|Reviews for Not Our Fathers|
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/15/2014
| Forever Siriusly Sirius chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Ok I think this happened way too fast. I mean they hated each other? Where's the denial? The 'I can't lve her' ect. I mean she had a boyfriend, shouldn't she care?
There could have been more tension between them. Neither wants to admit that they care. They should've surged off as going from hate, to 'I can tolerate you', 'your not that bad', friends, then together.
Also when James admitted he loved her where was the build up? Was he nervous? Did he want to back out?
And would they really run away? Does family mean that little to them? Is James THAT confident that they'll be together forever?
So this could be really good, just slow down the pace alot. An I would like to see more of sophie's character. What she like? Nice? Stuck up? Pure blood mania? Stuff like that. Flaws, good and bad qualities. What do their friends think? Their families? Not everybody will approve. Everybody will have different reactions.
This isn't a flame okay? I'm not tryig to be mean. So please don't judge me. I think this has the potential to be a really really interesting story with sexual tensions and stuff. Just work on it xD
Maybe get a beta to read I've fit and help you.
| hpgrl95 chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
| SweetieCherrie chapter 1 . 2/11/2010
wow! i LOVE this story. please write another chapter, soon
this story is soo awesome. i can't wait to see what happens at christmas:D
| AlSevPXScorpHypM chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
Please wright more!
| Chocolate Chip Cookie and Milk chapter 1 . 4/1/2009
i felt this was kind of fast,
because in the beginning they were in a love/hate relationship, then went completely to love, then went to hate, and then love again.
i felt like you should have put more detail and conversation. Instead of saying, James's grades slipped, you should have had him in class, and he got a D or P. and show him filing it away with other Ds or Ps.
I also feel like this chapter is like a basic plot line. you explained the plot and that's it. if you want this to be a chapter fic, you should slice (figuratively) the story in sections, then write it out. Each section could be a chapter.
I can see that this fic has a great plot, but no detail. It's like having a fantastic cooking recipe, but no ingredients.
| trueroyalblue chapter 1 . 3/16/2009
Normally I hate OC's with a passion, but yours isn't bad at all, even good, actually. :) Can't wait to see what happens over Christmas Break!