Reviews for After The Moon
Hawki chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
-"The lean boy, presumably James, abruptly stops, sharply turning to face the one questioning their destination."

The "presumably James" feels a bit awkward here, as he's addressed as James distinctly in the narrative anyway.

-The info provided on the house elves also feels awkward-such a provision of information would have been handled better via narrative IMO.

-"James stared up at his ceiling, wish it had more structure than a simple sheet across a post."

"Wish" should be "wishing."

-"Moony" is spelt various times as "Mooney."

Overall, the fic is better than the criticism above might indicate. However, I'm afraid it still feels to lack..focus somehow. Granted it's a oneshot, but while it isn't really oblidged to lead anywhere per se, the structure still sets up the feeling that it should. However, in the end, it doesn't.
InkBlue chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
I really enjoyed the way James took charge of the group durng their wanderings...I've seen fanfics where the characters are far too plain, never arguing, and I thought this was refreshing. I thought you kept JKR's characters really well, particularly James, and I'm pleased that someone is finally giving me the Merauders fanfiction that I actually want to read. Bravo.
purple-papoose chapter 1 . 6/17/2009
hey..I really liked your story.I think the characters were how they they would be in the way Sirius charms the fat lady ;p

looking forward to more of your work.

planeteer-rach chapter 1 . 3/14/2009

This is really good! I really like the way the boys relate to eachother. And the way Sirius charms the Fat Lady.

The only correction I have is that Remus in Moony, not Mooney.

It's really good though, and I think that your writing will only improve if you continue writing...this is your first fanfic after all!


Jack Fantom chapter 1 . 3/13/2009
I liked this a lot. It read honest, sincere and to the point. It was like a night striaght out of the Marauder's lives. Very well written. Well done indeed.