|Reviews for The Day The Earth Stood Still|
| Renee Aubin chapter 43 . 12/14/2014
Ooh, fun. I know this chapter was written back in March and technically isn’t new anymore, but it’s new to me! I have to say this flows seamlessly with what you wrote prior to the hiatus.
Aww, poor Leah. I love how you’re writing her with both empathy and respect. ‘As I tried to mediate first I had two arms full of angry, furry she-wolf who seemed to have many more square inches of tooth and claw than normal, and then I had six feet of naked, sobbing, shrieking daughter-in-law. I managed to hold her and give her my shirt at roughly the same time.’ And of course poor Seth, too. Oh yes, and some sympathy for Edward, too: ‘…there was wolf saliva up my nose.’ Ha ha.
Excellent, that Edward is learning how not to overreact (or not appear to overreact) when Bella’s safety is involved. ‘The panic was slowly abating. Slightly. A bit.’ Hopefully she appreciates a bit more respect for her autonomy.
Good one: Bella ‘was deeply upset that Tanya seemed to be going through all of the important men in her life until she found the one she wanted. Bella likened her to an evil Goldilocks.’
Understandable: ‘…she was both very upset and not at all clear as to how she felt and how she ought to feel.’ Interesting: ‘Mostly, she saw that her father was, or seemed to be, reacting to the mating in a far different manner than her own starstruck reaction.’ Good for you, imagining that two such different people, at different stages in their lives, could react in wildly varying ways.
Just one little detail that’s so easy to visualize: ‘"You want to tell me why you're really here?" I asked, leaning into her just slightly, inclining my head to lend a little privacy to our conversation.’
Intriguing: ‘I could feel another door open in her mind. Oh, my... Bella was profoundly unhappy with her father's mating. Profoundly. …Actually, I think she was acknowledging this to herself for the first time as well.’
Good observation: ‘she deals with her trauma in a very, very different fashion than I do. … She compartmentalizes and continues to function fairly well. I tend to want to run away and pretend it never happened. Neither method works in the long term, of course. At least Bella sticks around for hers...’
Clever how Edward figures out that maybe Bella won’t be able to close all the mental doors that she had slowly opened, if she has to concentrate on driving. And later ‘Now that she had opened the door that housed the dragon, it was not going back in quietly.’
Nice speech from Edward about how Bella changed his life (and Tanya didn’t).
Definite progress compared to canon Edward: "I'm sorry I pushed so hard that you felt the need to escape." And well said: ‘I needed somewhere different to think something different.’ Huh, I never thought of it that way.
Oh gosh what a thought: ‘How can I deny Charlie something as wonderful as what I have with you?’ Sometimes being a grownup sucks.
Also interesting that Bella worries that once absorbed in his mating bond with Tanya, Charlie might not need her any more. I guess this would be a concern for any child whose parent finds a new partner.
Aww, how tough for Bella: ‘She had all but shut down, though she refused to move to a more comfortable position. She sat at the kitchen table, her head laying on her folded arms. I had a sense that she was just holding it together, just barely…’ Difficult for Edward to be unable to help, too.
I enjoyed Edward’s inventory of how life had changed since he met Bella. Some enormous events after nearly a century of minimal change.
Good one: ‘I don't have to like her. I don't have to want to like her, either.’ Just realizing that lifts quite a burden.
Interesting to see the “I’ll end myself when you die” speech transferred to Bella. In a funny way, it shows how deeply both of them have accepted that she will become a vampire.
Excellent Charlie speech, that the parenting had flowed the wrong direction between him, Renee, and Bella. Especially that he takes responsibility for never having noticed. Oh gosh, that certainly opened the floodgates of Bella’s tears. I guess the whole “parent” wing of her mental house is raw right now.
‘"I kinda wanna kill Renee right now, Edward."
"I kinda want to help you hide the body, Charlie," I said, meaning it.’
Smile: ‘We showered together, a gentle and sensual process that was always necessary after contact with the wolves. I could largely deal with their smell at this point, but I drew the line at smelling them on our sheets.’
Fun conversation about the Edward sandwich dream. So impressive that you were able to not only think out all the details of this, but communicate them.
I like the idea that Bella gave him an avatar in her dream. But did she sense that he was actually there so that he could inhabit it? Good question: ‘I mean, could I give you an avatar in real life?’ And Bella’s the one who comes up with the experiment of having him move in and out of her “shield” over and over. Oh, I just realized that from the beginning Edward has been able to slip through her shield, when (as far as we know) no one else can. Cool!
A wonderful line from Edward: “I'd never fantasized about it only because my imagination wasn't that good."
Don’t know what I think about Bella now being able to hear Edward when he’s inside her shield, at least in a rudimentary way.
Hmm, of course it’s good to broaden the education available to the pack, but it strikes me that all the other kids in LaPush and Forks (and elsewhere) deserve some enrichment too. Maybe scale back on some of the more extravagant stuff and share more broadly.
As always, I love your closing Charlie-Edward conversation.
| Renee Aubin chapter 42 . 12/9/2014
Smile: ‘Judging from my track record telling Jacob that he was going to imprint on Elisabeth, and now telling Bella that her father was going to be mated for the rest of his days with Tanya, I clearly did not have a way with words.’ He’s a little hard on himself – none of that was easy news to deliver.
I liked this: Edward is fussing like a mother hen about going back to get Bella’s coat.
‘Bella had put her hand up in the air to stop me. I blinked in surprise.
"Don't leave me," she said simply.’
That’s a good thing, Edward.
I enjoyed how in sync they are when they get back to his room, about just how she wants to be held while she continues to process.
Your Edward voice is wonderfully droll. ‘Her menstruation wasn't exactly like clockwork and she had a much easier time of keeping track of it than I did, at least, without quizzing her unduly which I'd found quickly that she didn't always enjoy.’ Although I’m not always sure he’s in on the humor.
They’re deciding where to sleep tonight given Bella’s period and all the foreign vampires at the Cullens’ house and Charlie’s new situation:
‘I don't want you to snub your extended family, though.
"Our," I corrected as we walked down the last flight of stairs. "And my priorities are perfectly ordered," I pointed out. Bella came first, hands down. Always.’
A difficult time to be a telepath: ‘Meanwhile, it was very loud in this room where no one was saying a damn thing with their vocal chords.’
Oh good for him: ‘I could help Bella and Charlie cope with the [Tanya] situation, but I was little more than an observer, really.’
Great idea that Edward takes Charlie for a drive in the Vanquish, giving him an opportunity to talk or ask questions privately.
Edward’s description of Carlisle’s history of restraint is well done. Interesting: ‘I'd just outed all of us for being killers, all of us except Carlisle.’
Good summary of B&E’s mental connection: “I sunk inside of whatever mental protection made her voice so very muted, and in doing so, Bella was suddenly the only thing I could hear, mentally … She also has a striking ability to allow me to see only what she wants me to in her mind…”
A good choice to share the James story with Charlie. He must wonder how many other bizarre things have gone on right under his nose.
Excellent: “Her body may still be weak, but her heart is ferociously strong and though it pains me to even think of it, I think she would die to keep me safe.” And later “She has a human's body, even if she has a vampire's libido.” If only canon Edward had understood these things.
Wow, Charlie’s answer surprised me:
“The point is, a mate can die... The mate that is left is left devastated and broken, irreparably and at the same intensity for the rest of their rather long life. It's the cruel flipside to the joy and completion of being mated."
"Well," Charlie said, and in a much happier tone than I would have anticipated, "I've done the devastation part. If that's the worst that can happen, I could be okay with this mating thing."
A good insight into how deeply Renee’s desertion affected him.
‘There was something off about her speaking voice, slight though it was. I could hear more easily in her aural voice that there was the thinly veiled numbness beneath all of this. Either this was all too much for her to completely compartmentalize, or I was getting better at this.’
Wonderful idea: ‘I mingled with her mindscape as she dreamed and discovered that if I actually spoke in her dreams instead of simply watching in fascination, horror, or humor along the side lines, that she sometimes would interact with me.’
Your imagination amazes me sometimes. I remember reading the dream Edward / real Edward scenario when this chapter was first published, and it made my head spin. It was fun reading it again, and I have to say it’s one of the most erotic things I’ve ever read in fan fiction, period. Leave it to Bella to go straight for the d.p.! "Two Edwards...oh, God, yes!"
Well described: ‘I could think about the mechanics involved and watch them play out before me like a director could tell actors what to do, and then see it happen.’
‘The conversation that followed [when Bella woke up] was interesting.’ Um, yeah, I bet!
| Renee Aubin chapter 41 . 11/27/2014
Interesting conversation about Bella’s preparation for pregnancy. Perfectly reasonable that since they do know in advance, they would want her as healthy as possible. Also reasonable that Bella doesn’t appreciate her body being micromanaged!
Funny, Bella to Charlie: "Eloping to Vegas before I graduate high school and marrying into a family of vampires doesn't phase you, but you grumble about me getting a tattoo?” Well, every dad has his limits.
Nice: ‘…what had just lately become our bedroom.’ It’s only fair that if Charlie gets let it on all the information, he accepts Edward into his home.
Good Lord, what made you come up with Edward’s daydream about being convicted of statutory rape? I suppose it’s reasonable that vampire brains would be prone to as much nonsense as ordinary human ones. He would love “Vampire in the Basement”. Bella definitely seems to be on to his broodiness.
I like that Bella was the one to explain the tattoo to Charlie.
Edward tells Charlie there’s going to be a Denali-Cullen-pack summit and suggests Charlie could come “if it interests you." In what universe would it not interest Charlie? I’d like to be there myself!
‘“The strangeness of your mind seems to be hereditary."
"'Scuse me?" Charlie said with one eyebrow raised. It seemed as if he was still working out whether or not my words were an insult.’
I’d say Edward got off easy!
I love the roundabout way you wrote Edward’s introducing Charlie to vampire “gifts”. But yes, the interactions at the “summit” would certainly give away the secrets, so good to prepare him now.
‘"This is a lot to process," Bella said out loud.
"Really just the recent batch of 'a lot to process'," Charlie corrected.’
I also enjoyed the way Bella described this:
"My mind is like a mansion with many rooms… And I close doors on Edward all the time."
Huh, interesting point about the low percentage of vegetarians among vampires. Minuscule, even.
Certainly true: ‘I seemed to be adding quite a lot of unasked for information. Was a strange planet in an odd constellation?’ Quite unlike normally careful Edward, but then his relationship with Charlie is unique.
‘I was debating on whether or not to mention the Succubus part…’ Yikes, that would be a tough one to dump on Charlie.
Wow they’re just lighting up all of Forks with information. So now Jacob will learn about his future imprint!
Clever that the conversation about Leah imprinting on one of the twins – and her being a Cullen now “come hell or high water” –leads so naturally to the same revelation to Jacob.
Aww: “I love Leah as much as I love Alice, Esme, or Rosalie, and that's not going to change if she imprints on Sebastian.”
Love this re the identity of Elizabeth's imprint: ‘”It isn't that creepy Brazilian guy, is it?" Jacob asked.’
OK, I don’t quite understand why Jacob was so upset by the revelation of his imprint’s identity that he needed to phase in Charlie’s house. Oh, well at least he’s kind of embarrassed by that.
Nice detail: “Alice knew that I was going to find my mate in Bella the moment Bella decided to live with Charlie. It was her decision to come here than cemented it, and that was over two months before she arrived. And Alice never told me.”
Oh, good point: ‘We both knew that something was going to happen during the pregnancy to allow Alice to see the wolves, and thus not have mind-numbing headaches when she was around them.’ Much better than simply repeating to themselves on a loop that Alice can’t see around the wolves, so she couldn’t have had those visions where they’re present.
An important boundary with a telepath: ‘as Bella has reminded me often enough, she gets to think whatever she wants to, and I don't get to have an opinion. Or at least I don't get to air it.’
Another excellent detail, Edward to Charlie: “I'm not actively trying to draw you in, so your natural aversion to us is in full force."
Wonderful: Edward tells Charlie "I could seduce you if it would make you feel better…” and Bella laughs her head off. ‘That one definitely goes down in the books for best faux pas. I need to tell Emmett. And Jacob.’
Luscious reassurance about Tanya:
‘I nosed my way past her jawline and whispered directly in her ear…
"I am utterly yours."’
Well said: ‘I let her fill my senses and reveled in the sheer bliss of being in her mind and her mouth, her scent filling my nose and her body underneath my hands.’
What a clear contrast with Edward’s usual “bliss”, when he exits Bella’s mind with all of the Cullens, the Denalis, and some of the pack in the house.
I like this angle on Leah’s relationship with E&B, from Esme: ‘Leah was beginning to get a bit antsy. You know how she can be when she's expecting you and Bella and you get delayed.’
Hmm. Irina ‘was obsessing about [Laurent] in a way that made me think perhaps she'd found her mate, but if that were the case, where was he?’
OK, well sometimes it’s actually handy to have a vampire telepath control freak around. There are an awful lot of reactions to manage re Charlie and Tanya! Ha ha, I’m about to fall over laughing, thinking of Tanya as Edward’s stepmother-in-law.
| Eliella45 chapter 7 . 11/27/2014
The best description of Edward's feelings I have ever read, emotions perfectly articulated into words. So fantastic. Beyond words, truly. Thank you so much for it.
| Eliella45 chapter 6 . 11/27/2014
Oh God, that was amazing, so good. Thanks for it.
| Eliella45 chapter 5 . 11/27/2014
Interesting, good chpt.
| cela chapter 18 . 11/24/2014
it seems miss swan has a horrendous case of pms! it's really good that Edward has about eighty years on her or he would say something really stupid like a typical teen boy and really piss her off. this was really good because sm did not bring up bell's period at all and how in the hell Edward would handle that with her being his singer. I think that was a mistake on her part or most of her readers are really dumb.
| cela chapter 6 . 11/23/2014
Edward really is a seventeen year old boy even if he is 107! he may have all the knowledge of an adult but he emotionally he is still very young. that's why Carlisle is like a father, is brain had grown up before he was turned.
| Eliella45 chapter 4 . 11/23/2014
God, that was so so sweet and romantic. I loved every word and every letter. Thank you for it.
| Eliella45 chapter 3 . 11/23/2014
I really like this Edward, he is gonna give her a choice and that's good. Another great chapter.
| Eliella45 chapter 2 . 11/23/2014
Oh such a great chapter. I really wish Rose would be less bitter, though, at least for the sake of her brother. Esme was awesome, Carlisle, too. Emmett and Alice and Jasper as well. Thanks for it.
| Eliella45 chapter 1 . 11/22/2014
Oh God, I am falling for your writing just after reading one chapter, it was that good. I absolutely loved it and I like that Edward can hear Bella's thoughts. Gonna go and read the rest now. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
| Renee Aubin chapter 40 . 11/18/2014
Oh, how did Charlie figure out they’re already married?
I like how Renee phrases this: “you're not only human. You're something else, too." It’s never seemed fair to me that people think of the Cullens as non-human (including themselves).
I also like how Edward disputes Renee’s “right to know”: “Bella knows everything there is to know. Trust her judgment." And “…as much as you know about me right now, that's what you'll get to know."
Boy this is the truth: “…the protection Charlie has you and Phil do not enjoy.” And I assume she’s clueless about what that protection might be – although she might have picked up a vibe or two from Charlie’s Quileute friends early on.
Snicker: ‘"Bye, Mom," Bella said, though it was more of a croak.’
Good call: ‘Esme, meanwhile, was thinking thoughts filled with compassion for Renee. She was the only one.’
Oh, good for Leah: "Jasper, stop that. If I wanted to be calmer, I'd go right on ahead and calm myself down.” Seems to me people should object to Jasper’s “help” more often than they do.
Re the babies: ‘I would be able to hear them before they were born.’ Well … please don’t give them the language skills of a three year old before their nervous systems have even formed. That always seemed dopey to me in canon.
Well-done intervention by Jasper and Alice, to prevent Edward’s tantrum over Bella’s mild complaint about his … rigidity? in the conversation with Renee.
Yeah, if only more of us were able to do this in fraught situations: ‘I took a deep breath and tried to be honest with myself, first.’ Yaay. And why is it that this is such a hard thing to admit: "It... it hurts my feelings to hear you think I handled the conversation with Renee badly." But it is.
And once again, their mental communication makes it so convenient to be able to carry on a conversation while his tongue is in her mouth!
Good observation, Bella: “Alpha Male seems to be a fun and easy role to slip into when you're kind of hungry.”
Smile: ‘Then Alice gave me a fleeting look that made me wish I'd been in her head just then. Damn.’
Nice detail: ‘I briefly wondered what other little human gestures I'd been slipping on. The next thing I knew I'd be sitting stock still in class again. Damn it.’
I enjoyed that Charlie has figured this out: “…you two aren't nearly as sneaky as you think you are…” I like that he wanted Edward’s parents in on the conversation too.
Nice: ‘My life would not always be this way, a small part of me recognized. I would not always hunt alone, with Bella clinging to my back…’ And so on. One of those moments of clarity that are all too rare.
Fun: ‘With as much blood as was currently clinging to my hand I could paint every exposed inch of her…’ If she’s coming along for the hunt, why not take advantage of it?
Very believable that Edward would have to have this conversation with himself: ‘I couldn't draw this out. It wasn't right to draw this out. I needed to respect Bella's human needs.’ Only one of them could literally go all night.
Wonderfully said: ‘I took my ease from her body even as I emptied what vitality I may have in this world into hers.’
Good job on Charlie and Edward’s conversation about age being relative. I have a hard time myself remembering that Edward has been alive since before Charlie’s grandparents. Touching when Edward assures Charlie that he and Bella have a long future together, with plenty of opportunities to grow their relationship.
They certainly do take advantage of their mental contact, don’t they? ‘…it was what had become the standard position for comfort that she pictured in her mind. It always worked…’
Hilarious, after Edward’s invitation to Eric Yorkie: ‘Aw, baby, I knew you had it in you to be sweet. This is such an improvement over the Brazilian security guard…’
Snort, as if gym wasn’t already hard enough: ‘Bella tried very hard not to accidentally fall into staring at me, which she did more often than not without even noticing, at which point she usually got incidentally attacked by something or someone.’
Very well described: ‘…when I'd first woken up. I went from the nightmarish fires of hell to the nightmarish and never-quenched thirst to the nightmarish pandemonium that was the chaos of the collective minds around me. … the latter two of which stayed with me for the next eighty-seven years. It never stopped, until I met Bella. Little wonder I'd been a withdrawn, depressed and deeply cynical creature.’
It’s so significant that in your version of the world, those last two nightmarish qualities are both solved by Bella. What a change in his world!
Wow: ‘…it was possible that as a telepath, the thing that kept me from going utterly insane was spending so much time in various universities where at least the impressionable youth had hope…’
Fun scheme for making Eric comfortable riding in Bella’s truck with E&B: “…make conversation with him to take his mind off the fact that he's in an enclosed space with something higher on the food chain than he is."
Also amusing: ‘I realized that I had really had two settings in dealing with the average human - fearful intimidation and a sort of lethargic seduction.’
And: ‘I tried to smile in a non-threatening, non-predator way. It's not clear to me that I was successful.’
‘Alice had yet to prevail in [Leah’s] wardrobe, but really it was only a matter of time.’ Or maybe Leah will be the first one who manages to resist!
Clever that we actually got to see what Eric writes.
| WeAreJorus chapter 43 . 11/16/2014
Pure excellence in writing. Any chance there will be an update in... oh, I don't know... the next decade? ;) I get how other things drag us away from a storyline, but don't forget about us, okay? We'd really like to know where this goes.
| WeAreJorus chapter 1 . 11/10/2014
This is some amazing work. I'm hooked.