|Reviews for The White Flower|
| ApprenticeMagic chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
You did this nicely... all I can say is that you forgot the n in Rohan. :)
| softballgirl chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Wow, you have really captured Eowyn through a few verses. Brilliant job.
| Rivergift chapter 1 . 1/13/2012
Oh, this is lovely! I adored the use of poetry, the repetition of 'stay' worked really well for me and worked with the prose beautifully. You captured Eowyn's growing restlessness and frustration and the last verse was tragic and strong and perfectly in character. Wonderful job!
| Abject Tears chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
Nice job! I love the poetry and you did capture the character of Eowyn, Shieldmaiden who could not fight... Great write! :)
| Raksha The Demon chapter 1 . 7/23/2009
Eowyn is one of the more difficult characters to pin down in fanfiction stories. You capture her increasing frustration and sorrow very well here, and there is a great sense of release even as she accepts the challenge given her by fate.
| Vamp.Michelle chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
I loved your ending. It was very powerful and really pinned down Eowyn's character.
| Silivren Tinu chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
Eowyn's fate (before she met Faramir) has always saddened me. I think you really captured her soul in this story. The rhymes gave the story a wonderful rhythm, like pounding hooves. As I said before, I love the images you paint with your words, like in this sentence: "She was like a ray of sun in the dim morning, shining from a place of shadows and whispers, her golden hair streaming after her as she rushed outside, where the riders mounted their steeds with grim expressions." An amazing story. :)
| WindSurfBabe chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
I said previously that it was a beautiful story. I stand by my word... :D
| Lasgalendil chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
I like the contrast you have made here, playing off the scene where she begs Aragorn to take her with him. Seeing her speak with Theodred, Eomer, Theoden and Aragorn, always asking the same thing shows us a larger glimpse at her desperation to go and seek glory and reknown.
The repetition at places feels a little listless. I would like to see more of the emotion behind each scene-what motivates her to follow Theodred? Does she feel that he would understand her need to go? How close are they? Does she feel as though if she rode with him she could have protected him from harm? Or is she bitter that again a valiant death has escaped her? The same goes for Eomer-does she think that her brother knows her strength and courage, and therefore will not turn her away? Show us her love for Theoden motivating her to stay by his side-for once forgetting thoughts of valor and valiant deeds. I would even like to see you write original scenes (but still using some lines from the original so we keep that Tolkien feel) for the ones in the books, delving deeper into her emotions. Aragorn is a stranger-what makes her think he would understand her need so well? Show us a taste of the understanding she believes she sees in him, or the freedom he represents for her.
The poetry as well had an interesting effect. You used anaphora (repetition) of thoughts and ideas and phrases, especially "stay." I liked the idea of the poetry, however, I found in places that the poems themselves were weak and didn't have their desired effect. With such short lines and close rhyming, they sound in some places childish. In addition, the grammar is often confusing or missing words in order to make the meter. But mostly, they are not in the style of the Rohirrim! Your poetry is much more modern sounding and a little out of place for a 'daughter of kings.' Look for some good Nordic prose, and even re-read sections of LoTR to get in the groove of Norse poetic devices. Often it is alliteration, not rhyme sceme, that drives the lines, and each line contains two heavy beats (these poems were often associated with rowing songs) that bear the stress and usually the alliterated word. Since these poems are a change in POV, going from omniscient narrator to Eowyn's own words, I think it very important that it seem as though she does speak. The idea of a song instead of plain speech is poignant and sad-don't be afraid to toy around with these lines!
Eowyn is often referred to in language of a white flower. You capture that in your poetry well, but I would like to see it expanded on if you do revise. Mention the (is it symblemind?) that grows on the graves that line the road to Edoras. Mention Rohan's past kings, Eorl, the mythology and history that she would believe in and hold dear. I think this will help your readers to feel as though they are fully inside her head.
What you have here is an excellent premise. It is even well written. But I think you will find that this piece can DO EVEN MORE. I would love to see you work this over again and bring it to its full potential!
| openmeadow chapter 1 . 3/16/2009
I do seem to recall beta'ing this one :D As I said before, wonderful story! I love how the verses progress as the story goes on~ it ties in beautifully! Keep up the great work!