|Reviews for Racing Time|
| microscope chapter 10 . 2/21
Omg yaass. I need more of this OMG please update soon!
| microscope chapter 1 . 2/20
I LOVE THIS STORY! You are such an amazing author. I enjoy your interesting insight, and the way you describe how Wilbur copes with the whole plight. What a clever predicament! Genius! :D
| milomeepit chapter 10 . 12/16/2014
WOW! I really don't know what to say! This story is great! It's written VERY well (although from what I can glean from author's notes, there's been a more than mild overhaul, hehe), and the story flows magnificently. I love the way you've grabbed the characters with both hands and moulded them into the situation while still keeping them themselves. It's just... everything about this is FANTASTIC! I can't wait for more of this story! With all of the little twists and turns (and the big ones!) it certainly keeps the reader guessing. I love this so much. Thanks for sticking to writing this, despite hiccups along the way. I know how hard it can be when you get stuck on a particular part for a while _; so I commend you for your perseverance!
| I.D.Gr chapter 9 . 12/14/2014
my god my review was os long it went over the word count lol it only cut off my last sentence though: Other than editing and improving the clarity of your writing more, you've got the makings of beautiful fic (that I think about on a literal daily basis), because it is honestly a sight for sore eyes in this painfully tiny fandom. ok now ill shut up
| I.D.Gr chapter 1 . 12/14/2014
Boy oh boy is it high time I review the last few chapters of this bad boy. :) After I got your message I popped in to see your page and then proceeded to rampage through 'These Small Hours', which I'll review later because that last update was a punch to the feels. D:
ANYWAY I took the liberty of re-reading the whole dang thing (multiple times because I have no life) since you said you edited some things but I'll be honest: if there was anything at all that changed in your writing in the last 5 years I didn't notice it. Good news your skills didn't shrivel up, bad news you're still making the same mistakes but all of them range from mildly annoying to nitpicky. Bear with me, I might repeat myself because it's been five years.
What's mildly annoying, but I think very important that you work on, is your overuse and misuse of euphemisms, especially hair-related ones. Variants of 'the raven-haired teen' and 'the blonde' are the ones that pop up most often. Euphemisms can work to establish different relationships, or introduce characters only by appearance/title/relationship or even bring attention to specific details but only when absolutely necessary. Otherwise, they bog down the flow of the story and can become a bit confusing. 'The rookie' is good because 'Nick' would just be completely inappropriate, but always referring to Wilbur as 'the raven-haired teen' when we know for sure who Wilbur is, what his hair colour is and how old he is isn't just unnecessary but really distracting. Honestly references to appearances just distract more than add to the story, especially in a movie fic. Also, referring Carl as an 'AI' is just really confusing, I've never seen AI used as a noun like that before. Don't be afraid to just use pronouns, you can shorten and clarify a lot of your sentences if you were to replace things like 'the man on the other line' with a simple 'he' or a first name. Using pronouns and names aren't as repetitive to the reader as euphemisms if it's clear. This, if you stop reading right here is literally the only thing you need to work on.
A few other, nitpickier, things on word choice: why do you refer to Cornelius as 'Robinson' when he's only talking to Wilbur? If he were talking to someone from the police or at RI it would make more sense given their professional relationship, but when it's just his family, who also happen to share the same surname, it's a little... odd? As well, it does irk me a bit that she's referred to as 'Mrs. Smith' rather than Chief Smith or at least Detective or Officer Smith, especially in a story set in 2037. I'm not sure why Wilbur would consider a cinnamon roll his mom baked the same day his 'prised possession'. 'Evasive' is a word I'm sure a lot of 13 year olds know, but just don't use in regular conversation. How did Franny know they were out of cinnamon rolls if they were in the kitchen while the rest of the family were in the living room the whole time?
In terms of grammar, you have some minor punctuation errors, some misplaced and superfluous conjunctions and a few sentence fragments (especially in chapter 1), but most of them aren't confusing. I would still consider editing them, though since they can get a little distracting sometimes. A common typo I'm seeing is when you've split compound words like 'nevertheless' and 'lookout'.
The pace seems fine, it would start to drag on if you went any slower but since I'm getting the distinct feeling it'll pick up in the next chapters, it should be good.
My last tiny criticism is maybe try to include the other family members somehow? I know you can't write a scene with 14 extra characters who aren't even that involved in the plot but a reference here or there so it doesn't feel like a big empty house. I dunno this is advice that you can take it or leave it.
And now for the part we've all been waiting for: me gushing about how much I love this fic. You know I think this is literally one of the first fanfictions I've ever read. The very first was a weird relatively ok quality one on like fiction press or something equivalent where Wilbur storms out of the garage as Cornelius is working on something. Anyway point is, to this day, it is still one of my favourites :D
First and foremost, characterisation, the heart of any story, is definitely on point. At least for Cornelius and Wilbur because the rest of the cast are only fleshed out enough to fulfill their supporting roles/not to become Mary Sues (understandable).
It's clear that Cornelius is man who likes to be 'in the know' of any given situation which you've shown without turning him into a control freak (ie his refusal to use a sling and take painkillers. now that's really stubborn) I absolutely love how you've opened the story by talking about how Lewis dismantled a rainmaker. And he would. I wonder if these little references to his orphanage days will lead to something more or if they are stream-of-thought character devices? Either way it works. I must say I rather enjoyed the comment about how Cornelius withstood injuries that would 'knock a rookie out for a week' guess that comes with job, being around explosive prototypes. The hospital reunion with the family was just too cute oh my god, and with Bud and Lucille acting normal. Your portrayal of Cornelius is a definite step-up from what I've seen, he's calm, rational, professional yet has a sense of humour. He feels like the natural adult, matured version of Lewis and he actually reads like a genius? That's a pretty weird thing to say but geniuses can be tough to write, especially with preventing them from looking like know-it-alls (or stereotypical anti-socials). Seeing him became completely relaxed, spurting out non-sequiturs under the saline drip was a refreshing juxtaposition. I'm definitely waiting for some of his flaws to start to become more apparent, which you've hinted at a little with his threats to Hughes and hacking the police station.
My favourite Wilbur-related line is probably the part where Adam remarks how the former is always paying attention. Partially (I'm assuming) because he inherited Cornelius' observant tendencies but also because his primary virtue is his genuine concern for others. His snarky-ness, on the other hand, is so entertaining. Wilbur mirrors Cornelius in all these little ways like how he's constantly trying not to be left out of the loop.
I really like the weird post-time machine mishap relationship between Wilbur and Cornelius. Pretty odd if you think about it too much.
Franny, though she has always been a minor character, in the book, the movie and this fic is my runner up favourite character after Cornelius. I love Cornelius' tiny comments of admiration whenever she's around. I think, considering how well put together she is, her eventual unraveling will be the most apparent.
It's interesting to see how the entire Conner family are a sort of foil to their respective Robinson counterparts.
Kelly is just one, big, mentally unstable mystery, which you thankfully haven't crossed over into ableism. I'm really starting to warm up to her and, I'm pretty sure I've said this in another review but, I'm almost 99.9999% sure she's the girl who works at both companies. There is no doubt in my mind that she isn't one of the part-time secretaries at USR. For the longest time I thought she was going to be Wilbur's kidnapper considering how triggered she was by Wilbur's picture (as the only other POV besides the police, USR and the Robinsons I guess that would be too obvious?). Which begs another question: why would the news/court show focus so much on Wilbur at all? Is it just a plot device? I don't watch court shows so maybe I don't know but I feel like they wouldn't be listing a homicide victim's son's academic achievements, even he were famous.
and just what is Hughes/Moyer's involvement if they didn't instigate the shooting obviously they're corrupt but what will all this lead to? And I'm still dying to know what's up with Kelly and why she's suddenly started driving. So many questions D:
Everybody is so close to their breaking point and I can't wait to see them all snap over that ransom note. (Ah the beauty of fiction writing)
Some miscellaneous comments you don't really need to answer: I'm wondering if letting Wilbur drive the car home will affect anything because I don't think that's entirely legal. Although it is a small detail. I find it strange that Jake has more injuries than Cornelius. Was the shooter clumsy, or actually aiming for Jake instead? Or is this just a plot device? Was Cornelius' reflexes just faster? The fact that Cornelius managed to expand Wilbur's console battery to three days has impressed me for the last five years. I'd just like any of my electronics to make it past 3 hours. Damn iPhone battery. Huh. Just how bad at driving is Franny? Are all these time-travel references just continuity from the movie or is there something more to it? 'Television rots your brain' Is he from the 80s? 'Before they take my badge' classic cop show Wilbur, no, don't use a gramophone for LPs D: I wonder if those muffled voices of conversation are Spike and Dimitri demanding people ring their doorbell. Did Cornelius just stop sleeping altogether? Does he try to go to bed and then start wandering around the house out of insomnia? Actually what does he do with all this newfound 'free' time anyway? Cornelius worked as a computer technician for the police before RI or was he the actual inventor of their entire security system? That's a lot of power to one person. I'm still kind of in awe at how he just hacked the system on a whim like that. Imagine Ferguson if they'd hacked the police's database. TAYLOR YOU NIMROD WHy why would he just sit in his car outside the police station? *facepalm*
Other than editing and improving the clarity of your writing more, you've got the makings of beautiful fic (that I think about on a literal daily basis), because it is honestly a sight f
| Guest chapter 10 . 11/28/2014
Wow I can't believe you decided to continue this story, It's been years :D and I dont have the access to my account anymore so I'll have to post like that. I am looking forward to seeing next chapters and how the story ends. And I guess I'll have to reread it cos I dont remember much (no offence) :D but keep up the good work!
| Minato's Legacy chapter 8 . 9/19/2014
That song is Don't Bother Me by the Beatles!
Yes, haven't heard that in so long. So, not to be presumptuous, but when is the next chapter gonna be posted? I know it's not high on you need to do list but this is a really awesome story and I just adore how well you seem to grasp and enlarge all of the characters , well, character. I especially love how you write Cornelius. His positive outlook and sunny blond hair belaying the very protective man who knows exactly what he'll do if Andersons behind this. Please update if you can I really enjoy this.
| Lilljo chapter 8 . 8/18/2014
I hope that you can finish this story, although is has been a very long time since you last updated. Because this story is really good and has great potential! I hope you don't give up on this one :D
| djgirl911 chapter 8 . 4/2/2014
I realize this story is probably long forgotten but this is my feel good movie and its an excellent fanfic. You did promise that every fic would one day be finished so here's to hoping!
| Myfangirlthings chapter 7 . 12/30/2011
ok, the last review was for "the art of chargeball".
that's awesome lol
| Myfangirlthings chapter 1 . 12/30/2011
this is so funny :D
| Myfangirlthings chapter 8 . 12/26/2011
hey, I don't know what song is that, but it's really funny.
great story, please finish it.
you could make a chapter for wilbur to visit lewis in that "InventCo" thing, it would be nice.
I can't believe cornelius was serius when he told him not to go. come on, he's denying a gift to himself.
it's just an idea, ok?
| Myfangirlthings chapter 3 . 12/24/2011
how can this be so sad and funny at the same time?
| Myfangirlthings chapter 2 . 12/24/2011
This chapter was so sad and scary. oh my god...
good work :D
| Lucky OCB chapter 5 . 10/2/2011
I can't help but wonder what you mean by this Sam character looking " eerily similar " to Wilbur. I would love for you to update again, as Kelly Milton has certainly left me wondering, from the time I first read this chapter and the rest of the story to today while I reread the story. I'm anxiouz to see what role she plays.