|Reviews for The Lighthouse Prologue: Love For A Fool|
| Tanya Takaishi chapter 11 . 12/3/2014
An epic filled with outstanding imagery and emotion. I'm a bit overwhelmed after reading everything straight through. This is such a complex beginning to a story - and just the prologue!
The Davis/Kari relationship that emerged from their battle with the Soul Sucker was absolutely amazing. My favorite part was the time they spent in eachother's memories. There was something so beautiful and heartwarming during those scenes that I think brought them to where they ended up. It was very real and wonderful. The sweet moment of them in Digiworld was really nice as well - the play on fool for love. So sweet. I absolutely love your portrayal of Davis. He is so much more grown up while still being a bit of a... fool shall we say? Really true to character while also developing.
Kari is a little off for some reason to me. She can certainly be snide and funny, but sometimes that seems to overpower her softer side in this. Then again, I identify with character almost least of all in the series despite my love for her, so it could be that I have a different understanding. She is certainly still recognizable as Kari and so it isn't too jarring.
I love Yolei(particularly her observance of Kari and Davis's new relationship which made me grin a bit) and Cody's (loved the sword and the funny moment with Chizuru) portrayals as much as I love Davis's. They seem spot on. Ken does as well, but I'm so worried for his dream and his fall back into darkness.
Speaking of, all these dreams and the mention of Lovecraft's C'thulu lore is amazing. Dagomon was certainly based off it and you've taken it to the level it should have gone in 02. Your imagery is straight out of his writing, but done with your own voice. I can easily get lost in the nightmares of this awful underworld. I can tell you are well read and certainly an extremely talented writer.
I have questions running through my mind about the "Soul Contract" Kari and Davis took part in. So far there isn't much repercussion for them? What part of their souls are missing? They seem very much whole and in tact and in fact a bit better off since they have these awesome new powers (I LOVE it when the destined can protect themselves). I'm hoping to see some answers in Lighthouse, but I'm also not sure when I can take the time to read such an epic and not get a bit lost. There are so many plotlines that I feel like it takes me a couple reads at times to get through. That certainly falls into the fantasy genre which this epic tale is. I hope I can find time to read it. I also would like to see how their new relationship develops throughout since you teased us until the end of the epilogues to see them together again. ;)
Devimon and TK totally threw me for a loop. I love Devimon as the fallen angel and all the digimon lore you obviously have researched/watched. I love TK's storyline and portrayal as well.
All in all, there is so much to this story - your writing style, the characters, the plot that I commend. Its very well done, obviously well planned. You certainly should write as a living.
| animeforever1 chapter 7 . 10/18/2010
Wow. I haven't quite finished with this story (I still have the epilogues to read). It's awesome. I really hope that you do continue with the rest of the 4 parts that you mentioned on your profile. Whatever happens (if you don't finish series), thanks you for the amazing story.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 5 . 6/29/2009
Your dialogue has improved. That was the first thing I noticed. Before, it seemed forced, but it's become much more honest. I really felt like that is exactly what you saw as you wrote it. It's as close to the fossil as you could get.
I liked Kari's "lust." It fit very well, I think especially considering your origin story for Lilithmon in Demon Chronicles.
Kari's new power is awesome. I'm just going to say that. I really enjoyed Davis's power, but Kari's is just...better. It might be because I admire lightning. Who knows? Either way, great job there.
I think the Cody section is the best piece of writing you've ever done, no doubt. I love it. It's chocked with emotion and description and narration and POWER. I've just begun to like Cody myself, and I think you've helped me to like him even more.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 4 . 6/17/2009
This one was fun to read. I think partially because I printed out a hard copy(my friend bought himself a PS3 for his birthday and I went with him to buy him a game. Read this in the car.). The internet is great, but nothing beats the feel of paper in-hand.
Anyway, because I read it as a hard-copy, I was able to critique it a little more heavily than usual(I had a pen on hand). I'm not going to go into everything because it's mostly just grammatical crap, but there are some things that struck me.
First off: Great song choice.
I had a problem with the first real line of the story. The cigarette butts line. It's completely off. A cigarette butt is what's left of a cigarette after you're done with it. You state that the eyes "seared into his skin like cigarette buds." Other than the use of "bud" instead of "butt," the fact still remains that cigarette butts don't sear. They're the cold, dry leftovers.
The phrase "a lit cigarette" would have been just as effective.
Moving down the pike, I absolutely LOVE the description of Devimon's feelings as he hits earth. You really go into detail on the contrast between Earth and the Digital World. The only problem I find with that is the last three words.
That doesn't really make any sense to me. Great rhyme, but little practicality. Most smirks possess teeth. Why should those teeth make this one "quirky"?
3 paragraphs later, you have the description of Devimon. I hate to be "mean," but this paragraph is a mess. It's two sentences, which isn't a bad thing. However, you're cramming too much into these sentences. You use the word "face" three times in the paragraph, twice in the first sentence. Along with that, you use the word "half" twice in 5 words at the beginning of the second sentence. The description is confusing and it just, in general, needs to be cleaned up.
I see what you're trying to do, and believe me, I know how hard it is.
Let's see, I don't have many marks after that...something here about Patamon's eyes "gleaming like starlights."
Starlights isn't necessary. Gleamed like stars, please. Simpler and more effective.
Oh...and here. You used the word gutturally...Good God. I can usually let that pass(I hate adverbs more than Nazis), but the way you used it was...it made me shiver.
"Devimon only gutturally snickered,"
Why not "He let out a guttural snicker"?
Why does snicker have to be a verb? If guttural is going to modify it, it should be a noun. And even if you keep it a verb, why does "gutturally" have to come first? This is just me ranting, but it is, honestly, an ugly statement.
I found nothing else wrong with the Patamon section. In fact, I liked it very much. I'm usually not a patamon fan, but you really painted him well.
The Davis section was brilliant. You did a great job revealing just enough about these "gods of oblivion" to keep me intrigued. And at the same time, you kept it full enough of narration that I wasn't bored to tears by description.
The next section, the Davis-in-Kari's-body section, was just as-if not more-brilliant. It just seemed so...real to me. So honest.
Keep up the great work. Hope to speak with you soon.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 3 . 6/13/2009
This is kind of all over the place, so just bear with me.
I really like Davis's new "power." It reminds me of the digi-soul of Savers.
Heh, douchewaffles, awesome.
The Davis-meets-Kari scene was very well done. It reminds me my own version of events.
Hah! The monster's not dead. That's worth a few chuckles.
"Goku's Super Saiyan face on the surface of that shiny band-aid."
Brilliant and beautiful. A great image.
Overall, another great installment. I really enjoyed the end, though I had to read it over twice to figure out exactly what was going on(the final scene was a little fuzzy in the description department.)
I can't wait to read more and keep up the great work.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 2 . 6/12/2009
I'll review as I read, if that's okay with you.
I like the beginning very much. I'm a little iffy on the "her brother" statement. Kari does have a sometimes-creepy obsession with her brother. I don't know that she would see him as annoying, regardless of how annoying he is.
Also, why titanium? It's nit-picky, but titanium seems a little...odd and out there. It's not that relatable, I guess. Steel would have been more appropriate, I think.
I love the "you can't have me" paragraph. The description is spot-on and the metaphors are great. However, Kari seems a little bi-polar. She begins the paragraph with "You can't have me" and ends it crying for Tai and TK.
She does it again later, exclaiming that she won't do anything until she knows where they are, but then crying for help again two seconds later.
"The paragon of troubling other people." I love this entire paragraph, but that statement really stuck with me. It's so well thought out, so beautifully placed. Bravo.
I also seem to have a problem with your dark voice. Not with its intentions or its existence, per say, but its voice. You've got lines like, "My brethren could extend their invitation for another time, attack then." It seems so sophisticated. However, you then have statements like, "We'll eat 'em all then, yum yum." which seem almost juvenile. I think you need to pick a style and stick with it.
I love Yolei's section. I have no criticisms there. It's just good. All around, everything about it. The idea of the destined themselves getting into the fight is a great image and I congratulate you on it.
Great chapter. A few hiccups, but that's to be expected.
Keep up the great work.
| goggleboy4444 chapter 11 . 6/10/2009
I really loved this chapter, it wasn't your best in my mind, but some of the sections were by far some of the best stuff you written.
For example the TK Patamon and Devimon scene was incredibly well done. I really am looking forward as you expand that relationship,you have done a really good job with it so far, and though I was skeptical at first I am now really beginning to enjoy their bond. I am really debating whats going to happen when this is all over. Assuming that TK and Devimon live what would there relationship be like. Would they become friends, or would TK send him down to digi hell. My suspicion personally is that Devimon is going to die in battle. No real evidence, but he seems like the perfect character to die in battle. Then we can see the strength of TK's/Patamon's feelings for him when he moves on.
Now I did a bit of looking around and I think I have found two of the other three endless ones that you were talking about. The first one is just a guess, but they way you were referring to other dimensions and old friends my mind instantly went to Piedmon. Peidmon is in another dimension and he would be a nice addition. Plus he is the definition of an old friend. Just a guess, but it fit the context well.
The second one has a bit more facts to it. I read the Devimon scene a couple of times. BUT I have gotten this so far, Devimon joined up with TK to get back at his old master. Devimon's master back when he was an Angemon was Seraphimon. Now if Angemon converts to Devimon when he forfeits his soul, Seraphimon converts to none other than (drum roll please) DAEMON! (I feel so smart) but, this also fits with the "old friend" message from gennai because of that short episode stint in 02.
The only thing i did not really like was the shuu and shin scenes, that's more my fault than yours. I just really never got to know the characters. I am not sure if your making up their personalities on the fly or I missed something. I get the context of whats going on. Shuu, I liked a good bit more, and Joe was really well done. I say that because I was thinking of Gomamon before Joe said "Hey, I think Gomamon's rubbing off on me."
Shin I think its just becasue i don't understand the background of his and Mimi's relationship. Its like watching an old friend get into a fight with her ex-boyfriend that i never knew existed. I am thinking the whole time, wha? Once again my bad not yours. When you do one of your uber awesome replies you mind touching up on whats going on there?
I like everybody having there own story in the epilogues, it fits alot better with this second piece of the puzzle that was last chapter. I think there was one thing that should have been changed. This chapter was epic, almost 14k words and 28 pages...(yes i checked) though last chapter was not even 5k words. Maybe I am wrong, but I felt like a few of these sections could have been placed in the last one. It would have made that chapter better and prevented me from having to spend upwards of 2 hours on a single chapter read. I am not complaining, but I lose focus, so i am assuming others will as well. Why not put the Shin and Shuu sections last chapter? The others I can make a good argument for in this one, though those sections could go both ways. Just curious to why you had one giant chapter and one not so giant chapter...
I liked the name of the last chapter too, I have been focusing on them to get a better understanding of the chapter. I like the metaphors you have going on so many levels. In Devimon's scene the winds of change and the water starting everything anew, but in the Kari scene it represents chaos.
Finally it was nice to see Kari and Davis. I must say i enjoy those scenes alot no matter how well you do them. Its dakari dammit and i enjoy them.
Anyway I hope for a quick reply, Im curious to see if my estimated guesses have some validity.
| Booklover13 chapter 11 . 6/10/2009
Wow, once again may I say (at least I think I've said this before) if this is how awesome the Prologue is then the story will be unbelieveable. It still amazes how wonderful authors like you write such long chapters, it took me a half-hour to read(its a good thing).
It's good to see what an active role the humans will have in this fight. Not to mention the different angle that this can be seen from. I liked the contrast of Gatomon v. Davis and Devimon v. TK. I loved the part of Devimon's past, it really gives him deepth and adds another thing to the god-I-have-to-find-out-what-happens-next-list. Also added is what Genni knows.
As for Mimi's little incounter... I'll be keeping an eye on that Kido brother. He seems like hes already started on a dark path with no true intention of changing his ways. As for Shuu, I think we have a profet on our hands.
The Davis-Kari connection think was very well done, I think somea uthors have a tendency to have people get together together a lot sooner than they should but your's is well placed a makes sense for them to be at theh point they are at.
Hurry up and get that story out, I want to read it (makes pathedic sad face).
This review was 1229 characters long.
| Lord Pata chapter 11 . 6/7/2009
Wow! loved the Patamon escenes here, at last someone who gives Patamon some maturity showing that he can mature with the years and not remain only as the innocent and playful litte guy
| Booklover13 chapter 10 . 6/6/2009
First off, sorry it took me so long to review. This has been the most hectic week of my life. As for the story, you always seem to deliver, and this chapter was no dissapointment. I would like to note the humour facter of the chapter's title (and the three before it),the irony of the Prologue having an epilogue. You realize that now when you make and Epilogue for this story expect it to have a prologue.
Yay for Izzy, winning at chess is not easy. I have to day that Ken has done a very good job at motivating Izzy. Then agian they are both men, and it isn't hard to figure out what motivates mean. I am really excited to hear Kens story, I have a mini-obsesion with the seven deadly sins and virtues in general.
Cody represents the other side of the coin. Boy needs to buck up and see life outside of training. Chizuru seems just like the girl to do it. I loved that interaction by the way. Having his grandpa aprove of the union made it even better.
As for Sora I don't know what to say other than I'm hooked and can't wait to see where you go with this.
This review was 1109 charaters long.
| Narutokid666 chapter 10 . 6/5/2009
That. Was. Awesome. Nothing epic, but it still entertained me. What will happen to Sora? I think Cody and Ken opening a training center is kindof fiting. Nice touch with the protraits!
| Just a Shadow on the Wall chapter 10 . 6/3/2009
not bad not bad. good luck on the final epilogue.
| kricken chapter 10 . 6/2/2009
oh my god what is going to come next! 15/10!
| Anonymouse chapter 10 . 6/1/2009
This seems really interesting. Ken and Izzys segment was a nice touch. Codys was sad. Soras was relly interesting! I wonder who her dad is and how he factors in...
| Goggleboy4444 chapter 10 . 5/31/2009
Hey its goggleboy, forgive the fact that I'm on the itouch instead of my comp so i havent logged int, but its the same person.
First, I disliked the fact that you already set the story in motion 3 months. I think that was a poor choice to do in the fourth epilouge. You obviously must have a point behind it, but I found this whole chapter to be unnecessary besides character development. Normally I love charecter development, it really adds to the story, but i just felt that this whole chapter was completely out of place. I wasn't really sure what to expect, I knew it would be a filler chapter, I just think you could have timed it alot better.
I think you portrayed the emotions between Izzy and Ken extraordinarily well. Izzy smug yet bashful, while Ken was outwardly calm, but still supportive. A nice little touch with Yolie there as well. I disliked the setting that you placed them in. Other than something like training a connection between Izzy and Tentamon, I can not really see how teaching Izzy judo is going to be helpful against some bad ass monster. They should be training the digimon, and letting the digidestined learn strategy. I hope your not going to have izzy get dragon ball z powers or some crap (I know with your canon approach that you would not let that happen, but that is sort of the vibe you are giving out.)
I had mixed emotions on the Cody scene as well, him as a teacher is a great setting, and his little chat with Chizuru brought out the side that I liked about him. Until of course that little bit at the end...Didn't like that as much. I just felt Cody should have been a little stronger than that. Hes usually the one that gets angry at people when they make jokes like that, not get red in the face...Hes shy, but that seemed off...I also expected him to be doing bigger and better things than sitting in a dojo. Maybe posting tactics for chosen around the world, or other military forces. Yet hes flirting with girls three months before there all gonna get attacked? So not cody, hes always got the big picture in mind, i think he would think bigger than kendo...
Finally Sora's scene was just down right confusing, it made very little sense to the main plot you have going. The mini side quest seems cool, a nice original idea of "B" being a man or a mon...It just was so off, so out of place. I agree that every digidestined should have there own quest, but the point of epilouges is to answer questions before asking bigger questions...All you did was ask questions in that section, and while I approve of the idea, the timing was just off...
Now I know it was a pretty negative (sowwy!) review that doesn't mean the chapter was bad. (In fact the chapter was quite good) It was just the timing of this scene was horrendous. It would have been a great first or second chapter of the next story, just poorly executed when you thrust it in randomly as you did. I know its your story and you probably have everything in your view, but I will repeat my argument which is...Why now? You had alot of questions left unanswered after chapter 9, (TK's recovery, where was mimi btw?, Tai and Kari) And you seem to skip out on them...
I have a feeling that you won't disappoint, but im just making sure you don't.
Oh before i forget two things I will answer in your PM to me right now.
First the Dakari Takari triangle. No I did not expect there to be one, when Davis gets the girl right away its kind of hard to have a love triangle thats very good. So after you have instant Dakari I did not expect a love triangle. While this plot device can be very good, and very interesting to read, I am sort of glad I can read a dakari without it. Its better this way and I am not disappointed about it not being there. (I like original stuff, so this is more original) Though I have really changed my dakari ways, I used to hate him, despise him for taking Kari. Recently he is character 1B in my fiction. I love the guy, and I respect the relationship that TK and Kari have. (This is partially Lord Pata knocking some sense to me, and partially me maturing as a writer) So when TK wakes up in the hospital I was expecting alot more emotion than you described. I was looking forward to see you would deal with that scene. In my mind it was my mental test to see how you would deal with character relationships. I wanted to see how well you would handle the emotional roller coaster that is TK and Kari. That is why I sort of hinted to it being an important scene. That is why I was a bit bummed that you completely skipped out on that and focused on Devimon being there. While the Devimon Idea was cool, I still felt that you hadn't handled the situation at hand. If you felt that TK and Kari being reunited after that experience was not big, specially with tk in the hospital your wrong. There close and you did not really do their friendship justice I felt. (s0o0o0o0o different from the old me...)
Second as for my writers block Ive put it on hold and sorta taken a different path. I will have to do that scene soon, probably next chapter, but now i have a giant battle which is nice...And is easier to focus on than the scene. And that scene by the way, the one i have been struggling with is the intense emotional roller coaster that is TK and Kari...Their bond has so many facets its just impossible to fully comprehend it.
Anyway, I know this is a much different review than what you were expecting. Ive decided to take a much more constructive approach to reviewing your story. There are not many flaws, but I will make sure you know about the ones that I think are flaws. No longer will I call everything perfect, because thats not fair to you...Though its still me, G4, ready for business...