rowling's books. A potion would have worked better tbh, and having no mention how one would learn Gaelic so shortly is a bit hand-waving away devices of great power as well - why, if everyone can learn all languages is there still multiple wizarding countries with their own?
However, problems happening seemed okay, but given how they're only setbacks it seems okay - to Harry. The most important seems to be lack of change with other people - after all, later on doesn't get enough mention about lack of Molly, too. There was so great a fuss before with burning the food, so what happens with Molly completely missing?
Not to mention the spinning of Molly's attitude towards Ginny/Harry and them doing it in general(although, given the reception in JK's books one can only conclude that Molly is overreacting).
Veela, Veela, staple of genre that are Veela. While I'm unsure about Bill/Fleur pairing, given Bill's lack of appearances, it is at least better than Harry/Fleur, from base, is.
Tom retracting into corner of Harry's mind didn't seem to be followed up on. Sure there was the problem in the ministry and later with Fawkes...WAAIT A MINUTE HERE. Tom swore on his magic that he wouldn't try to take over Harry's body, yet he tries it in Ch7. Or would it be Tommi taking over Harry's body? Given the torture it seems rather unlikely, as he could be...punished in retrospect for that.
Harry wanting to kill Creevey with Dark Mark - another note on the fall to darkness:p.
I also need to check back if Harry was affected by Veela in book 4, but it is truly minor detail I suppose.
The thing with the Delacours...With the way the fic was going, I'm rather surprised they didn't try to set him up with Gabrielle. Of course, jealously, seen later, may be a bit huge with Veela, but still, unexpected. On the other hand, Apolliene was present when she jumped Harry(which, for one, was done most excellently. At first I thought -Fred & George - but they don't have invisibility cloak? - unless Harry has hyper-fast eyetracking - *snicker* how exactly do you let down horny Veela jumping you in the middle of crowd of people without getting hurt - ohwait this gets alotmoreintimatethanexpected - wait, is taking reducto to it deconstructing or enforcing? - Voiced stunning, sloppy, but surprise is done oh so well - Hm, Hermy's reaction is surprisingly ...tame...given that Gabrielle started crying). Tom could be more involved and off-the wall here, thee are more possibilities than insult and help).
The story itself is fridge horror, though, given that if that happened to me - and I'm reminded later that Gabrielle is, after all, a Veela - half-incubus half-firebird - with dexterity that I certainly couldn't pass, and no public decency. Certainly have rejected a girl over not understanding that...And oh...fuck, she wouldn't stop. No way in hell. And her allure/age would render me pretty much helpless from others as well. And after the event...*whimpers* The age line was very amusing though. Though I'm unsure, why would he be accused of having his wicked ways with one's little sister at the time.
Ron's outburst...Is well, reasoned. Colin's...Pitiful. But at least they're not boring n.n;
In retrospect, you should foreshadow Gabby sensing Harry through the bond better, as there certainly was a wasted chance(and, darn, offering critique is -difficult- without nitpicking on personal preference/falling into useless blabber).
Vising Veela bar from memories...Sorry, but seems too cliche - plus with their pedigree I doubt they couldn't rise higher fast.
I must finish this through reviewing here as I've ran out of battery, but some notes:
The start, actually, was well-put if a bit confusing. Draws one in.
Lupin mentioned for what he is is nice, but him being painted even more of a bastard than he already is is unnecessary. The man mopes around enough by himself.
The 3rd chapter interview was very well written. Avoided cliches, too:D.
Getting Voldie out of the way quickly-apparently - fit the genre well. There's enough that drag it out.
Order following Harry due Phoenix seems less likely - quite OOC in fact- than just leaving it.
Overall, very good humuor fic, there aren't much to more with it either. Good author .
| ironhair chapter 4 . 12/31/2011
An age line! Brilliant :p
silent warming charms on the coins. hahaha.
| ironhair chapter 3 . 12/31/2011
give the sucker some sorta break !
| ironhair chapter 2 . 12/31/2011
wtf... molly? HOW ?
| ironhair chapter 1 . 12/31/2011
lol... the tease !
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 7 . 10/27/2011
I'm not sure why I don't like this very much, but it kinda seems flat to me. I guess once I understood the premise that most of the humor became predictable.
I was hoping that you'd have at least an omake where Harry offs Molly (or tries to) instead of tolerating a soul bond with her. That would be a truly different take on the soul bond: how to plan the murder of someone you're soul bonded to without them finding out.
Another unique take on the soul bond: soul bond between Harry and Luna. Just how much sanity would Harry have left after being connected to that mind? Yes, she has it organized for her very unique way of thinking, but for anyone else it would be a very strange labyrinth.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 5 . 10/27/2011
Kreacher was told not to poison the breakfast, but he should also have been told to not ruin it with elf snot.
Molly and the spoiled scones joke fell flat for me. I guess I can't believe that in all the many years she's been cooking that she's never had a cooking disaster before. (Especially with the confusion and mayhem that normally takes place in that household.) And it's not like the whole breakfast was ruined.
Tommi the horcrux is a new one. Maybe Harry and Ginny could take a trip together to Kings Cross Station and leave a pair of bawling twins behind.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 4 . 10/27/2011
What a deliciously evil nickname for Ginny: Miss Bat Snot.
Good use for the age line.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 2 . 10/27/2011
Who knew phoenix pharts could be so phunny?
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 1 . 10/27/2011
I don't get a coherent picture from the first section of this chapter. The nude "goddess" before him has red hair like Ginny, and this would seem to be confirmed by Molly, but she is described as having a grip on her wand 50 years out of fashion and her breasts are apparently visible, yet Molly says "Harry, dear, please stop staring at my daughter's bum." Which side is he looking at? And "One of my companions wails loudly and I search out our Bond to share her feelings of loss" is also problematic because the companion is not otherwise identified and doesn't seem to be Ginny or Molly since it is a vague reference and both of them have already been identified in the scene. If either Ginny or Molly were the referent, he should be able to visually notice who was wailing. We aren't told anything further to identify the cause or perpetrator of the wail.
Ginny is apparently "the creature before me" but we have no idea why she has just committed an incendiary act (without upsetting Molly, who is easily set off by such actions normally), and her dialog is a total non sequitur; as is his asking "Are you alone in there?"; where is "in there?"; is he watching her naked in the bathroom? Why is she naked?
Ginny is identified as having a soul bond with Harry, but with the problematic previous "companions" statement we are still unsure if that is a sole soul bond or if there are others. We suddenly learn of an usurper that Ginny wants defeated, but again he/she is not identified.
Harry is then called upon to subdue a female malevolent spirit, not otherwise identified. Is this a real spirit? Apparently not because it fires an AK at Harry, and in Potterverse ghosts no longer have magic. Is this female malevolent spirit somehow possessing Ginny's body? It would seem to be the most 'reasonable' interpretation, but again Molly appears to be totally unconcerned by this.
The final non sequitur is the reference to a "practical lesson in inertia", which appears to actually refer to sensations he feels in the soul bond with Ginny.
Harry may be distracted by "her brown eyes", but the reader is distracted by all the non sequiturs and unidentifiable referents.
| Darth Marrs chapter 7 . 10/6/2011
Awesome beyond words. Hilarious from start to finish.
| excelsia chapter 7 . 9/9/2011
had fun reading this story :) though as a humorous story ... the chapters could've been a little smaller.
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/19/2011
I just got to say, WOW. I liked the story. I feel like it took me for a wild ride. It started off odd but then you surprised me with the very last chapter where you brought the first paragraphs back to make sense. The language and sexual innuendos kept me entertained. Good Work.
| 1sunfun chapter 7 . 7/29/2011
| wompwompwomp chapter 7 . 7/28/2011
Utterly bizarre. But you write a good Fawkes.
How's the sequel to Dagger and Rose going?