|Reviews for The Puppet|
| Princess Hashero chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
I loved it. cried the whole way(sob)
thanks please keep writing!
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/30/2011
nice story though i think zelda/sheik would have been more sympathetic
| anon66 chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
THE PUPPET. a horror story indeed .. XD
Yeah, jeez, really enjoyed reading this. The fact that you posted this a year ago and only have 7 (8 with meh) is kind of .. O_O
It's really good. Really.
Thank you for writing. I'll give you a cookie just for that. XD
| hygiei chapter 1 . 1/15/2010
Wow, this was so angsty that I cried, but in a good way. It was a very well done in my opinion and I liked the whole "only two strings broke" metaphor.
And I am not in anyway supporting yaoi.
| Tara Blossom chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
I loved the story. I don't know why but I like reading about dark link's death, even though I like Dark Link
| razorsfire chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
nah, its just that I get too many stories stuck in my head..along with being picky...
personally I like ghosts xD
I think you better stop thankin' me...
I've got quite a few more reviews to write xD
poor Dark though /
that's why I hate Ganon...
I like the endin' though ]
in a few years, he'll be back x3
great Job as always!
| Misa-chi chapter 1 . 5/7/2009
Simply amazing, I even cried toward the end. T_T Stunning story! SO Not an epic fail.
| Wavebreeze chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
The story was well written with great emotions and plot line. Although, I still managed to find some errors.
"The battleground was a wasteland. Panting and exhausted, I got there in an hour. I couldn’t let my flashes happen. I couldn’t let Ganondorf win.
I spotted the bridge the Sages had created. Taking a deep breath, I stepped on it. It flickered, but stood. Taking another breath, I ignored my fear and put both feet on it, running across. The Sages needed me. Zelda needed me.
Mostly, Link needed me.
As I jumped next to Zelda, she gasped. “Dark?” she asked."
At this part, I became extremely confused. First I thought he was at the battleground because you describe it in the beginning. But then I thought he just arrived at the castle because you talk of the bridge. In the end, I realized my first thoughts were correct. This problem mainly existed by organization. You first want to start with Dark arriving at the bridge and then you would explain how it took him an hour to get to the top. From there you need to make sure everybody understands what point of the castle you are at: the throne room, the place where Zelda is imprisoned, or the top of the ruined castle. I now know that the castle was already destroyed based off of my background knowledge. To explain this in your story, you put that part in that order and then you describe the scene. Show how the once magnificent castle now lay in a heap of stones and shattered columns. Maybe some ashes lay on top of the stones that were randomly scattered around. The circle of fire licked the sky as they crackled with intense heat. After giving a longer description than that (because that was just to give you an idea) you would then have Zelda speak as he landed next to her.
Going more on description, I think it would have been good to show how Zelda and Link looked at the scene of the battle. Dirt and ashes smeared on their faces, hair tangled together and danced around them. Clothes with tears.
Also, when you say, "As I jumped next to Zelda, she gasped. “Dark?” she asked." Here is where I shall go deeper into dialogue. Dialogue is not entirely the words inside the quotation and they don't always have to be a verb to explain the speech. For instance, instead of saying "she gasped" you could say "She gasped in surprise as she spun around to face me. Dirt, blood, and ashes were smeared across her face and her once elegant hair swam around her with the wind. 'Dark?' she breathed in astonishment with her eyes growing wide.' There I described her and added more onto the dialogue. (Note: it is best to describe somebody when you first meet them. If you meet them and they start to speak right away, use what I did in there; twist in their appearance and their tones to explain both at once. For example: she breathed in astonishment with her eyes growing wide. The first part explains how she talked and the second part emphasized her surprise.)
Sometimes it gets hard to think up of words to use instead of "said," "asked," etc. so I would recommend these websites. They are quick words that can be very useful when you're stuck. I use them a lot.
/completely_ (My second fav)
/PDFs/Writing_Tools/said_ (My fav! )
(least fav but still helpful XD)
That is about all the main points I can think of! But don't feel bad (if you do feel bad, I can't really tell from my view point). I love the plot and the way you tied his actions to Link's life. his hatred for Ganondorf was very strong and the emotions were well done!
| Moonlight-Zelda chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
Poor Shadow-kun! *huggles him*
(Yep, I've got an internet connection. _ With any luck, I'll be 'back' soon.)
Even if this is long, it is still very good. You display Shadow's character and life very well. I found myself wishing that this was longer. :)
Well, I hope to talk to you soon. *huggles, again, XD* _
| Velk chapter 1 . 3/16/2009
wow that is dark And I thought saw the darkest story's.