|Reviews for The Legend|
| Cpt.McNipples chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
I like the story so far. I just wish there were more DearS fanfiction...
| Major Mike Powell III chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
Well, well, soldier...
FINALLY! Somebody FINALLY makes a shoujo-ai "DearS" fic!
And...well...I can't say it's groundbreaking or anythin'.
I agree with Arch3rher0. It's a WHOLE lot easier to follow the conversations if you separte the quotes.
Besides, if you cram all the talking, one gets the feelin' that the whole thing is turnin' out as totally rushed. So, relax, take it easy. Slow down.
Also, I think you need to describe more. 'Cuz everything feels so...so fast paced if there's no description. So, try to work on that.
Oh yeah, and watch for those spelling errors. They're flyin' all over the place. LOL
So, yeah, this thing HAS a lot of potential. Just, polish it up a little, 'k?
Keep it up.
Update ASAP! That's an order!
Semper-Fi! Carry on!
| Arch3rher0 chapter 1 . 4/11/2009
Interesting set up you have here, I wouldn't have thought of pairing ren with miu, though, honestly from the opening for the anime, it should probably seem pretty obvious...
Alright, so down to business; it's easier to keep track of conversations if you separate the quotes, you know, have a line per quote, instead of cramming two or three pieces of the conversation in one line like you have here. Also, maybe you should consider marking out changes in scene or lapses in time using markers or putting in extra empty lines, kind of like the transition between the prologue and the beginning.
I see that you can spell check and put together a sentence, which is more than can be said of other fics.
I'm interested to see where this story gets taken...