|Reviews for Survivor: Vampire Island|
| Metropolis Kid chapter 11 . 9/3/2009
Oh, you are so very, VERY evil to make me think that Integra was going to kiss that... thing (yes, he's been upgraded back to thing status now ;)). How could you do that to me? So, very, very evil of you... though not nearly as bad as if you'd actually gone through with it. LoL ;) I'm so very glad you didn't. Really, Alucard suits her better (heck, the 'Puppetman' from Fallout would suit her better than that thing). But Alucard works well. He's is the most canonical encouraged pair up for her after all... and one of the few Vampire/human relationships I can actually see working out and avoid the 'blue berry pie' issue. ;) Now, a brief word about the kiss itself... Okay, you know I'm not really one for that mushy-goo-goo stuff in fanfics, and I do think that you dragged that out a little bit too long. However, it's my favorite Hellsing pairing (and I'm still just SO happy that you didn't have Integra kissing that thing), so I won't bother complaining... this time. ;)
One last thing about the kiss though... “if her last wish is going to be satisfied, he’ll be damned if it will be done by anyone but him.” I think it might be slightly more fitting if you replace that “anyone but him” with “sparkly faker”- would be a little more in tune with Alucard's personality. But that's a small nit pick.
Now, on to the review proper:
The main plot is coming along well enough- interesting and entertaining, no complaints here... so far anyway. But I'm firm believer in the idea that “Life is in the details”, so lets talk about those instead- the little moments and ideas that make the characters seem alive and feel relatable. ;)
Haha. Just was quite funny- even if it did come from one of Edward's lines. It was just such a funny image. Poor, Integra, trying to get information from the two mind-readers, and Alucard basically just tells her that Probst is an idiot. So she turns to Edward... and all he does in confirm what Alucard said. “At first his thoughts seemed to be primarily on bacon.” I don't even care that that was an Edward line- it was funny enough to make up for that fact! :)
So, Seras is trying to subtly 'check out' their new camera man, and playing “hard to get”? And then... then she kiss him as part of a dare? Might you be planing on a pairing those two up? _~. Hm, While I'd rather see her with Alucard (except for the fact that you've got him with Integra- which I actually prefer slightly more anyway ;)) or Pip (who doesn't seem to be in this fic), I'm willing to give a SerasxLeon pairing a shot. We'll see where you take this and how you develop it.
Okay, I had face palm at Alice's comments about the Major's fashion sense- well, specifically I face palmed at Walter's reply. However, I was still smiling while doing it, so I guess those things kind of cancel each other out. Still, smart thinking by Jasper to turn the steer the conversation in another direction... even if it was just to the weather.
Integra's snoring and refusal to admit it was a nice little touch too- a way for you to... humanize (yes, in a world of vampires, you need to humanize the humans, right? :P) her a little without going OOC or out of canon. It's a small thing, but when you feel the need to humanize her, I think that's kind of thing to do. Once again, It's all in the details, right? ;)
Haha! I spotted the little Young Walter/Girly-card reference. While not really a big fan of the pairing, that was... innocent enough for my tastes and kind of funny- what with the “I learned some, erm, secrets about her, and things got rather…complicated.” comment. Also, nice to see you referencing more stuff from the Hellsing canon (the combat adventures of fourteen-year-old Walter an Girly-card, I mean).
And then another Edward being gay crack quickly follows. Another nice touch since it keeps one of your running gags going... and, of course, if any of the 'god guys' on that Island are to be poked fun at- using gay jokes -it's GOTTA be Mr Sparkles. LoL
Okay, I know I said I was done with the kiss... but this isn't technically about the kiss... That little exchange afterwards was my favorite part of this chapter. :D
“Alucard, that was entirely inappropriate.”
“There are many more inappropriate things I could do, if that’s what pleases you.”
“We’ll get back to this later,”
“I can’t wait,”
“Not like that... I meant in terms of your punishment.”
“Like I said-”
“Oh can it, Alucard!”
And again, :D That was a very nice (and IC) IxA exchange- even don't to the little punishment comments. Very nice. d(_)b – that's a thumbs up BTW.
I've already said this in a PM; but, once again, you did a good job with Alucard ripping the ghoul monkey apart. Nice, and bloody... just as it should've been. :)
That was kind of interesting with the Twilighters and the “Vampyroteuthis”. Haha! Leave it to THEM to get beaten by a bunch of fishies. :P Still, those squids were kind of neat. So neat, in fact, that I even tried copying, pasting and removing the spaces from your web address at the bottom of the page. Alas, it didn't work. :(
Um... I think maybe should should get rid of the vials of dirt from their homeland line- where the Hellsing vampires are trapped in the boat. Since they weren't mentioned at any previous point it just seems kind of odd. I mean you had Alucard in a boat once already, and I don't remember any mention of the vials. Maybe just cut that line out. Also, while the mention of Alucard's familiars is nice and the over a million statement is technically accurate, I think “millions” might be better- He has the power of millions of souls literally at his command. But this is a small nitpick.
So, anyway... VERY good chapter. Exciting, funny, interesting, with a few plot twists and quite IC (IMO). You did very well on this chapter. In fact, I think it's now my favorite one to date. :) And I'm really looking forward to the next.
Have a good day, and God bless.
PS. I doubt I need to tell you this, but... I'm voting for Edward. Mr Sparkles just has to go. ;)
| fallen monkey chapter 10 . 8/8/2009
As the Vampires prepare for war, so, it seems, do I in this world of reviews, as, for as infrequently as I post commentary, there's always one particular reviewer who fans my flames.
I won't name names (or pseudonyms, rather), but...
Problem 1 with one particular review: With the momentum this story has had from the getgo, every tale needs its time to slow down a bit, reflect, and recoup before charging forth again. It's like the making of a classic mix tape (to play it old school...there was nothing like stopping and starting a Memorex cassette tape to do this!) a la John Cusack's monologue in High Fidelity: You start on the upswing with an engaging tune, but those need to be balanced out with the slower, melancholic kind. And before it can get too sappy or depressing, ramp it back up with a feel-good beat. This is a marathon, not a sprint after all; in the Tour de France, the riders don't speed-race through the entire leg of their journey, instead alternating bursts of speed to maintain their positions. By Chapter 10, LiLa is entitled to a period of relative inactivity in these characters. If they rationalize themselves into paralysis, so what? They're smart, they think ahead based on a tremendous number of years of life-or should I say "undead"?-experience. Chapter 9 was actually titled as "The One You Won't See Coming." Well, neither did the characters expect this turn of events that has occurred in their story realm, and I think their inaction appropriately reflects their "What the F-" reactions. They've been thinking and strategizing and scheming to the brink this entire game, so when it becomes more than a mere televised competition with more at stake, they need to take more time with this, regroup. The Hellsing gang might know what they're facing, but this is new for the Cullens to wrap their brains around. I find it impossible how LiLa is supposed to maintain the "fun" and "joie de vive" of her previous chapters in the circumstances these characters now face, and she shouldn't have to steer clear of plotlines like this just to avoid the risk of losing such. She's keeping it dynamic, bringing in some heaviness to make that inevitable return to the joy she naturally infuses into her writing that much more euphoric for us, her readers (I personally still see it in the irreverent wit that persists: "It was a nice move, but the in-air flip was overkill," "Jeff grins with the satisfaction that comes with job security,"...Ha! You slay me, LiLa). You have to face adversity to truly appreciate the thrill of life when it's good. It's no different for life in story worlds. This is not the stuff of catering to the preferences of others; I suspect this is all part of an intelligently, intricately conceived plan that the head-strong lioness has already established regardless of what reviews and poll votes yield-that kitten has claws of her own.
| marora chapter 10 . 8/4/2009
Hmm... why does Alucard hate Rosalie so much? She seems more like she'd be a source of amusement rather than something to truly despise. I thought he only saved hatred for those who insulted Integra?
| MyHeartIsObsidian chapter 6 . 8/1/2009
First of all, when Seras awoke was a really touching moment *clutches heart*
Also one of my favorite quotes from this chapter:
“Pretty baby,” he murmurs quietly. “You deserve a name, don’t you? I think I shall call you...dinner.”
Alucard, the one and only XD
However, he is an real ass hole too:
“It’s exactly what you deserved, isn’t it?” he continues with a sneer. “A gang bang screw was all that you were really good for.”
But once again Rosalie shows her true strength:
“He’s playing a psychological game. But he doesn’t realize who he just fucked with.”
You are one of the elite writers
| MyHeartIsObsidian chapter 5 . 7/29/2009
Good day (for you i guess)
I loved the fight between Jasper and Edward :D
Sadly I dont have so much to say this time but I like the story so far
Have a good day
| MyHeartIsObsidian chapter 4 . 7/27/2009
Gosh... Rosalie sure knows how to twist things into her favor ;)
Jeez the dream-sequence was really funny although I didn't understand the "BURNT BURNT BURNT" -part
Quick acting by Alucard there, I almost thought Integra would become a baldy, good thing that didn't happen :o
Finally as a fine appetizer; Alucards comment, "that we would end up entombed together" _
| MyHeartIsObsidian chapter 3 . 7/26/2009
I really like to hear Alucards thoughts. As he is seen as an deranged killer by many I love those moments when you get to look under the shell that is Alucard.
God! What I laughed at the part when Alucard pull his prank on Rosalie and Emmett
And as a glorious finish; we have Bella cheering aloud at her opponents goal_
Once again, terrific work!
| MyHeartIsObsidian chapter 2 . 7/26/2009
J was wondering what that thing that pulled Bella down in the sand was?
Also, J am a bit partial but when Seras threw that puzzle piece up from the water... J cheered aloud
Miss Victoria is a fine character, J wish J could have met her in real life, sigh...
However, damn fine work! And stay healthy!
| EZB chapter 10 . 7/26/2009
This. Story. Is. Win.
I really can't wait now to see who next could be leaving the island. It's been narrowed down to (I believe) the most useful characters or most loved. But i get the feeling the cast of Hellsing is going to be soon facing a loss in their number. For the first time they now outnumber the cullens. GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!
It was too cool watching Leon trash and crash the scenery. 83 and he's the cameraman! LOL that's just him almost forgetting it!
I just can't wait to see the Major pull some more mean shit out of his ass. Now he's just pissing me more off than before. Gr...
And finally... Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for mentioning HSWC and calling it epic! :D I promise you the comeback will be this week!
Faithfully entertained and servant,
EZB (Bats Included)
| xanimefanx14x chapter 10 . 7/26/2009
omg really good chapter can't wait for the next one!
i was kinda hoping that the kinda cat-girl-guy thing that was on the Major's side in the Hellsing series was going to come out, but what did was way better... i don't remember the guy's name...
| bahleeeted chapter 10 . 7/25/2009
So, Bizarro John (MK) mentioned you had a new thing up but I didn't get an email. Hopefully this will fix it.
Chapter title: Woot, I remember that song. BTW, a circle is round and has no end; that's what it's like to be your friend!
Okay, who the heck is "the tiniest vampire"? Because I always thought Alice would be the small one, but she doesn't usually talk like that. *scratches head*
Ew Jeff. I almost vomited. High levels of pregnancy or higher levels of estrogen and progesterone that scene bad results! XD
Alucard would never say Holy Hell. He would just go O_o and grimace and jerk his hand away.
Is it time to vote Alucard off the island yet? But yeah, I think that's why I've lost my enthusiasm a bit.
But it's hypocritical for me to complain, since I've written fluffy happy fics and had the person die at the end. XD
| Tsuki no Rekuen chapter 10 . 7/24/2009
First I would like to thank you for the clearer re-vamp of chapter 9(though a mention of it before chapter 10 started as an A/N would of just suffice instead of having the changed part placed at the beginning. I don't mind going back and seeing what was changed while refreashing my memory.) and omg yay! I was totally thinking about this fic yesterday. 8D
Now I have to say EEW I almost wanted to throw up with that green puke bit, that was... *shudders* How do I love mounds of oozing blood yet flake at the site of puke I have no clue, but that, that made me wish Emmitt and the buff was there, I can't stand the thought of regurgitated bowel fluids *burps a little from the thought*
I do lul with the whole electric sand zombie bit but for some odd reason I had a tingling sensation after reading the zap... weird normally I'm not epithetic reading stories... huh...
YAY! Leon! (Never played the game but I do know who he is at least) I laughed at Rosalie's predicament that was humiliatingly funny. I'm sad to see her go, but it was between the ones I liked at the bottom, and no way was Walter leaving I love that old man. I know I said I might, but I care for him too much. I loved the part Alucard said to Walter about doing permanent damage to the Major, xD that was just funny.
So where’s the bun-nah? : I was kinda hoping it would appear sometime. I’m curious as to know of its un-dead status… is it a ghoul or is it a nosferabbit? XDD
There may have been some parts I might want to complain about but it’s not that major to voice out or they may have already been mentioned by other reviewers (Metropolis Kid and Geophf). But really in reality I over look these because this is your story, this is a fanfic, this story is what you want it to be, only borrowing characters from others and placing them on stage like marionettes; All waiting for the strings to move them into motion. Considering the circumstances I can’t perfectly expect all of my favorite characters to act just like they do in the mangas/OVA. I love how the fic is progressing, its one of the few fics I can really complain/beg to my parents before being kicked off to let me finish reading. If something seems too off I might mention it, but it really has to bother me to have me mention it.
On a side note, I’m sad to see all the other pixie-vamps get hurt but Edward, I know he has immunity but that’s just a bit ridiculous for him to have that kind of immunity. XD I may hate Major Montana Max, but at this moment he’s on my good side for not only having a chain saw (I just about wanted to laugh myself out of my chair) but also threatened ‘sweet’ Bella. Hm maybe as a fun Hung-Man sort of way every wrong move gets Bella or some other captive Cullen family member slowly but surly dismembered little by little. Well that might be going too far, but then again I have a sadistic streak for disliked characters. Lul
Still once more I can’t wait to see how things are ganna go! Keep up the good work!
Tsuki no Rekuen aka Tsuki Tamahoshi
| geophf chapter 10 . 7/24/2009
Dearest HTH LiLa,
Hm. Executive summary: where has the fun gone?
Problem 1: the introduction. Repeating, nearly verbatim the close of the last chapter? Um, why? Your author's note here already says there's a slight change to that chapter. I believe, then, that it is possible for your readers to select the previous chapter and reread it. Having an author's note AND a significant chunk of the previous chapter? Redundant.
Not only redundant, but it set me off balance: I kept reading the revision looking for a significant change. A significant change that fundamentally changed the direction of the story. I didn't see it.
I would have strongly recommended just having the author's note and the changes to chapter 9 _BE_ in chapter 9, and not here. As it is, it knocks the story off kilter before it even starts.
Good thing 1: Okay, I finally see alucarD doing something other than glowering. He gets shot at and blows up in a very Hellsingesque manner.
Question 1: [deleted; resolved missile question via PM]
Question 2: Um, who gave you an image of Rosalie uprooting a tree? MSR, ch "Tree Hugger". I'm feeling a bit quoted anonymously [rest of comment deleted].
Good thing 2: Authentic use of faux German.
Question 3: "Saint" Guinefort? "Here, Fido" gets a vampire all blown up? Shall we then take two palm fronds and cross them to neutralize alucarD for the rest of the story?
Certainly alucarD is finally more Hellsing, but standing there laughing is three quarters of the alucarD show, and the show's payoff is alucarD so utterly destroying the enemy that there isn't even much of a stain left for him to insult in very non-T-rated language [thanks to MotB for the education]. I feel that you opened the lid of Pandora's Box with alucarD but with "Saint" Guinefort's bones, you are trying to seal that lid back up tightly. Perhaps it's a good thing for your story, keeping alucarD on the short leash where all his invective is directed at Rosalie (who has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS IMPOTENCY in this story) but I find it odd that you make him more Hellsing here just to shove him back into a corner again.
But then again, alucarD unchained? "Then alucarD blows up half the planet. The End." Rather shortens the story, doesn't it? Which begs the question: what's the point of having him at all in this story if all he can do is wreck the story?
Now that all those are cleared up, the real issue is that this chapter felt like all the joie de vivre of the previous chapters had been drained from it. Why?
Justifications and Character (re)introduction.
It felt like this chapter wasn't a chapter at all. It felt like this chapter existed to establish set pieces and then to explain and to explain them to death. Who is the new good-lookin' missile-totin' character? Why didn't alucarD heal quickly? Why is Jeff back? What is a sand zombie? And all the while the Major talk-talk-talks.
You introduced concept after concept in this chapter, as you had done in previous chapters, yes, but here, what did the contestants do? Stand there. Stand there and take a missile or two. Stand there and take a bullet or few. Stand there and watch the g-d tube all chapter.
Why? Because anything by any of the characters that moved to derail your image of where the story should go was instantly countered by this or that justification. The characters hands were tied because they themselves tied them, because any action they did to move off the rail was instantly shot down by an endlessly explained contrivance.
What made this chapter so gray was that all the spontaneity of the previous chapters was absolutely beat down by every counter available in the book.
This chapter was by the book. It was a by-the-numbers chapter, and I could feel the characters crying in place as they piped up at the appropriate times to say and to do the appropriate things to make sure everything went according to the plan that THEY KNEW would neutralize them and any and every option they could take.
They played into the game that made them powerless, and the fun of the characters is their power.
I mean Jeff is explicitly reintroduced as "oh, he's harmless." A harmless zombie? A harmless zombie that is not automata. "Harmless zombie" I believe is a non sequitur, but "zombie with it's own personality" ... um, maybe you can call it something else? A zombie, by definition, _IS_ an automata ... wikipedia: "A zombie is a mythical creature that appears in folklore and popular culture typically as a reanimated corpse or a mindless human being."
Well, at any rate, he is now in very good company with harmless vampires playing by the rules of a chainsaw wielding Nazi.
And now, with the precedent of the previous chapter being rewritten in the current one, the buy-in for the reader in this one is harmed significantly. "Oh, this chapter, um, well, let's wait until the next chapter to see if she really meant all this ..." By revising the previous chapter in the current one, you set a precedent whereby the foundation of this chapter may be swept away in the next one. I think this is a harmful precedent to set in any story.
I was sad reading this chapter. Very sad. I know it was you who wrote this, but it hurt me to see the joy and fun that you apply to your works seemingly spilled into the sands like Jeff's phlegm. And, it seems like you used the committee approach to writing this chapter, so others told you to go so far, and no farther, like me with the missiles, so it seems like this chapter cannot be "fixed" to the beauty that permeated the previous chapters.
LiLa ... I don't know what to say.
Yes, I do. [yeah, right! geophf, ... at a loss for words? That'll be the day]
What I say is this: you've literally buried Rosalie in this chapter, but DO NOT bury YOU. Write something amazing and funny and serious and beautiful and heartbreaking.
And write it boldly. Don't fit and start it. Don't start up the chainsaw unless in the next sentence Bella is sliced-and-diced [yes, I just wrote that]. Don't have alucarD laugh maniacally unless his enemy in the next sentence is dog-sh*t (as per Hellsing canon).
And don't listen to others. Don't listen to me. Don't write a chapter that I want you to write. Don't write a chapter that the twilight crowd or the Hellsing crowd wants you to write.
Instead, write. Write a chapter that YOU want to write, unencumbered by fear of what others may think or feel. Write a LiLa chapter, LiLa.
Because nobody else can. Only you can do this. So do it. Don't write a chapter that makes me proud or leaves you a yummy review. Write a chapter that make YOU proud.
Because you have been doing that. Because ...
Your story rocks. And so do you. LiLa, you rock. So, LiLa, rock on, and rock the world with your next chapter.
| Haissan chapter 10 . 7/24/2009
Hello doll-face! I am considerably happy for this, but at the same time disappointed. You see, in the author's notes you spoiled a chunk of your surprise. I would suggest that you make crediting at the end of your story so as to keep the story appetizing. I.E. Leon Kennedy even being mentioned. as a matter of fact when ever you post an author's note in a story at the beginning say nothing about the story, rather say something about yourself. or address the audience regarding things not pertaining to the story. When you've finished that chapter and you want to acknowledge another authors do so then.
Its a little rough but I think it is highly important because I feel like I was told I was to be given cake and when I got it there were finger marks in the frosting with a long black butt-hair on it.
I've said the harsh things, but on to the good. Nice work on the holy object there. It seems to work quite well.
| Master of the Boot chapter 10 . 7/24/2009
Regardless of what some people are saying, this chapter was exactly my cup of tea.
First of all, I really enjoyed your redo of the meeting with the Major. You combined the best aspects of the orignal piece with the post Hellsing and the new version with Hellsing AU.
So yeah, this was actually a really great chapter. Given that you're not an action afficionado, you did a really good job with the action sequences and having Leon Kennedy fight as he does in the games. I love how Rosalie was hauling that tree on her back like a lumberjack, that was really funny. Also funny was when the sand spat out the tree like a toothpick.
Sand-Probst is awsome. He's just like the real Probst, but a few screws have come loose. Honeslty, that thing where he sucked the goo back up was grossly hilariosu. I laughed so hard when Rose fell down on the gob of crap that he spat up. Alucard, you devilish bastard, I love you.
The counting of the votes was awsome. I love how each vote had kind of those web things, you had alucarD (awsome for geophf) and Rosalie :( I love that sort of thing. It's so delightfully humorous.
I think that it's really magnificent how after that huge fight, Leon is now the new camera man. I'll have to thank EZB for asking you to fit him in.
So, is this chapter win or lose? Win, Win, WIN!
Thanks for reccomending my story.
Master of the Boot