|Reviews for When Darkness Struck The Sky|
| skywalker05 chapter 2 . 8/22/2010
Wow! This is a very interesting and unique point of view, flavored with "ancient texts" indeed. The voice you have given Vigil is very suited to something not quite alive and certainly not living in the present, metaphorically speaking. I like how you used both its and Shepard's name as descriptors, as if it doesn't see them as individuals, but as concepts in the cosmic story.
| Mister Buch chapter 2 . 4/5/2009
'Heaven's Spark' was very interesting. I didn't see the need for a brighter ending honestly, but this chapter was quite different to the original. The interaction between the charactrs was a good idea, and nicely done. You got the attitude of the geth without showing him/it in that super-aggressive way they are always portrayed. It was really interesting too seeing an AI and VI in a debate and seeing the VI win. That's a person being outwitted a machine, and it was cleverly done. Vigil seemed so much more 'human' than the geth. So that was great.
The religious themes are much more pronounced this time round, and the ending, where you sort of merged that theory of Universes expanding and contracting with the Jedeo-Christian 'let there be light' thing was really good, and really interesting. And again it suggests to us that Vigil has ascended to a higher level of thinking. It was also great to see a scientist, a machine no less, talking about the virtues of faith! And considering the possibility of an afterlife. That was all very good.
I think your religious imagery was too heavy handed in the first third of the chapter. Angels, testaments, cross to bear. Those all came a little close together and at first I was put off. My other criticism is that there are quite a few spelling and grammar errors here, which contrasts with your stuff in general and the excellent first chapter.
Just like the first chapter this was a clever, original way to explore ideas that just aren't ever covered in Mass Effect fanfic or in official Mass Effect stuff. Making it about religion (a favourite subject of mine!) was a great idea and the debates between the two characters were interesting and well-written.
But this chapter honestly wasn't as good as the first, despite those improvements. The general quality of the writing isn't quite as good. Sometimes I noticed sentences that didn't quite work and you said 'forsaked' instead of 'forsook' which made me grumble at my screen. That stuf aside, the writing wasn't as intricate and great as the first one. Don't get m wrong- the writing was good - with great moments. I liked it very much.
That was a long review! I hope you consider the criticisms constructive. And thanks for writing something really unique.
| Knightfall1138 chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
Wonderful story. Very beautiful and calculated word usage all around, which does, in the end, accurately communicate the ultimate tragedy of it all. I think my favorite part is when the Protheans suddenly realize they've essentially constructed an idol of their ultimate undoing, which was the Mass Relay. Very ironic/unfortunate, and something I had never thought of before in such a way.
| Mister Buch chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
That is extremely well-written. More like a classic poem than a short fanfiction. Really, I was reading 'Paradise Lost' a while ago and struggling to take in everything written there. I don't mean to exagerate, but I had the same feeling reading this.
The sentence structures, the metaphors, the themes and so on were all very interesting and pretty. I like little touches like "from dark space they swallow the light" and the Shepard/shepherd thing at the end.
Also, it nver occurred to me that Vigil or the Protheans never had a fic writen about them. I wouldn't dare with the Protheans seing as we know so little about them.
This story really explores how someone would react when watching their people being wiped out. But because Vigil is a VI you gave him a slightly cold, detached attitude that worked well with the clever, complex sentences. Just enough poetic licence was used to make it beautiful whilst still giving you a real feel of what the end of the Protheans and Vigil's vigil would have felt like.
At this point I normally would give criticisms. There are a couple of spelling errors, and I think maybe you overused the hell/oblivion theme a little. But nonetheless it was interesting to see Protheans speaking about religion in this way.
I really enjoyed this story, hence the huge, gushing review. Very unusual and not always easy to read (not hard to follow, just complex enough to make you work), but very well-done and very enjoyable.
| Hawki chapter 1 . 3/16/2009
-I'm not sure whether to qualify Vigil's story as one of the more tragic, as his sacrifices pale in comparison to those of his creators and the downfall of the protheans as a whole, but I see where you're coming from. Still, while it would be nice to see more stories on Vigil and/or the protheans, I can understand the lack of them. I find that character driven stories such as 'Mass Effect' tend to have fanfiction mainly centered on said characters, especially pairings, far more so than the other aspects of the setting in question.
-Anyway, having analyzed your notes, I think it's only fair that the story gets its own analysis, even if a linebreaker could have been used to seperate the two akin to the sections of the story itself. Truth be told, it's hard to analyze the story in my usual manner, for there's something inherantly...mystical, about the wording. While it feels a bit repetitive at times, I think it's exceptionally well written and carries the persona of Vigil perfectly and for all intents and purposes, the protheans as well. The seperation of narrative progression and apocalyptic imagery worked well, without interupting the flow of the story. I've never really given much thought to the nature of Vigil's name, but with him standing vigil over the facility on Ilos and Shepard living up to his/her namesake...
...well, simply put, it's beautiful. Excellent job.
| BrokenEmber chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
I haven't yet encountered a story that has made me speechless, but, this...
Cannot find words.