Reviews for Shakugan no Shana: Eternal Alliance
Reader chapter 25 . 6/29/2010
This Story Just Great..!

Can't Wait For The Sequel..!
shanasololi chapter 25 . 6/12/2010
Man, i've to read the third installment of yours! Can't wait!
shanasololi chapter 25 . 6/12/2010
OMG! The best fanfic i've ever read! I was crazy 'bout your stories! TTTT I wish you could write it a little more longer. However, i'll always keep these stories in my heart. Thank you so much!
Moonless Sky Rinna chapter 25 . 5/9/2010
i totally love this but next time or for the next story i think u should try romance like phelesxjohan yujixshana hecatexOc margeryxkeisaku and so on
Moberemk chapter 25 . 4/22/2010
Okay this is going to be a meta-review for the entirety of Eternity thus far (mostly because I didn't really want to waste time writing a review instead of just moving on to the next installment-sorry!) I'll be doing this in point-form because HOLY CRAP THERE'S A LOT, both that you wrote and that I have to say.


The Good:

-Strong character development is prevalent throughout the story for certain characters; particularly as seen with Hecate and Yuji. Hecate in particular has a strong, believable growth from villain to hero, and characters like Keisaku and Margery both show an interesting arc to them. It's nice how you play up Wilhelmina's mother hen side; it helps make her feel more relatable. And I especially like what you did with Yuji's dad; between his deal with Sabrac and his deductive skills, it's easy to tell how similar he really is to his son.

-Awesome action scenes. It's hard to write action and still make it interesting, but you still manage to pull it off fairly consistently. There are a few moments where it feels a bit slow and repetitive-there's only so many ways you can say "The two blades clashed together" before it becomes repetitive after all-but that's more a fault of the medium.

-You actually take advantage of what would usually just end up being fridge logic by the fans, things like "Why doesn't Yuji just keep all the torches alive with the Reiji Maigo" or "Why not man Sereiden with hundreds of Dominoes instead of Denizens?" and your story is stronger for it; smart writing like that means less plotholes or wasted concepts, something

that usually bugs me when reading a lot of similar fic.

-Use of proper English is a huge plus right there; all too often stories here with potential are utterly destroyed by their use of bad internet slang, and being able to read through a story without having to wince at endless paragraphs without a break is always appreciated.

-A terrifically complex plot that is still easy to follow. There are plenty of plot threads hanging about and twisting together until they all combine into one climactic resolution filled with awesome moments and epic reveals.

-Sydonay. I liked him in the show and I like him even more here; the fact that even he can become almost happy as a teacher is a great idea that I really get a kick from.

-The 'slice-of-life' sequences are terrifically entertaining, and there are more than enough moments of laugh-out-loud funny that I really miss them once they're done.


The Bad:

-A lot of the twists you throw at the audience are honestly very predictable, although I'm not sure if that counts as a bad thing given how even the most expected of twists (like Sydonay's being the teacher) still had me cheering or laughing at how amazing they still were. And honestly, a well-foreshadowed twist is always preferable to one that's completely out of left field. I'll admit, creating a twist that's unexpected and yet once you know it leaves you with a feeling of "Oh man, how did I not see that before?" is hard, but I honestly think you can do it if you telegraph things a little less obviously.

-Character development. Yes I know that's in the Good column already, but it still bears mentioning here because however effective you may be at it with certain characters, with others they feel utterly left out of the loop. I mean yes, the changes are there, but it feels like a wasted opportunity that we don't get to see much of it happen at times. With an ensemble cast like this I suppose it might be unavoidable (at least without herding the cast into distinct groups) but still, even a touch of something more for the little people like Eita and Pheles would be nice.

-That actually leads into another point: who are these people who have flocked to the Eternal Alliance? Outside of the council, we really only know of a Denizen and a Flame Haze pair, and while I love their interactions, I'd still like to see a bit more of the "lower decks" if you would. Just little moments to show how the group began to build their alliance would be much appreciated, as early on there were moments like the fight Yuji broke up. By the end they are able to fight like a cohesive unit, okay, so what happened there? If it was Neo Bal Masqué's first attack, what sort of bonding moments did that create? Even giving names to a handful of these footsoldiers would make the final battle have more impact.

-Shana. She's the title character, and yet much of her dialogue is still her trademark "Shut up shut up shut UP!" Even if she has grown, she hasn't been making much of an effort to prove it; additionally, her relationship with Yuji really doesn't feel any different than the one he shares with Hecate. Even if the characters remark on how the relationship is different I still want to SEE it in some tangible way; if they're in love, would they really fly off to fight enemies at separate corners of the globe without even a goodbye kiss? On the whole, it feels like her character has been neglected far too often. Oh, and I'll throw Alastair in here too, as even Tiamat gets more spotlight than he does-not that Tiamat should talk less. I like her occasional snark, it's amusing.

-Names. This might just be a personal point, but I really suck with names in real life and fiction, and there were quite a few points where I was looking at names blankly trying to remember "Now who is this person again..." What's more, they're used very often in your writing style, which can make it flat. Description is good! Maybe instead of "Shana delightedly devoured some melon bread." try changing it up on occasion with something such as "The black-haired Flame Haze's eyes twinkled in delight as she attacked her melon bread as though it were an enemy Denizen." Variety is good, and simply reading an endless parade of names can often leave the reader grasping for a memory of a description you might have given a few sentence or a few paragraphs ago, whereas even a simple adjective or two creates a more vivid image.


The Ugly

-Not ugly per se, but more a nitpick than anything. Also I needed something to pad out this section. While on the whole the story has way above-average writing, it makes some typos and awkward phrasings stand out even more. When I read something like "rouge" instead of "rogue" it stands out because of its high-quality surroundings and makes it seem like your beta reader missed a spot or two. It's not that big a deal, just something to watch out for that a slightly slower editing process would likely pick up on.


Well that

was long. Note that, while I didn't write much in the good column, it's because I didn't have to; what you do, you do WELL, and I really don't have much more to add that wouldn't just be repeating the same stuff a few times. And um...yeah. Great stuff, and I really hope you don't just leave it like this-a full conclusion to the trilogy would be amazing. See you next story!

(Also: Holy crap almost thirteen hundred words. Scary, but this story was great enough to deserve it.)
Retribution Knows None chapter 25 . 2/10/2010
The sequel was certainly a work of entertaining value with its own plots and side-plots that speak for themselves.

Now I have a minor bone to gripe about, particularly with the last arc. I was slightly dismayed on the group's resolve to try to stop both sides from killing each other off. I don't mean to be misanthropic but preventing such bloodshed is close to disrupting the natural cycle of chaos and order. Where there is peace, there must be conflict of sorts just as there is life, there is death. Such polar opposites offset each other in order to keep the world going.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this work. Good luck with any other future project you plan to unveil.
Savaris chapter 25 . 1/12/2010
Wow, this is the best fic that I've read! If I didn't know any better this can pass off as the script for Geneon's next serialization and release! Hope you get the next arc up soon!
all-around otaku chapter 25 . 1/1/2010
Ikept my promise,ALRIGHT! I finished this up tonight . I almost felt like crying after Kazumi's death. Hope to see that "so called" third installment to this series. Hope to review soon. See ya!
all-around otaku chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
Dude you finished the story! Alright! Sorry I haven't reviewed in awhile. I promise to read the rest of this fanfic by the end of christmas break. See ya.
ColinatorGX chapter 25 . 12/21/2009
It was wonderful. You did a fantastic job with everything in this story.

You have given us two wonderful expectation-fulfilling stories that marked me with their magnificent character development, touching and dramatic moments, the revelation of every charracter's flaws and doubts, the great writing and development, and the immortalization of some of the characters in my heart.

I cannot help but feel fulfilment and joy when reading such a story. Yet, I crave for more. For this story, their story, isn't finished yet. I feel proud to have stood where I did, reading and following their story from the point you continued it. And I know that you will not disappoint me, or anyone, with the third and final installment. )

I liked that you had Ike finally make up his mind about helping with the war and I hope you manage to develop him into as much of a unique and irreplaceble character as Kazumi. One more thing. I think I have some spark of an idea about who the group of "ghosts" are, since they seem to use silver flame, and they seem to be made up of people that should have died already. But it keeps bugging me: is the Slayer a ressurected Friagne? I have no idea why, But I keep getting that idea! xD

I really enjoyed the story. Congratulations for finishing the second installment! D
kei-chama chapter 25 . 12/20/2009
I was talking about an epilogue from the other review.

"Please update the next chapter soon" would mean an epilogue.

I'll look forward to the next installment.

The Eternal Alliance...well, it's amazing. That would be for all of the chapters. Especially this epilogue.

Thank you for writing this nice story.
Mikeru-D chapter 25 . 12/20/2009
An interesting foresight into the next series, I can only wonder...

The send-off at the airport was very pointed: summarising the character's relationships just at the end. Hecate's farewell to Sydonay was particularly effective.

The final scene at the cemetery was so moving, I nearly cried. Such a tragedy for Ike... I noticed the basket of assorted breads, such a nice touch!

As a whole the story's been great: dramatic, humorous, expertly written and touching messages throughout. You took such great care to keep the hougus and unrestricted methods within the logic of the original storyline- nearing the edge of 'too far' but not quite tipping over: I commend you for that!

Enjoy your own Christmas and the New Year, New Decade, that follows!
OkagetheShadowKing chapter 25 . 12/19/2009
I am impressed. As I said keep up the good work and I hope you go into writing professionally. Never give up!
CapoExecutor chapter 24 . 12/17/2009
Well, some enemies have trouble dying or refuse to die.

Regarding Immortal... I somehow have a strange feeling regarding your description of him.

Anyways, I enjoyed this installment and look forward to the next one.
OkagetheShadowKing chapter 24 . 12/17/2009
Bravo Peacekeepr. I am impressed by your writing skills. I hope we get to see the third series soon. Keep up the good writing and always follow your muse.
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