|Reviews for Persona 4: Simulacrum|
| JadeOokami chapter 23 . 11/12/2011
Okay, so, I just spent loads of time reading this. Or, at least, it felt like loads of time.
There were some things I didn't agree with and some things I loved. I definitely liked the pairing, since I (Surprisingly) like Rise a lot. I think my favorite character was Ryotaro though! His Shadow beat-down was just epic and amazing, and he's been a steady rock throughout the whole story. Nanako bothered me - both before she was 'herself', and even afterwards. Chie, Yosuke, and Teddy felt the most real to me. I was a little sad it took so long to get Kanji in there, haha. There were also several beautiful one-liners and brief comedy-relief moments that were very well placed and made me smile. And for a fairly dark story, you still managed to give it a happy ending, which I'm glad of.
My absolutely favorite parts were the few times you referenced P3. And Theo. I also liked Igor a lot. This whole take on a Heavenly political war definitely had me frowning, if only because of how used they were (But then, that was kind of the point of the story!). I admire their resolve and how they managed to get through it all. The fact their Persona's were taken away kind of sucked to me, but I was mollified by the open-ended things Ameterasu mentioned about them possibly coming back. I suppose I was rather (okay, definitely) disappointed that Ryotaro's Persona was the same as Shinjiro's, but that Shinji wasn't even referenced.
The ending was interesting, if rather foreboding. Overall, it was a nice way to pass the time and I enjoyed reading it! Thank you for writing it.
| fukuji mihoko chapter 11 . 9/3/2011
so it's still a rilly good story etc etc i haven't got much else to say XD
I'll have to keep reading it, but now I'm gonna go sleep.
I can't believe I've been reading this for like the past 4 hours XDD
| fukuji mihoko chapter 6 . 9/3/2011
This is a really, really good story _; I feel so hollow about what's happening to everybody, though, but at least Rise remembers :3
I couldn't think of 'Astrid' without my jumping to How to Train Your Dragon though XDDD;
I knew there was something funny about her...
Dream sequence really good, too o:
However, there was one really small, minor nitpicky thing I have to say... And I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive, given I lurk on fanficrants a lot and hear a lot of people complaining about insensitive wording that upsets them, but this line
'While he was secure enough in his masculinity for that not to bother him'
in relation to being gay kind of rubbed me up the wrong way; like it was implying gay men weren't really men...
I think I might be being oversensitive, and I'm not going to let a small thing like that ruin the story, but I think sexuality would be a better substitute for masculinity. It doesn't have as many unfortunate implications XD
| Kur0Kishi chapter 23 . 7/10/2011
I'm not sure how to describe this. On one hand its fast paced, full of action and descriptive. On the other hand, the tension among characters gets unbelievable to the point I find it annoying because you frequently use it as a plot device more then any other, the so called main character souji spends 23 chapters getting his ass kicked while wallowing in angst and self hate. The ending with throw god thing is pretty fresh though.
| Nouva17 chapter 8 . 6/19/2011
I bet you didn't expect you'd still be getting reviews but I just have to say how great your writing is. You know just how the characters would react and you describe it beautifully. As a fellow writer, I only wished I had as much talent as you do in writing. If you wrote a novel, then I would buy without a second thought.
| Starburstia chapter 23 . 4/17/2011
Hey you! Yes you! Have you heard about the Persona 4 anime?
Well, you deserve to. Weirdly, Souji's name is Yue Taka-something.
| Natzo chapter 23 . 3/31/2011
I loved the story. And while I would have loved to see humans beat gods with their powers, not another god's, I feel it worked great. The ending I loved, as in the end Amaterasu didn't won. I love those kind of silent defeats.
| Ganheim chapter 23 . 3/12/2011
She started to wipe her hand on her dress, but Yukiko took her wrist.
"No, like this." She wiped the back of Margaret's hand on Teddie's shirt. "We girls call that 'Return to Sender'."
Why do guys have to insult each other all the time?"
"It's a lot more masculine than saying, 'You're looking good today'," Taro said.
[Well, it is a comic diversion of sorts]
I will not underestimate them,
[“…because I am invincible!”]
Open mouth, insert foot, she thought.
[Hey, I think it’s a great Fic]
I still cant believe
they went through that puddle like it was water, right? The TVs are just like that."
"Um, the puddle is water," Yosuke said.
Chie smacked him on the shoulder.
You taught her?"
"Well, don't sound so surprised," Souji said.
"I'm not, I just – wow, I wish I'd thought of that years ago."
What he hell is
but with a long katana strapped to his waist
[I just wanted to point out that the legend of the Kusanagi no Tsurugi existed long before the katana; more likely the sword is a double-edged long sword and probably bronze. If it resembles the katana family of blades then it would most likely resemble the straight-edged predecessor: the chokutou]
Amaterasu, take me, not her."
[I notice that they all seem to be thinking that one’s got to go for the 2 to live, but all Amaterasu said was that they need an infusion. Why aren’t they just pooling everything they’ve got? Or, why hasn’t anybody else come up with this? The verbage seemed to clearly indicate a general level, not ‘from one other person’]
"How 'bout we not antagonize the goddess right now,"
[Yosuke’s a smart guy]
to be a the airport many times to I have
"Man, you'd get excited about going to the dry cleaners," Yosuke said.
"You mean we're going there too? Yyyeeesss!"
Very well done. I thought the plot flowed fairly well and the characters felt believable (in the case of those not really depicted in the games) or true to form for those that were. A few ‘bumps in the road’ when things may have been a tad contrived, but those were pleasantly few and far in between.
| Ganheim chapter 20 . 3/12/2011
There were no parlor tricks she could image that could fake such a thing,
[“Sufficiently advanced aliens” comes to mind, and while I’ve never seen it applied to the Persona series I know the idea of the superhuman events being in truth caused or simulated by (sadistic) aliens has been toyed with in various anime fandoms by other authors]
Naoto shook her head. "What you've said - that was how I felt a long time ago. I came to terms with it, and moved on."
Shadow Naoto shrugged and smiled. "Pity.
[I can’t think of a way more poignant or funny to reference this]
If everyone hallucinates the same thing, does that mean it's real?"
[This reminds me faintly of Shadow Teddie. I like the rhetoric]
I suppose you could say...this world brings out an echo of yourself when there's a part of you that you must face.
[That’s a very concise way of putting it]
that nearly killed Officer Shirogane just a short time ago
[I think you mean “Officer Satonaka”?]
"Son of a bitch! What the hell is that thing?"
"Her Persona," Yukiko said. "Shh, let her concentrate."
[Funny thing: the Imperial March just happened to start up as I read this]
"Whoa!" Rise said.
"Wow!" Nanako said.
"What?" Souji asked.
Taro's lost love had practically destroyed him, and, of anyone, that made his advice all the more worthwhile.
[I’d argue against that: personal relationships take lessons from others, but humans are too varied (a misanthropic would say “screwed up”) bunch for something like this to be truly likely]
His Memfly-induced personality
[Speaking of that, for everybody else the memflies were a separate apparition in the Shadow world – even Nanako. Why is his different? Naoto’s been possessed by her Shadow, I understand her, but Yosuke hasn’t had something to differentiate him from the ‘normal’. Unless I miss the patterns]
This other Souji stopped clapping and placed a finger at his chin, a self-satisfied smirk on his lips. He opened his eyes to reveal they were bright, glowing yellow.
[I’ve been waiting for something like this since P4 started]
Shadow Souji cleared his throat. Shadow Yosuke, apparently irritated at being interrupted in the middle of his diatribe, turned to him. "What?"
"Do you mind? I'm getting bored."
The Shadow strode easily back to his throne and sat.
[As simple an action as this is, it does a great job of still casting an intimidating appearance]
It had been a long time since Taro had had to take a commanding tone with anyone,
[Although he was gunning for a Diet seat, so he’s got the capability, and you handled it well here. Not too suddenly strong after years of self-inflicted misery, but not too close to his old despairing self]
"Why do you beat yourself up so much?"
[It’s fun. Everybody does it]
"Keep that mouth shut until I tell you to speak," Ryotaro said. "I mean it, Souji."
[I’m both surprised and not that Souji isn’t getting the “this is for your own good” that Ryotaro is trying to send. Well written]
What the hell am I, a parade?"
[He shouldn’t really be that surprised, but it’s still funny]
thought. he took
you do remember."
Ryotaro nodded. "Yeah."
Nanako smacked him hard on the arm several times. "Why didn't you say anything?
[Perfect time for a little comic relief]
"See, you really are a lot smarter than people say," Shadow Souji said with a smirk.
"Go to hell,"
The Shadow tilted his head and looked upward, as if considering it. Then, "Nah, not the kind of thing I had planned
[The cavalier manner is strangely fitting, despite the incongruity with some of the emotional undertone]
She didn't understand why men wouldn't just cry when they needed to.
[It IS allowed in some cultures – those tend to have far less incidents of heart attacks and stress-related illnesses. Pity for the emotional-shell cultures]
"We – each interpret our commandments in our own way. This is no longer a mortal affair
[And the rules of the game have changed…]
This things a big
He didn't give up on us. Ever."
[Except for that part with his shadow…]
Teddie stopped laughing. "So, why was that funny?"
Don't be passive about it, just go for it."
"How old are you again?"
[This conversation between Nanako and Rise IS strange]
"Isn't that the fox from the Shrine
[I was wondering if it was going to show]
and helped us keep our strength up on the days it seemed like we were there forever."
[Felt the same to me, but I relied on Judgement. I’m a cheap player, and the fox charged too much]
She moved quickly toward the door, Yosuke behind her with his knives in hand.
"Is that some strange ritual for greeting people?" Margaret said. "Arming yourself and creeping toward the door?"
[Given the frequency, it’s becoming one]
They go any sake
We'll need it I'm sure
He skulked toward the living room
[sulked? Either works, I guess, I just don’t think that “skulk” is the best fit]
Inside the first thing
she won't let anything get in the way of what she knows she needs to do."
"Yeah," Ryotaro said, nodding. "That's what I'm afraid of."
[Good way to section-break]
It was to escaped from him
more painkiller though
[“painkillers”, I think]
He ate a piece, made a brief face in disgust, and then took another bite.
[“This has produced an emotional reaction”]
"Uh, have you ever driven before?" Taro asked.
"No, but how difficult can it be?"
[That was expected, and yet somehow still “out of left field”]
"Ugh, don't encourage him," Yosuke said.
"Too late!" Teddie said. "I'm all encouraged now!
When did that happen again?"
"In another thread of existence
[New Game Plus?]
I though I was kinda
I'm still thinking she's kinda crazy. No offense."
"Truly?" Margaret said. "Would not one usually take offense at such a statement?"
"Everyone choose a lap partner," she said. After a heartbeat, "That – didn't quite sound like I meant it."
[Poor Naoto. Or not]
what the hell was that?"
"Part of the long story," Naoto said.
There's barely enough left anymore to even classify as a zephyr."
[Wouldn’t have thought to liken a healing spirit to a breeze]
sprouted from its head and its skin changes
Today expect clouds and excessive grayness, with a 100 percent chance of destruction."
Naoto helped Kanji slid
security officer trying guard
or else he might taste the punch she felt moving down her arm toward her fist.
[“Must control fist of death…”]
tell his eyes were still under his eyelids
[That’s usually where eyes are. Unless you meant they were still _moving_]
even is own Shadow
in just be a few
irritated at Yukiko's gall in asking these questions as if she deserved an answer.
[Wouldn’t she, as one of his friends? No real evidence has ever actually been presented to indicate that Yukiko’s marriage was anything other than Loki’s twisting to make Souji despair]
I was trying to – help lighten the mood."
"Try again," Yosuke muttered.
"Well, I suppose I could try a joke. Two men enter a restaurant..."
[The character archetype always seems funny. Can’t remember if there’s a title for the role, though]
The man who will bring about the end of the world through his manipulations.
[With more than a few points in the past, Naoto recalls that Souji’s no master strategist, and it feels like something’s missing with none of that noted hence]
Had someone murdered Genghis Khan or Hitler as children, knowing the monsters they would become, to everyone else it would have been the murder of a child
[Hey, it’s the premise of Command & Conquer: Red Alert, and Einstein got away with it]
for an instantthat
into the the dark
get by on your own."
[As this is an invitation, what about the question mark?]
She'd heard that even the smallest towns in the U.S. had home pizza delivery,
[Franchise places often do, but the restaurants that you REALLY want to eat at never deliver – I’ve never seen it once, across two continents]
Something better than they serve in a hospital cafeteria." She noticed a uniformed cafeteria worker at an adjacent table giving her the evil eye
[Pity with hospital cooking is that, due to the physiological vulnerability of the people you may be serving to, you’re FORCED to drop to the lowest common denominator. No spicing because it might cause allergies or reactions, no stopping when the stew’s pleasant until it’s melded into something more like paste in taste and texture]
all to familiar to him
When one chooses an action they believe is correct, but is based on incorrect information, the person may have taken the wrong act. But did that person act wrongly?"
[An interesting premise, and I like how you write this story around that premise, at least in parts. Of course, it’s not over yet]
Early reports state she was angry with her teachers when they gave her detention for speaking out of turn in class,
[That’s so corny it’s funny]
I am the one who wants to save humanity from its own self destructive path
[Always an interesting villain]
was to fall especially
Unlike Loki, my brother is subtle and smart
[Most of what I’d read indicated that Susano-o was tempermental. Then again, one of Oda Nobunaga’s first actions in the courts was essentially throwing a temper tantrum, and he quite nearly united all of Japan]
My real form would be...incomprehensible to you."
[Reminds me of a similar gag. “My true name would be unpronounceable to you. You may call me ‘fluffy’.”]
| Ganheim chapter 10 . 3/12/2011
back of is mind
about the dangers faced even by a small rural town
[“even” doesn’t seem to be necessary]
but they seemed as cultureless as the Shadows he'd fought so long ago.
[The hypocrisy here is amusing. If they don’t like his culture, they don’t have culture of their own? Still, it’s not a rare sentiment]
explore it a far as they could walk
[it as far?]
he sometimes though he deserved.
The stinging lingered in the area. This isn't a dream,
[People can still feel pain in dreams]
Nanako had been too young to have a Shadow self when she'd been sent into the TV
[Personally, I think that’s a lame explanation. Shadows from from emotional turmoil, Nanako was torn both from her dead mother and often-absent father. The reason she didn’t manifest a Shadow, I think, is because it was overridden by Namatame]
Maybe, though, these things would give him the strength of heart to cut through the new, invisible fog that seemed to live inside his friends' minds
[Or, an even more eerie possibility: in his own mind. If all of his memory of Inaba is false, what might the truth be?]
you wound me! Pray my blood spilleth not into thine bowl!"
"Might improve the taste!" Yosuke continued
[The banter isn’t something I’d have expected, but it seems fitting to the environment]
her right perilously close to her holstered sidearm.
[I’d think she’d have it resting on her club, but sidearms aren’t extremely uncommon in full officers in Japan – more than Britain, less than America, from what I saw]
Faith worked a lot like that. So did self-deception.
[Oooh, I like that one]
to see the Velvet Room fade to black completely, with only Igor visible as if he were his own light source
[A common effect, but succinctly put here]
Was Inaba some kind of spiritual nexus?
[Why not? 12 November 1955 is the temporal junction point of the entire space-time continuum]
But Souji never had to face himself like they did. Izanami had directly given him the ability to summon Personas,
[Maybe he has to face himself? I’m glad to see that other writers have the same curiosity at the fact that Souji never actually faces himself]
Maybe I just need to dye it black and get it over with.
[His eyebrows wouldn’t fit, then. I’ve seen palate-swaps on character models enough to know it’s easy to miss (I assume as much in real life as programming) and funny when you see the mistaken result]
right he figured he was most likely to get them from the vilest person he'd ever known. He hopped on the first bus to Junes, which would bring him within a block of the Inaba police station.
[Although Adachi would likely be in a distant prison]
and a decent selection of DVDs, back when people still used DVDs.
[As a bit of a historian, I find little quips like this funny. For all their heyday, they’re fading just like many other niche technologies. “Guess I’ll have to buy the White Album again”]
gave him a symathetic
used is own common
manipulated ether Namatame
He didn't have a Persona that I know of,
[I know it wasn’t like the others, but wouldn’t Kuno no Sagiri count?]
the newer article
The Aeon Arcana, he thought. That was one he'd never heard of.
[I wasn’t expecting that, though I’d think that sooner or later multiple people would have to be associated with the same arcana – there are too many people in the world, and the game handles the spread as a gameplay mechanic instead of strictly realistic portrayal]
and also partly because she didn't want to risk being dubbed a "damsel in distress" when her career was still in its tender toddlerhood.
[So true to the personality type]
Based on what she'd just heard, though, this Souji Seta was a truly dangerous individual.
[Well…the Prince of Lies…]
so must have been pretty late
[he must have been up?]
If we intervene to the fullest extent of our powers every time something on Earth doesn't go exactly according to our wishes, we are no longer gods
[They become Vorlons?]
same things he had experiences
She's not mean like that."
[Actually, I think she IS. She just has to feel prodded, and the unnamed agitant also prodding Naoto and Nanako is probably what did so. I think it’s just a tad strange that _everyone_ is “out to get Souji”, but it’s not being expressed in highly cliché terms so it doesn’t feel overworn]
stop him, an she
This was Naoto's investigation, and she wasn't yet ready to share.
[That’s certainly true to Naoto, and seemed to remain so even through her arc and S-Link. Not that her S-Link really developed anything not already dealt with in her story arc, in my opinion]
Won't we be drawing attention to ourselves, jumping into a TV?"
"We did it for most of a year without anybody catching on,"
[And I still find that funny. Oh well, suspense of disbelief]
Remember how Izanami gave me my power to go into the TV? That was what unlocked my power to summon Personas."
[Could this be implication that Taro can use multiple personae?]
"So what are they?" Taro asked.
"Memory Flies?" Rise suggested.
[Strange, I didn’t think I’d see those here. I expected the ‘swarms’ to be misinterpreted manifestations of ‘a certain supernatural entity’]
to Souji's's right.
I – I feel...clear! Like everything's got meaning somehow. Is this how you felt when you...?"
[Although Souji affirms, I was actually hoping to see some question on the fact that Souji never really confronts himself. I think there’s a brief implication of the concern in the game (voiced by Yosuke), but that’s it. Oh well, maybe a different fic]
his evil-looking grin
[I think ‘maniacal’ would better fit Igor than “evil”]
It had been hard enough hiding the thing underneath his school uniform just when walking down the street.
[Given that it was the size of Junpei’s weapon(s), I still doubt that it could possibly be hidden on his person. That’s why I like how P3 just ignored where/how the weapons were stored, that and it allowed me to use a yari, which is probably my 2nd fav weapon of all history]
Personas don't work in the real world
[Fuuka summoned Lucia to protect Natsuki from Emperor/Empress and subsequently called it in the real world. I’m not sure if I’d take the rumors of Mitsuru casting Bufu on people in the real world. Granted, as close as they are it’s unlikely that Taro would be able to do anything without also interrupting the other]
Yosuke knew nothing of the Shadow World, and there was no way Teddie could even begin to explain it to him.
[Wait, wasn’t Yosuke messing with a screen earlier? I thought the implication was that, at least for the ‘team’, Yosuke replaced Souji for what couldn’t be erased (I assume for saving Yukiko and Kanji)]
"Nanako-chan, wait!" Rise started.
"No, let her," Souji said
[Ah, the memories of P4 Abridged. When do we get to them not saying anything but the Shadows breaking out anyway?]
"I think you're just pretending," Souji said.
"Can't hear you. Sleeping," Nanako said.
[Funny, and slightly sweet too given that they narrowly avoided killing lots of people in Inaba]
Downstairs Souji set
and place his other
Maybe if we'd had an adult with us, things might've been easier."
"You look so tired," Rise said.
[Given how much Rise was running around, using her Persona and getting beaten up (relatively), I’d think she would be quite nearly as exhausted as Souji]
Even Yosuke and Kanji, who were very good friends to her, had always seen her through Risette-colored glasses.
[I would argue against that for Kanji: he didn’t seem to care about her (at least at first, though they seemed to develop a friendship like many of the investigation team)]
She turned the store
Despite what one usually saw on television, such specific amnesia didn't come from a simple blow to the head.
[No laser-guided amnesia?]
It would do Inaba little good if Naoto Shirogane, ace detective, allowed her objectivity to fail due to a simple unfortunate neurological condition.
[This seems more arrogant than I’d have ever attributed to Naoto, but given the circumstances it’s understandable]
asking about he guy
"That's not...necessary," Ryotaro said, though his tone clearly indicated that he wouldn't mind it at all.
[Interesting dynamic painted, slightly different from the game but very close. I wonder when they’re going to deal with his “memflies”]
"What the hell makes you think it's a boyfriend?"
Then again, if she'd slept for days instead of hours, wouldn't they have taken her to the hospital?
[Never happened with Kanji, despite rescuing him on the first day]
remember the number one rule of spices."
Rise sighed. "Right, right: 'It's always easier to add more later than to try to take it back out.'"
[As a cook, I can definitely say that’s harder to learn with meats. Probably why I’m better in the breads and pastries, besides not having to worry about connective tissue]
"The twentieth," Souji added. "You slept all week."
Nanako gasped, but Rise slapped Souji on the arm. "You're terrible, Senpai!"
[I’d have done it]
| FirestormMk3 chapter 23 . 3/1/2011
Without question, the best Persona fanfiction I have ever read. You've done an incredible job telling your own story while keeping the characters true to their origins. This shows your understanding and respect for the established characters. Your references to both the rest of Persona canon (i.e. Philemon) and culture shows research and respect went into your work. Really, the only complaints I have are minor (such as while there are armed members of law enforcement in Japan, regular "beat cops" - like what you've made Chie to be - do not carry firearms). I loved that without actually resorting to the technique of a deus ex machina ending, the ending was still literally deus ex machina.
On that note, initially I felt like your decision to keep Souji and Naoto alive felt like a copout, but after some reflection, and reading the epilogue, I do not still believe that. I do wonder what your reason was for leaving Nanako with the power to awaken others was, but I find no problems with the story. The character drama, especially in the early chapters, was incredible.
Thank you for this fantastic return to one of my favorite stories, and I look forward to reading more from you soon.
| Ikasury chapter 23 . 1/24/2011
epic, truly epic, probably the best thing i have ever read up, not simply for the sheer size, but for the amount of detail, the level and layers of twists and turns in the plot reminiscent of an actual Shin Megami Tensei game... or movie... i love it, you truly payed attention to your cast and painted them unfathomably well...
i bow before such greatnesss *bows*
i honestly don't remember what brought me to find this, though i am glad of it, i don't normally look for anything under the P4 MC, since i'm nor very interested in his relationships, though i do think you've made a fan of him and Rise out of me... i much prefer Naoto and Kanji, which for a completely side relationship, i think you did the heartache very well... and any other sides of romance, there was true realism in them... i'm very glad to have read this... though it did take me awhile, hehe...
it has actually inspired me to go back to my 'word' and notebooks and start putting pen to paper, and fingers to keyboard, if only to write something again... its been awhile since i've had a real drive to do so... i know i could never right something of this magnitude, but i'm just glad to have the 'spark' rekindled, if just a bit...
btw, i can tell you are quite the MegaTen fan, i actually got most, if not all, the little references to other games... and to my deepest surprise, Movie... as in the original one, with Loki and computers and demons... have to say, weirdest death-scene ever... but i don't honestly think many know about it... 'tips my hat to you'
well, that'll be all for me... loved it, and hope to read others from you...
till next *salute-waves* Sayounara, Zephyran-san!
| Evolution chapter 3 . 1/3/2011
This is such an addicting story! In a good way D
| Evolution chapter 2 . 1/3/2011
I'm really liking this so far! This is a very interesting story indeed :)
| Evolution chapter 1 . 1/2/2011
Your use of details is awesome and the story sounds interesting. I can't wait to read the next chapters! Good job!