|Reviews for I Own You|
| KiyomiShizuru chapter 14 . 12/12/2012
Its not called wake me up inside the song its Bring Me To Life- if I am correct it was also ft. Linkin Park. Sorry i am a fan of Amy Lee (Evanescence)
| TheCorpseGarden chapter 36 . 10/31/2012
Well, I still felt like it would be polite to review despite this story being on hiatus, so here goes:
Firstly, I really like the idea you have here, about the main OC going from being a prostitute on the streets to the Akatsuki's hands. I also really liked how there's a little bit of a background story between Kabuto and Sasori; that was well-thought and well done! Your ideas are interesting, so definitely don't lose those. You have very few spelling errors too, which is something a little rare on this cite. Keep up the careful work and editting.
I have a problem with several things that happen in this story though, and I'll tell you what a few of them are. I'll also give you some constructive criticism. First, you've made these criminals out to be WAY too nice and out of character in that sense and some cases. That's fine; it's your story. At least put a warning in the description saying that the Akatsuki are out of character, though. That seems fair. Also, Ayame is a character that has had a very scarred past and was raped multiple times, but she apparently easily trusts Sasori after some time goes by. It doesn't work like that, I'm sorry. The man is new to her, and it will take a while for her to actually trust him, not a short duration. Maybe you could have it so that he does certain things here and there to gain her trust (I'll leave deciding what things he does to you). When Ayame gets pregnant and goes to see Kabuto about it, she acts like she doesn't know she's pregnant, which really bothers me. If I was vomitting various mornings, I think I'd know (based on recent sex) that I was pregnant. It's not rocket science. She at least could have expected it, as he did cum inside her. There was no known contraceptive. Ayame's character in general is a mary-sue to me (predictable actions), and she shows rapid emotional change. She goes from being this scared prostitute to being this daring girl to being this girl "in love" with a gang member. That's another thing: "in love". You don't just fall in love with someone just like that, especially if you've been abused (there are trust issues and psychological issues). I won't get into anything else, as I've already tried to make this rather brief... But I hope you'll actually read what I've written and take what I've said into consideration; for this story and for future writings.
I'm going to keep an eye on this story for a while, just to see if anything changes whenever you decide to update (if you do, that is). I'm sure you've got the potential to fix things here and there if you do decide to. So... Good luck, happy writing!
| ACryForHelp chapter 14 . 3/28/2012
I love the story, and I think it's great, but the song is 'Bring Me To Life'.
| Broken.Paper.Bullets chapter 34 . 1/29/2012
0.0 yaoi? Woo hoo! Great chapter XD
| Weasle-Chan chapter 36 . 12/4/2011
sorry i forgot to login but if you contuine id like to keep reading its a great story so keep going with it yup that all i got xD
| Angelic visage chapter 3 . 11/15/2011
Seeing as I've already faced the wrath of not reviewing other chapters I shall do so here.
Another great story, I'm looking foreword to reading the rest, again well written an dramatically correct
| Wrath76 chapter 11 . 10/8/2011
Whoa, first chapters I read, I was like:
OH NO, NOT TWILIGHT, GODDAMMIT!
Then I read the previous chapter, it's like:
This person must watch the Girl from a Miniature Garden.
Anyway, you're style of writing is nice
| Guest chapter 36 . 8/2/2011
It's a good story so far. I'll probably continue reading it as long as there aren't too many more... lemons or limes inside the story. I'm scarred for life from that last lime... but other than that, I like the story and will keep reading it if you update.
| Guest chapter 23 . 8/2/2011
Wow. Talk about a twist in the story. Kabuto? I can't really describe the reaction to that. Orochimaru's right-hand man. As a doctor. Huh.
| Guest chapter 22 . 8/2/2011
...wow. That was... descriptive, to say the least. If that was a first-timer lemon, I don't think I can handle an experienced one without getting sick...
| Guest chapter 19 . 8/2/2011
It was very good for a romancy chapter. Especially for a first time. I like the lead off.
| Guest chapter 17 . 8/2/2011
Tobi, Tobi, Tobi. What in the world are we going to do with you? I wonder if Tobi has a Madara side in this story... Anyways, I laughed through this entire chapter. Good job! :)
| Guest chapter 16 . 8/2/2011
Oh Deidara. Him and his art. I laughed all the way through this chapter and I'm gonna laugh even harder when he blows up half the city... or one of the other members...
| Guest chapter 12 . 8/2/2011
| Guest chapter 8 . 8/2/2011
Vampires. Interesting new spin. Never seen that one before.