|Reviews for Love N Marriage Go Together Like|
| Flint and Feather chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
I paid close attention to all the details of your very substantial story, enjoyed it like crazy! I may never write a comicverse, but learned a lot from you.
| Joelle Hart chapter 1 . 4/28/2009
I'm really impressed by the depth, detail, and narration of this story! As Epalladino said, it's very much like the original comics in its blend of humor, simply presented epic drama, and that touch of poignancy.
I generally start out against OCs, but yours won me over right away. I agree with Epalladino, that you should have some more from him at the end of the story - that's saying that I'd like to see more of him! I also like that the general is named Virgil - that's a reference to Dante's Inferno, isn't it?
Great job of capturing comics!Hellboy. You hit his matter-of-fact attitude and sense of humor just right. A couple of my favorite bits: that he "did some stunts" in the desert for fun; "poor horse, and he can't even die", "my father is a demon, I'm pretty sure he was a rolling stone as well")
You do have some problems with typos, that would be cleared up with a good beta. I'm going to list some of them here, but you need a good thorough edit.
-other technological stuff that hadn't even come out until the new millennium (wouldn't)
-So the day the Kate came to my room alone ("the Kate", LOL)
-From around her neck he took her necklace with a cross, the one she always wore on missions. (need to correct this for Kate, not Trevor)
-watched him respectively from a distance (respectfully)
-His chant was long and breathe-taking; literally, he ran out of breathe after speaking (breath)
-It's skin was black and decayed (its - you had this problem a few times
"No it's not." Astaroth, " (said)
I really hope you write more. The problems you have with typos and phrasing will smooth out easily with practice, but the important stuff - a mind for character, speech, imagery - is all there. I think you will be a great writer!
I'd love to see more Hellboy stories from you.
| epalladino chapter 1 . 3/18/2009
Fun story in the vein of the original comics. Mignola often liked putting Hellboy into humorous situations and this reminded me of those comics. I especially liked the scene between Persephone and Hellboy. It was very touching. You do seem to have a good grasp of the characters. I also liked the OC that you had in the beginning of the story, but you did seem to spend a lot of time developing a character that you never come back to. Maybe you might have a little more with him in the end.
That being said, some of your dialogue formatting and spelling were just enough off to be a touch distracting. All separate lines of dialogue should be set off in their own paragraphs. In several places you have people's dialogue strung together into one paragraph and that's makes it more difficult to follow. In general, your spelling was decent with just a few typos here and there. However, certain proper names were consistently misspelled. 'Shoel' should be 'Sheol', 'Astraroth' should be 'Astaroth', and 'Anung um Rama' should be 'Anung un Rama'. Also, in the beginning 'Feburary' should be ' February'. I always have trouble with that one myself.
A good beta would help you to clean up these errors and that would improve an already good story.
| Xandrya chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
This was a really interesting idea and I really liked it. I think you really captured the personalities of the characters well. Awesome. :)
| Peya Luna chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
though im still utterly clueless why you chose to name this fic as you did, i really like it! hb being a celebrity in hell, and more than a bit tempted to stay...Wow! and persephone seems to be kindred spirit...maybe you could write a sequel where the newly weds pay a visit to red during their honeymoon? i would love to see/read some brotherly bickering ;-) i mean, not only is 'ozzie' all but a midget by demon standard, he also got a wife who seems to hate his guts but likes red and he knows very well that hes only the boss cause hb doesnt want to - and that his big bro could take over the crown whenever he wants. plus i bet astarot isnt the only who - more or less secretly - wishes that red would claim the crown, and oz got to know this if hes no complete idiot. all in all, hes got to be really pissed off, clashing with reds general cocky/smug/arrogant attitude, that would make for one fierce family gathering LOLOLOL