Reviews for Survivor: Vampire Island
nocks chapter 6 . 5/15/2009
Firstly; yes, this story is quite great.

Secondly, don't you DARE to make any Rosalie-outwits-Alucard scenario of this. I won't say anything of a reverse-scenario, either - though Rosalie is a biatch, and so are all the Cullens...- but that would be REALISTIC.

Because, really, Alucard is a six-hundred something year old vampire, who has probably played more mind games in his life than a normal human has hairs on his/her head. Secondly, he is an actual monster, so, I don't think Rosalie can do anything to harm him.

And bloody hell, if you'll make some Integra/Edward love story out of this... Oh, NO! I'll die if you do! Seriously, it is the very most unrealistic pairing on Earth! Well, maybe not, but it's close!

Edward is the... the wimpy, abusive boyfriend-type (I dunno..), while Integra simply seems... Integra is Integra. She's too her to be falling in love with Edward! She'd be better off marrying Alexander Anderson, for heavens sakes!

Okay, I got carried away. But please; it's a good, great story, really, and you shouldn't ruin it with anything like that... Let Rosalie beat Alucard in a mind game, Seras and Alice become lovers, but please, allow Integra to retain her dignity. Please?

I hope my heartfelt plea was heard. *bow*
geophf chapter 6 . 5/15/2009
HTH LiLa (HTH means "Hey, there, Hottie," BTW (which means "By the way", BTW) (Yes, that's APE ("Another Parenthetical Expression" ... like this one, BTW, a TLA ("Three Letter Acronym") in fact),

... or should I say non-rube, Non-rube, NON-rube!


I know I'm banned from this site and all (not really), but that geas was only in effect so long as MSR wasn't done.

Well, since Rosalie abandoned Bella in the forest to die after torturing her, ... well, that story is as good as done. No way to write my way out of that one, unless Rosalie finds it in her heart to, well, ... not to pity the girl, but ...

But, then again, Rosalie is a heartless b ... well, you know what I mean, least ways that's what everybody thinks about her, isn't it, so it would be almost unthinkable, almost impossible, for Rosalie to come back, now, wouldn't it?

So, MSR is over for all intents and purposes, so I'm not going to talk about it at all in this review, and I get to review this story now, one of my favorite pieces of fan-fiction. See? Everything's okay now, geddit?


Okay? Okay!


I love this story, alright? So, you win again, okay? 10 points for you. But you know what one of my favorite parts of this story is? Your love notes to your fans as author notes. I love how you tell a joke where you're the only one who's laughing in the crowd, and then you get all Bella-red-faced (poor Bella freezing in the forest cabin! ... but I'm not talking about that) and you're forced to explain the joke, getting redder and redder and everybody's just staring at you and saying things like, "mkay?" and wondering what the phone number to Belleview insane asylum is or should they just dial 911.

I love my Da, ... really! But when he tells a joke and he bursts out laughing, and nobody else does, I just really can't help but repeat to him the words of wisdom he told me these 30 years ago: "Son, YOU tell the joke, if WE think it's funny THEN we'll laugh. YOU don't laugh at your own joke, got it?" You kind of remind me of my Da that way, even though you're only nineteen and I'm like older than you and all your fans combined, statistically speaking. ... and I'm a guy writing fan fiction, even though that's impossible, statistically speaking, and even though I'm not talking about me here at all (but what other topic is there to talk about for a guy?)

So, yeah, I love that. You got me at Hello (or at the opening author's note, but that's the same thing, right? Macht nichts).

Then at the very very end you call some poor innocent fan named EZB "Ernie Z. B*ttl*ck*r" and then say "cheeky" to the poor soul. Cheeky-B*ttl*ck*r ... geddit? How many people got that? Anybody? But your humour is so far above that you don't care if it's easy for us to get or not, you're just going to put it out there and make us work for it, having to read every single word of your opus, because if we miss one single word, we miss so much more in that word than, like, we'd miss in seventeen chapters of any other piece of fan-fiction.

Well, in most other pieces of fan fiction, but why compare the dross to the shining gold that are your stories?

Yes, why, indeed!

Hokay: I've covered the beginning and I've covered the end, so, like, I'm covered, right?

What you wish for me to cover the story proper? You wish for me to do the middle, too?

Gah! You don't want much, eh? You just want more!

(And please don't start turning your dirty little mind over the phrase "you wish for me to do the middle," mkay? What I meant is "to review the story," that's all! Jeez! And when I hit the button "Submit Feedback" that's all I'm doing, okay? Doing as in "submittin-..."

Oh, Come On, LiLa! JEEZ!)

re: Alice's involuntary, um, well, she was there and Seras was there and ...

See? I TOLD YOU that when Edward got all gaie with Jazz that Alice would go "shopping." TOLD YOU! I thought she would go for that vulnerable girl with the big (former) brown eyes, but since Seras was RIGHT THERE and ...


re: liver ... wurst

So, where's the chianti and the fava beans? Or "is that pâté, or you just happy to feed me? ... I meant 'see me'!"

re: "Rosalie and Alice jump up and “Squee!” at the exact same moment ... because they saw Bella standing, all alone, looking vulnerable and ..."

Waitaminit! I thought Bella was kicked off ... or were those grrl vamps _hungry_ ... but not for blood?

re: "Integra’s eyelids scrunch at the sudden light and she cracks her eyelids, peering into the harsh brightness. Her hand fumbles around next to her and she pulls up a pair of round spectacles and jams them onto her face. The light reflects off them, turning them into two, blinding white orbs as she stands up."

Very visual. Very stylistic. Very Hellsing. You've captured the "look" with your words perfectly.

re: "“Pretty baby,” he murmurs quietly. “You deserve a name, don’t you? I think I shall call you...dinner.”"

I cannot believe you have the fortitude to write that passage. But, then again, I have a sponge-cake heart ("pusong mumon") that breaks when I read "Midas" to my daughters (They love that: "Papa, read us 'King Midas'!" They love watching their father cry). It killed me to write the chapter I just wrote that I'm not talking about here; it killed me to write about Anne Hansen and her baby, Esmé's one mistake; and I absolutely refuse to read Palahniuk's Lullaby, even though it is one of his finest works, because, hm, baby dying, that's a thought I don't wish to entertain when I look into our next child's eyes.

re: "Rosalie plasters on a sticky sweet smile and coaxes, “C’mon…no need to be shy – we’re all girls here.”"

Ooh! I wish ... dammit not talking about it! ... but I wish I could just steal that line! Squee! ("Squee!"? What's that?)

re: Edward listening to Wagner.

Puh-lease! Edward listening to Wagner? That maudlin, bombastic, overwrought spinner of the world's worst soap opera ("Der Ring des Nibelungen")? Jeez! Next you're going to portray Edward as a sulking moody brute listening to romantic dreck like Debussy and chasing after a clueless teeny-bopper that he can push around, for cryin' out loud.

Oh, wait. Been there, done that.

Well, and here's the other thing! ExB FTW fo-evah! Edward 3 Bella because of her luscious scent, her glorious heartbeat, her human warmth, her delicate and smooth skin, her unique blush! They could never be parted because of those things he loves about her!

Oh, wait. Bella's a vampire now, she doesn't have any of those things. Sir Integra does.

Oh, ohohoh! Oh! ExSirI FTW win!

Plus Edward is so gaie: I mean, c'mon! His all prissy and hissy and catty and dresses really well. "Metro"sexual. Yes, but why stop there? Especially with the special moment he shared with Jasper in the last chapter. So ExSirI doesn't work, ExJ is always a very good back-up.

But that leaves poor, poor Bella all alone, again, just like she was left in a forest cabin in the ... oops, not talking about that.

So, anyway, now that AxSeras, and Rose was just lovin' on that "Alice, stop that! You're making me hot!" moment, and Bella's standing there, not crying now because she can't, and since Rensesmee likes Rosalie so much, and since ...

Um, who needs more reasons that that? BxRose FTW! See, I knew your story was going that way!

re: Alucard and not-x Rose.

Um, ignore everything I said up to now, and hear me now. I hate you.

Yes, you warned me that I did. not. want. to. read. this. part. And you told me not to read your chappie and not leave a review, and then sent me, like, 27 PMs telling me I'd better not leave you a review, and like asking me to make sure I understood I shouldn't leave you a review, and telling me that I was not allowed to read this chapter.

So, of course, did I not throw you in the briar patch? Did I not punch that tar baby?

And so I read that part.

So, I just need to know one thing. Alucard's current location. That's all. I can figure out the rest. Just give me Alucard's current location. I'll take care of everything. I'll even give Rose a few special moments alone with him after I've softened him up sufficiently, but that's all I need to know.

Oh, and one more thing, I need a sufficiently sincere letter of apology to Rosalie from you, signed, notarized and sealed. If you're brave you can hand-deliver it to her. If not, give it to me for me to pass on to her.

That's all.

And no, that huggy time between Bella and Rosalie afterward was not sufficient to make up for the the damage done.

And I need some 'medizin' to decompress from the anguish that caused me.


And you put that at the end of the chappie, so I have to deal with that image until the next "oh, we're all friends so everything's okay" chapter comes out.

Did I say 'meanie' already?

So, to summarize? fav-story, fav-author, subscribed-story, subscribed-author. U.R. Awesomer, and all that.

cheers, geophf

P.S.: Thank you for mentioning Fairfax and marissasbunny-dot-com in your post script. Their family is before a national review board right now, so they need all the good thoughts, prayers and help that they can get.
Thy Bird of Hermes chapter 6 . 5/13/2009
Jeeze that was cold!
Metropolis Kid chapter 6 . 5/13/2009
Oh goody, a new chapter. :) Seems like not very many people have been writing lately. :( Except for SystemAurora... but she's been on a WxS kick lately. Yuck! That is one of the very few Hellsing pairings I can't stand. So anyway, I was very glad to see an update for this fic. :) Well, on with the review:

First off, I liked the way you described everyone waking up. Integra demands an explanation for why she's being disturbed. Walter's brain takes a few extra seconds to 'catch up' (makes sense given his age). Alucard straightens his cravat and is ready to go. And Seras wakes up like a cute little kitten, giving everyone (including your readers) a nice little 'aw' moment. :D

Haha! Sir Integra gets her nutty bars after all. :) I should've known it would happen. Integra ALWAYS gets what she wants. LoL And liverwurst for the win in Walter's sandwich. ;)

I also got a kick out of the 'feeding' animals part, so glad you didn't have Seras rushing to the slaughter like all the other vampires. She's not like that. ;) And it was nice to see her free the poor little bunny. I'll be voting that it turns into a vampire and thinks of her (though Alucard would be more likely) as it's 'master'. :) (On a side note, the saliva produced by Hellsing vampires is antiseptic and seals wounds. So, since Seras licked the wound, rather then sinking in her fangs, there's no reason that the little creature should bleed to death.) Oh, and if it does become a vampire, keep in mind that, in Hellsing, vampires can only 'turn' virgins of the opposite sex. So if you make the bunny a male, Seras would have to be his master. If you make it a female, it would have to be Alucard.

I did have a bit of a hard time picturing Integra giggling while she and Walter fed each other. That just... just doesn't seem like something she'd do. O_o First of all Integra's not really the sharing type. I'm willing to let that slide because it is Walter (who's kind of a father figure to her) and she does get something out of it (so it's really more of a trade). But she would NOT giggle. Sir Integra DOES NOT giggle. She laughs, huffs, chuckles, grins, yells, throws things and, on rare occasions, even smiles (faintly). But she doesn't giggle. Seras giggles, and (only if in Girly-Card form) Alucard may giggle... but not Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. LoL

And now that the tribes have joined, (Actually I think you should've waited a bit longer, until the 'teams' would've been completely even, but... eh... It's not a big deal.) I'm betting Sir Integra WILL rise to the leadership position eventually. It might take some time, but she's a natural leader. And both the Twilighter's matriarch and patriarch are already gone. That means that there's a leadership vacuum, right? Even if she's forced to 'play nice' for now. I doubt it will be very long before she's barking out orders and everyone else is scrambling to obey them. ;)

Oh, no... no... NO. Please, tell me Rosalie DID NOT just make a Wonder Twins joke. Arg. *Face Palms*. And things were going so well too. :( LoL

Also, Alucard didn't exactly go for the change 'willingly'. Beaten, defeated, his army decimated, captured by his enemies and about to be executed, it was “a moment of perfect despair” when he drank the blood of the battlefield and turned himself into a vampire. It was an act of disobedience, the kind of thing a hurt child might do. He felt that God had abandoned him, so he, in turn, chose to abandon God.

In fact, it's possible to view Alucard's actions between that moment and his eventual defeat at the hands of Abraham Van-Helsing as the acts of a rebellious child, lashing out at a parent, challenging the father (in this case God) to discipline him and prove both the latter's existence and the fact that He still cared enough to punish His wayward child. In this case, his defeat by Abraham, who was a Christian and an agent of God could be seen as the discipline Alucard so desperately longed for. Although this last paragraph IS NOT official Hellsing Canon, there are some hints for it; and I do think it would help explain Alucard's willing servitude to Abraham and his descendants. ;)

Finally I'm a little dubious on the scene between Alucard and Rosalie. It was well written, and I did enjoy it. But I'm just not sure if it should've gone down that way.

On the one hand, Alucard loves to 'break' his enemies. He enjoys playing with them, like a cat with a mouse. He's a happily sadistic monster... But on the other hand, he has a tendency to be drawn to strong willed, intelligent and 'challenging' women; and when he finds one, he usually attempts to strengthen her further.

That isn't to say that he's nice or overly encouraging. Rather he's usually challenging, but he's careful how far he pushes things. His ultimate goal is almost always to strengthen the woman's independence, force of will and capabilities. It's kind of hard to explain... Um, ever watched NCIS? Dealing with what he considers to be 'worthy women', Alucard is not wholly dissimilar to Gibbs dealing with his agents.

Still Rosalie is an enemy. So I don't think that Alucard's attempt to 'break' her was completely OOC. It's just... just something I'm dubious about.

Anyway, as you can probably already tell, I really did enjoy most of this chapter and found a lot of parts quite interesting. Thanks for updating, and I'm looking forward to more. ;)

PS. One more, VERY small nitpick: In the first section you mention that Alucard was eying the camera man as if the later were sitting on a silver platter. Silver platters and Hellsing vampire's would not mix very well. LoL

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
EZB chapter 6 . 5/13/2009

That name is awesome.

but (butt :D) to get serious, i loved this chapter. It had it's moments of humor, but what really got me was the scene with Seras and the girls, Edward and Integra, and finally Alucard and Rosalie. She thinks she can strike back at him? Oh... i fear for her if she thinks she will be able to deterred the million man slaughter-er. All he feels are joy of slaughter, happiness of pain, and sorrow: but they are so mulled over with bloodshed that i doubt he feels anything but thrill.

Rosalie better have one hell of a backup waiting.

Still, what is this with the 'reader's' choice thing? i was not aware of it... guess i skipped a few things... oops.

Still freaked out by Alucard being so badass, EZB.


i don't remember being cheeky! (pleading) i honestly don't know what it means! honest- i just have several coincidences that line up with the name.

However, E and B are both first letters in my name. That much is true. Z however, if you flip around, you get S. So, E.S.B. are my initials.


bahleeeted chapter 6 . 5/13/2009
VAMPIRE BUNNY VAMPIRE BUNNY! (Did you read my ficlet about Seras's pet bunny?) Yes, it shoud turn into a vampire bunny :D

I kind of figured Seras wouldn't be able to kill any lambies... she's just too kindhearted. I lover Alucard's name for the bunny, too. :P But seriously, read my bunny fic (It's Chapter Bunnicula in Dead is the New Alive, at my profile).

Oh dear... having 34J cups myself, I can empathise with Seras's, er, trouble in getting the buffs to hold. :P I've torn many a bra trying to keep myself in. -_- Yay for almost-girl-on-girl though. :D Alice is the only one close to good enough for anyone in Hellsing.

Wise old Walter... I think he may be my favourite character in the series (he's just so... so awesome!), although Seras and Integra are more fun to look at. ;) I lol'ed at how Walter doesn't trust Jasper a lick.

nu please not Integra/Edward! *gags* Integra belongs with Alucard or Seras!

Although Alucard really is a bastard, especially after this chapter. :( Thus Integra belongs with Seras. :D
Master of the Boot chapter 6 . 5/13/2009
you've really pushed the envelope in this one. I have to say that despite your description of yourself as a rube, you're a literary giant.

First thing I'd like to comment on is the merging of the tribes. That was wonderful. "Celebratory feast" figures. Really good description of vampires feeding, especially that son of a bitch Alucard. And then there was that bunny you spoke of, good work with that. Seras can rip a pack of ghouls to shreds but she can't kill one bunny, that's so her.

I loved the Interaction between Seras and the two Cullen girls. I can easily imagine Alice and Seras kicking it off magnificently. That scnene where they make her a new bra is magnificent. Seras chooses to be dissatisfied about color schemes and pisses off Rosalie.

Which is another thing that I loved, Alucard's abuse of Rosalie. She's just sitting there, being polite to Seras and then the big man shows up and gives her the gears. That whole speech was explicit, dark and cruel. Just the way I like it! The jesture of his where he almost touches her swimsuit area was fantstic. But it's so heroic that Rosalie is still willing to stand and fight. Watch out Rose, this is Alucard we're talking about, the worst of the worst. Next up, Alucard should tell Rosalie's story to everybody he meets, or if she really angers him, he can shave her head with one of Anderson's bayonets.

I also loved the Edward/Integra interraction. It was both believable and entertaining. Edward always hates what he percieves to be pop music. Again, you bring up that thing that he likes humans. I guess it works.

Fishing with Jasper and Emmett was also fun. Walter is wise not to trust Jasper, who's been through alot and is one of the more dangerous Cullens.

Thanks for considering me to be your Alfred.


Master of the Boot
geophf chapter 1 . 5/12/2009

Writing a review of S:VI, ch. 1, 'cause Somebody Told me ... somebody told ME ... that I WASN'T ALLOWED TO!

Whelp, here I am 'not' writing a review, then.

Oh, that's right, today's opposite day for me.


"I LOVE the idea behind your [crossover] story. It's RIVETING, the amount of attention to detail and sheer thought placed into each [chappie]. I EAGERLY AWAIT more, LiLa. GENIUS."


Perfect review, no? It has the words "Love", "Riveting", and "Genius" in it.

But am I stopping there? Hm. Let me think about that for awhile: geophf, putting in a terse review ... hm.


Your words; my reactions.


"Rosalie’s mate, Bella, gasps and turns to cling to her. Bella wraps her dainty arms around Rosalie, and she desperately buries her head into her deliciously cold marble shoulder as if certain that the world is going to stop turning now that she’s going to be forced more than two feet away from her lover."

Wow. When you said crossover story, I didn't know you were going WAY AU. But that was nice to incorporate Book II of MSR into your narrative. Where did you get a copy of my work? I don't recall handling out advanced looks.

But isn't this a little risqué (or, more correctly to describe this situation: «risquée»)? I mean, it sounds kind of like the style of fan fiction that you mentioned to me that you do not allow certain people to read because of its, um, its, um, you know, um "content". The kind of style of fan fiction that I did not know existed, but you did, my dear sister. Kind of like:

"“You watch Survivor, sir?” Seras asks, sounding shocked.

“I…uh…no. N-n-not regularly. I – I ordered a few seasons from Netflix for research. Yes, research,” Integra scrambles to answer. “Alucard, how do you know that Cullen man,” she then asks, abruptly changing the subject."

Right? So, you know about that kind of style of fan fiction because you're doing 'research'? Just like guys subscribe to "certain" "magazines" because they only look at the pictures? No, I meant, "read the articles", dammit, "read the articles"!

So is that what you're doing, knowing about this certain style of fan fiction, "reading the articles", as it were?

So, are you going to change the subject?

Don't. Since I don't know about this style of fan fiction, could you provide some links so I know what to avoid? Just for informational purposes only, ya know. Oh, but I do need to learn about a certain kind of (purely platonic, of course) sapphic love, so if you could provide me some of the many links you have bookmarked, it'd be helpful for me to write realistic portrayals in Book II of MSR.

You know: research.

P.S. to outsiders reading this review: WAY inside joke. Don't break your browser's search function looking for the BxRose paragraph.


*AHEM* back to your story (but notice how I'm just commenting on the paragraphs you put in there? La-di-da)

"“Oh, wasn’t it? Are you telling me that she didn’t take her eye off the ball because she was Obamatized?” She’s referring to Alice’s failure to use her future-vision to check on the fate of the stock market in the months following Obama’s election as the U.S. President.

“Look, he said ‘Yes we can,’ so she thought that he could,” Jasper retorts.

“Yep, those campaign promises usually pan out, don’t they?” Rosalie responds sarcastically."

There's my little, so-much-younger-than-me sis going all risqué again with incorporating real-world events and getting all political, too! 50 years from now, when people are reading this story, they'll be like, "Who's 'Obamatized'? How come I've never heard of him/her?"

So, we've got 4 xovers: Twilight, Hellsing, Survivor, and the real world, and MSR (5 xovers), and ... well, that's for later in the review.


"“They’re Nosferatu,” Carlisle says ominously.

“Shit,” Jasper murmurs, and the girls exchange anxious glances."

Are you allow to say the S-word? I thought this was rated "T", not rated "S". I had to all "NC-17"/"MA" my story because Bella said the S-word once, and that was by accident, because she stumbled into the Jane Bennett-as-Rosalie analogue entirely by mistake, telling Rosalie the plot of Pride and Prejudice (you can imagine what Rosalie did ... Alucard ain't got nuttin' on her).

Yeah, that's the only reason my story is rated above "K". So you going all out and having Jasper say the S-word like that?

I dunno, LiLa, what next? Nutter bars, or even *gasp* ... peanut butter? The sensitive ears of the young girls and boys reading this story MUST BE PROTECTED!


"2) What the hell – why are vampires now publicly ‘outed’ and starring in reality TV shows?

I have no idea. If you, however, have any thoughts on the subject, please let me know, and if it jives well enough with this story, I’ll put it up as a prologue!"

Jeez, LiLa! This is so, like, totally obvious: 5th xover, no duh! Two words or one name: Charlaine Harris! Vampires have been outed since 2005, the publication of the first Twilight book when all those TwiHards and TwiFans stormed Forks before the Cullens could evacuate! Imagine the pressure on the still human Bella: "When're you going get turned?" "How do you feel being outed like that?" "How is Rosalie in bed, really? Is she as good as your internal monologue says she is? Nobody's that good! ... um, could you pass her my number?" "Has Mike stopped asking you to Prom now that he know you're a lesbian, or has he really gotten annoying like guys do, saying stuff like 'try the other side' and stuff?"

Bella's response: "Excuse me!" and runs off to the WC to puke from all the attention and the media blitz.

But see? Vampires outed in Harris' Stackhouse series, and vampires outed in the Twilight series, because why? Because TwiFans CANNOT BE STOPPED!

Like a certain person not allowed to leave reviews of a certain story. GET ME? UNSTOPPABLE! So, DEAL!

Okay? Okay!

cheers, geophf
Angelsss chapter 5 . 5/9/2009
“I AM NOT GAY FOR JASPER!” Edward shouts...Please oh Please let them be Gay..PLEASE! just a little gay

Seriously...if someone had to go it should have been Carlisle..Jasper and Rose are just that a word?
Angelsss chapter 4 . 5/9/2009
Favorite no real order

1."Their desire mounts with each passing second, and both of them internally curse their unwavering dedication to their respective mates and this story’s strict adherence to its ‘T’ rating." this may be something new...a Jasper/Rosalie pairing. And DAMN that whole T rating bull uh..bullcrap! Can I please get a outtake with a M rating. You KNOW how much a fan I am of the smut dear lady!

2."One might say – if one had a very poor sort of sense of humor – that they were saved by the Bella."..I guess my sense of humor is damn poor cause I found this funny.

Question? Does Sir Integra control Alucard? How does that work when he is a vampire...who the hell is She? Bella huh? she really is the least excitement around.. i do like her though..*sigh* Oh well..

Off to Chapter 5!
Angelsss chapter 3 . 5/9/2009
“Yay, Edward!” Bella jumps up and squeals before Jeff has even called the game.

Rosalie sends a flock of birds fleeing for their lives with her low wail that grows into a piercing shriek. She won’t even look at Emmett anymore and refocuses her fury on Bella.

“You are on MY team, you fucking IDIOT!”

LOL...LiLa! Sorry chica Ive been away...catching up though so your about to get some major review love coming your way. How have you been? Love Love Love this story..I dont even know what the hell Hellsing is half the time and I still like the characters. Your so freaking funny too...I bet you are a riot to talk to in real off to chapter 4...

Mad love Yo!

Xatvellan chapter 5 . 5/2/2009


This was great! Alucard-sama squealing and insinuated boylove? You spoil me, my dear. :3

Really, you did a fantastic job with the plot - I was hoping that you wouldn't do the cliche thing and have Hellsing vote someone out, and you didn't! Though, I must admit, seeing Carlisle go was very surprising for me.

And then, Alucard-sama's history with Carlisle couldn't have been any better (unless there had been more boylove x3).

And wow, you found about the ONLY thing that Alucard-sama would ever squeal about. Bravo, bravo! :D

Let's see, as far as grammar/spelling goes...

"Maybe if you tell us more about hour history with him," needs to be fixed to "your", instead of "hour" and...

Well, that's about all I saw...I know there was one more typo, but I forgot to make a note of it, and so forgot. I'm sorry. D:

Otherwise, there are no grammar issues that aren't matters of personal opinion, haha.

Very nice. ]

Oh, and sorry about the delay in reviewing, I haven't been on FF in a week or two. ;

Well, anyway, thank you for another epic chapter! I can't wait for the next one, when our votes will finally count! And hrm, alliances, eh? I'll have to get in on that...D
geophf chapter 5 . 5/2/2009
Okay, okay? Okay. I'm reviewing your chapter.

... and YES, I'm going to start every single one of my reviews for this story just like that. Okay? Okay!


Good, good, oh-so-good, Good chapter. Very good chapter.

That's my review, okay?


Now to the meatier, or ... (breathing in and out) _JUICIER_ parts.

O! How I wish Bella had met Jasper in Ekalaka! She was so onto Edward, but if she saw Jasper, too, she would know it wasn't _ROSALIE_ that would be giving her Edward troubles. I always knew something was up with those two super sweet sexy, catty guys, but your story has told all:

"I'M NOT GAY FOR JASPER, OKAY?" Edward protesteth, perhaps a wee bit too much.

"Okay, if you say so, Edward ..." responds Alice with a shrug. An understanding shrug. A shrug that says, "I hope Jasper is bi, at least, or I'm going to need to go shopping now ... and not for clothes. Hm, wonder if that Bella will be feeling lonely tonight?"


And Rosalie's SLENDER ALABASTER arms undulating in the water? Rosalie's VULNERABLE LIQUID BUTTERSCOTCH eyes giving looks that you could interpret any way you like? What are you doing to me, my dear LiLa. You KNEW EXACTLY what you were doing to me, and it wasn't "Oh! I'll throw this one in for geophf to be 'nice'" doing. Oh, no, 'twasn't!

Not 'nice' at all, LiLa.


And I liked it that Carlisle called the World War the 'Great War'. I like your historical accuracy. I liked your unflinching stare into the absolute cruelty of what is the make-up of most vampires. And I'd love to see a tween, teen, or Twimom say "Bite Me, Vamp" after watching said vamp mow down innocents and children with that gleeful twisted look on its face.

Thirty Days of Night anyone? "Bite Me"? I don't think that young girl they had walking through the street calling for help was thinking that just before they tore her to pieces, slurping at her blood as they did.


Yes, I did it. Yes, I even glimpsed at the non-Twi vamp sections of the chapter. GASP! Yes, I did. But one reviewer mentioned candy (ook!) and so I had to read that part, ...

... and then you Little Debbie Nutter Buttered me! ARG! What in the world is better than eating a Nutter Butter with an admixture of hot coffee and Irish Cream?

I'd tell you what is better, because I'm sure there's something, but I can't think of it right now.

Oh, yeah, there is one thing: "Bite me, Vamp!"



And speaking of other reviews, LiLa, I am so going to call you right here and right now! Your other reviews that you got? What, are they Billy the Shake, Caucher, Cervantes, and Tolstoy, fer cryin' out loud? "Oh, poor me, I only got some reviews ("SOME" "REVIEWS"! fer cryin' out loud! REVIEWS: 'S', PLURAL, MORE THAN ZERO, MORE THAN ONE REVIEW_S_S_S_S_S_S_!) on this chapter!" you lamented, and, when I read those novel length reviews, you know what I'm talking about right? - the reviews that had more than three letters in them like the "Wow!" review or the "Gud!" review - I wept, I wept tears of rage that these loving reviewers were pouring their hearts out in gratitude to your lovely story.

No, I'm not the least bit jealous. I have my own lovely reviewers AND I LOVE AND LOVE ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM _AND_ ON EACH OF THEIR REVIEWS! THANKYOUSOVERYMUCH!


So, here's another review saying: "Golly, gee, awesomerzorx chapter, baybee!" So, DEAL!

*sigh* I'm told I need to get back to writing, right now, because there's a certain wager to be paid in the woods of Belle Fourche, SD. So I shouldn't have been reading this chapter nor should I have been leaving a review, but a little bird told me that the best chapter ever written in the world was out there and "oh, what do you think about it, geophf, but I won't even ask at all ... unless you _want_ to look, but only if you _want_ to."


Yes, I think it is indeed a superlative chapter, well written, with an excellent balance of intrigue and subterfuge, spiced with a little Edward-Jasper, erhm, "spiciness".

In short, a great chapter in a great story. May I please be excused now? I have to do my daily DDR before returning to the MSR keyboard.

cheers, geophf
Metropolis Kid chapter 5 . 4/30/2009
Um, WHY were Walter and Alucard in the boat? It seems, to me, that the logical choice would've been for Seras to sit out this time, have Integra and Walter in the Boat and Alucard (the fastest of them) waiting at the shore. Why didn't they do that? O_o. I haven't watched Survivor in years; does someone outside the teams select who will be sitting out during the challenges or something?

Oh well, I was glad to see Hellsing win another challenge. :) And the Twilighter's battle over the chests was amusing, quite amusing. LoL.

But... not nearly as amusing as Integra's reaction to their camera-man chowing down right in front of her. :D I LOVED that part. :D In fact, I think that was the best part, so far, in this entire story. It's just the mental picture of Sir Integra actually, literally, drooling over something and, for once in her life, being denied it. It's the kind of scene that you don't see anywhere else... at least not with the writer managing to keep the lady knight IC. And Integra's threat to make the man an “unauthorized foodstuff” for one of her vampires was just the icing on the cake. So... I guess that makes Alucard's reaction to his master's threat the ice cream on the side? LoL. Anyway, great scene!

I also, somewhat, enjoyed the World War One tale. But my enjoyment was hampered by the fact that (IMO) you did Alucard a grave injustice there. While there is no denying that Alucard is a psychotic, sadistic monster and, even before becoming a vampire, had no problem killing women, children and the old; he never did so 'just for the hell of it'. That kind of pointless slaughter is what the 'freaks' do, and Alucard express disgust over it. Now, just to be clear, he would kill children (or just about anything else) if it was a part of his mission, needed to been done so he could complete one of his objectives or even if he were 'thirsty' and was allowed to feed off them. But he wouldn't just gun them down without a valid reason. It's a slight distinction, and (once again because you are still pretty new to Hellsing) I wont hold the oversight against you. In fact the only reason I'm even mentioning it is so that you'll know to avoid such scenes in the future. You can still have Alucard slaughtering a pack of little kids if you want, but you need to give him a reason for it. ;)

Well, you're still doing a very good job with this, and I'm looking forward to more. :) Here's hoping you can get the next chapter up a little faster though. LoL

PS. I'm just curious. What happens in Survivor if the votes tie?

PPS. I voted for the liverwurst, onions and cream cheese sandwich in your pole. That actually sounds pretty good... I think I would substitute sour cream for the cream cheese though.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
bahleeeted chapter 5 . 4/28/2009
Did you hear that? Is that the sound of Alucard squealing? No, that's the sound of Rachel in GA squeeing over the new update. P Finally!

I LOVED LOVED LOVED Walter saving Alucard from a watery... grave? :D And the squealing. "I'm sure no one else heard, Alucard." "Heard what?" "Exactly so, exactly so."

and YES! Another chapter where Hellsing doesn't have to vote anyone off. XD They shouldn't have too, anyways, Walter is way too awesome! :D

One weird question though- vegan eyes? wha-? They're really not even vegetarians, much less vegan!

"Scenery does not crunch wafers or flaunt peanut butter and chocolate in front of starving women." :D :D :D Classic! I can totally see Integra saying that. XD

OSHI- THEY VOTED CARLISLE OFF! I did NOT see that coming. :D Way to go!
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