Reviews for Within the Twilight
shitdawg chapter 1 . 2/10
You should have more confidence in yourself. I think your story has a lot of potential, so you should give yourself more credit. And you're doing incredibly well for someone who says English isn't their native language. I'll try to give you as much feedback as I can, and if you need any inspiration, you could always say so in the author's note. Like I said, this has a lot of potential and I'm liking this already, to be honest. The first chapter is one of the most important, after all.
Kaite1211 chapter 23 . 12/16/2013
I had heard about this fanfiction from a fellow author, and I would like to say that I'm impressed with how this story had progressed. It is, however, unfortunate to hear that this fanfiction had been abandoned; I would gladly continue it for you, but I have several stories of my own to finish. With that being said, would you be so kind as to upload an update if this story is continued, or adopted by someone else?

Thank you!
wushu723 chapter 23 . 12/9/2013
wow.. your story is really interesting... please update soon
guest chapter 1 . 12/8/2013
Ok i have not read your story yet and i am going to but im looking at the stats and cant help but find it funny that you stoped at 123,450 words. Add six more words and you can have a chain of numbers
libro5678 chapter 7 . 8/25/2013
really? his motto is "if you don't want to be my brother, I'll bash your head in"?
Guest chapter 23 . 8/7/2013
OMG! I randomly found this story and couldn't believe how awesome it was! Please, please continue it! It is so interesting. I love how you made Allen Noah's compassion. And then his super awesome attacks with crown-clown. Also his 'genocide' mode is pretty cool. Please continue!
n0mster chapter 23 . 1/31/2013
Hmm, intriguing developments, so you introduce a new faction into the game huh, or are they under the Earl as well? Doesn't seem likely since the Earl wouldn't have been so desperate to obtain Level 5's if he had something that powerful as a backup.
Another thing I found interesting was the fact that in the Earl's attempt to make new Level 5's, he didn't in fact destroy his first two initial experiments, the ones merging 5 Level 4's, so hopefully Allen can create two potential Level 6's? That would be awesome.
Also, can Allen's power affect the new enemies? If it can affect their existence, is it possible for it to affect them physically as well? Or is it just dodging around the problem, either way, a pretty cool way to defeat a supposedly unbeatable/invulnerable enemy.
On another note, it's great to see that the Noah seem to be congregating quite firmly behind Allen rather than the Earl, who does seem to be treating them like expendable pieces which keep coming back. The whole back-up plan for their loyalty is a bit menacing though, and hopefully this doesn't spell doom for them.
On the topic of Val and Dagmar, I'm surprised that Val hasn't asked Allen to convert Dagmar, especially since I doubt that she'd be disinclined to such, the Order doesn't hold much appeal to her and Allen continues to be on the side of 'good'.
I'm also curious as to the pairings so far, it seems that a lot of the characters are starting to pair up, which does somewhat dispel my hopes of an Allen harem, though there's still the possibility with Road and Lenalee, haha.
Though you said that you haven't abandoned this fic, you haven't updated it in 2 1/2 years, which is somewhat understandable since it seems to be the least popular, still I hold out some hope that you'll indeed finish this story, especially since you said there's still a projected 2-17 more chapters.
n0mster chapter 22 . 1/31/2013
So their attackers were the new Level 5's that the Earl had been making, I suspected as much, though fortunately it seems that though they are physically stronger than Allen's, their abilities pale in comparison. Interesting use of Allen's ability to defeat his foe, though I had hoped that his power could affect them, then again, he didn't attempt to use it against his enemy, since he assumed that it wouldn't work on them.
n0mster chapter 18 . 1/31/2013
Hmm, is it just me or is Allen starting to form his own faction in the war? And something tells me that the Earl may be a Noah of compassion as well or even THE original Noah of compassion. Your new OC Noah of Wrath is quite interesting, as if her power, glad to see that Allen had an easy time handling her. The torture scene was quite unsettling, and it certainly fit the old adage; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
n0mster chapter 17 . 1/31/2013
Hmm, I'm really curious as whether Allen is now able to use the Gaia Hatchet or whether he'll pass it onto another Noah, then again, he did destroy its outer covering and now it's just a crystal of 'innocence' again, it would be awesome if Allen was unique in being able to use multiple innocence at once.
And your take on Allen's noah ability is quite interesting in its potential, didn't really expect 'Corruption', but it does fit somewhat.
n0mster chapter 16 . 1/31/2013
Really liking what you're doing with Allen and his new powers, Crown Clown's abilities are getting more intriguing and the newly named Archangels are pretty awesome. I'm also glad that Allen has healed Val, his ability over reality(?) or souls has been fantastic so far.
n0mster chapter 15 . 1/31/2013
The fight this chapter was pretty awesome, I thought that the one fighting Friedrich was Allen and that the Crown Clown had detached itself to distract Jesaia, though your author note implies that something different occurred. I do wish that we had seen more Allen's awesomeness, scenes which depict the fury of a compassionate man have so much potential.
n0mster chapter 14 . 1/31/2013
Luciano's innocence is quite interesting, scythe-like weapons are always fun. As for rating your fic, I'd give it a good 9, though the first few chapter were a bit iffy, it's a bit tough to get into the fic, but after that, my interest was definitely piqued.
What I would be interested in seeing in this fic, is actually an Allen harem, haha.
n0mster chapter 13 . 1/31/2013
Wow, the plot developments this chapter were really intriguing, what exactly is Michael? Who is Cross Marian really? And what exactly were those noah-like crystals? Were the two innocence which increased in power, restraining them somehow? Or was it something else?...
n0mster chapter 12 . 1/31/2013
This fic has been surprisingly interesting, it's in fact the first man fanfic I've read and I'm pleasantly surprised about how well-written it is so far. The abilities you've given Allen are intriguing as are the upgrades he's capable of giving. Your take on Noah abilities are quite interesting as well and the interactions between Allen and the various Noah are really amusing.
The thing I'm most surprised is the number of reviews you've gotten for this fic, I guess not many people follow the man genre, though I'm unsurprised since I was one of them. Really enjoying your story.
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