|Reviews for Future with the Ancients|
| Cassandra30 chapter 2 . 4/6/2009
Way cool! Looking forward to all of this story!
| Cassandra30 chapter 1 . 4/6/2009
I love the new AU. I really like the idea that someone in this world may actually have eyes in their heads and be willing to do their jobs! Wonderful!
| nachtdemon chapter 5 . 4/6/2009
Its very well written.
| Stunna21 chapter 5 . 4/6/2009
good story so keep writing and update soon its great.
| the-dreamer4 chapter 4 . 4/3/2009
In the immortal words of Oliver Twist,
"Please, sir (or miss), may I have some more?"
I like this ... very much! But it's more than 'tomorrow' after chapter 4, so I hope chapter 5 will be around soon.
Let's see ... constructive ... a few nitpicks from this aspiring copyeditor follow. (Yes, I know this review itself isn't totally using correct grammar, but I consider reviews a conversation rather than a composition.)
-"hurt by the Dursley's" ... just Dursleys (plural). The apostrophe is possessive, and makes one wonder what belonging to a Dursley was hurting him (belt, fist, attitude). See what I mean?
-When you start a quotation, you are using the format:
... somebody said "what they said. Then more stuff."
The correct way would be:
... somebody said, "What they said. Then more stuff."
or, if there is a complete sentence before the dialogue,
... something happened. "What they said. Then more stuff."
In the other direction:
“Hey now” Shihosa lightly chucked ...
Needs to be:
“Hey now.” Shihosa lightly chucked ...
If what followed wasn't a complete sentence on its own, and/or describes how the dialogue was delivered, then you'd use a comma.
"Hey now," Shihosa said with a soft smile.
The '...' is used mostly when the speaker's voice trails off or the speaker is interrupted.
End of lesson *grin* Though I don't have time to be a beta (if you wanted one), if you like I can try to review or PM the little fixes I come across after posting.
Now, yell at your muse to hurry up and finish inspiring the next chapters. We're waiting!
| Carola-x chapter 4 . 4/3/2009
Great once again. Please update sooN!
| hpfananita chapter 4 . 4/2/2009
Great start to your story, I bet Harrys going to need that protective necklace.
I am adding the story to my c2 and look forward to seeing what happens with the story.
| Charmedfanforeva chapter 4 . 4/1/2009
Excellent beginning to your story. I can't wait until there are more chapters. I loved the part regarding how Shihosa made the necklace for Harry's protection. Can't wait to see what will happen to the Dursley's.
| GinaStar chapter 4 . 3/31/2009
Excellent! Very well written! I look forward to reading more! I especially enjoyed the making of the "charm" necklace..very detailed!
| Sparkie3222 chapter 4 . 3/31/2009
wow this is getting really good!
cant wait till the rest!
| Essabellia chapter 4 . 3/30/2009
I dont give out much constructive critisism, but i love your story and i really really really really wanna find out more about Shihosa I also kinda wanna know for to pronouse her name right? i have dislycsya um that thing where you get letters like b and d an and sometimes y confused i also have a huge problem with numbers, but mainly just pronousing odd names and words...I speak backwards sometimes too! its so uber funny! so yeah, if you could tell me if its pronoised the way its spelt or whatever that would be amazing!
| MaileS chapter 4 . 3/30/2009
your story is really sweet so far. In this story are the Ancients like Fae creature or like the ancients in Stargate?
| Sparrownightmare chapter 4 . 3/30/2009
I like this so far, just wish the chapters were a bit longer:)
Keep up the good work!
| Carola-x chapter 3 . 3/28/2009
I really like your story. Please update soon!
| Elfwyn chapter 3 . 3/27/2009
Actually, I think anybody with the smallest empathic abilities would want Harry away from the Dursleys as fast as possible, and it seems to me Shihosa has a great deal of empathy to hear Harry's call so I think this is just right.